Long Distance Relationship - Any advice

lonelyone

Hi all,

Just looking a bit of advice and support really

I'm been in a relationship with someone for about 5 years now, and they are now working away for 6 months. He had been out of work for a while and then took this job, so I know its good for him, but i'm just feeling very alone

I'm just looking for advice on anything which can make it better or seem quicker,

I'm just really missing him, and its very expensive to phone him too often, and due to work and expense weekends with eachother aren't going to happen too often. I do have one weekend planned to visit to him, but i'm only actually going to be there fron sat afternoon to early sunday evening, as i have to get 2 flights to get home again.

Anyone any similar exeriences?

P.S - I'm a regular user of the boards, just registered a new username for this issue, don't want him worrying about how much i'm missing him!

Tropez

I've done it. I was in the US for work while my partner was back at home.

Does he have a laptop or computer with him? If so have you looked into using Skype or other VOIP services to use your net connections to make free phone calls? You can pick up headsets for less than £10 and second hand webcams from ebay cheaply if you wanted to video chat.

Failing that, penning each other letters might help. You'll be given something to look forward to.

Have you considered involving yourself in a new hobby or activity, or maybe adult education classes at the local college? All of these things can be fun and focus your mind on other things.

The real trick is to limit the amount of free time where you haven't got anything to do. The more you're throwing yourself into things, the less time you have to miss him and while of course you're bound to miss him every day, you can lessen the impact by keeping yourself occupied and active.

pamelamalcolm

I'd say, keep yourself busy. Do something you really want to do cos for sure when he gets home, you will be devoting all your time for him. Take advantage of this freedom and have some fun with friends.

zzzLazyDaisy

check out the18185 website. you can make international calls from your normal landline for pennies. You just dial 18185 before the number you want to phone, no need to change providers (mobiles are a bit dearer, but still loads cheaper than the usual rates).

lonelyone

Thanks for the advice!

He does have his laptop with him, and is using a dongle to connect, but due to the area the service is very poor, so don't think it would support Skype or anything like that.
I can phone him via his hotel for free at weekends, so we do have nice long chats then, although i might start writing letters to him as well!

I did think about the adult education classes, and had enrolled in one to start next week, but it has now been cancelled due to lack of numbers.

The only thing keeping me going is the thought of him coming home, and the fact that he is buying me an engagement ring now that he is working again!

lazer

I'm in the same situation,
I'm just trying to keep busy, making sure i've got things organised for the weekends etc.
I'm catching up with old friends, visting family, and planning things to do when he comes home again
The plan is that i will see him once a month, but i don't know if it will work out like that

I'm going over to visit for a week at easter, so the thought of that is keeping me going.

The timing of him leaving for work was good, I had just started a new job and its near my parents house, so I've semi moved home again, and the new job has kept me busy, its been 2 months now, and its getting harder now.

My advice - jsut keep busy,and plan something for when he comes home to really look forward too - looks like you might have a wedding to plan

carolan78

It is hard as others said all you can do is keep yourself busy, just thank your lucky stars he isn't military because they're gone for 6 months plus in war zones with very little oppertunity to call home.

lostinrates

lonelyone wrote: »

Thanks for the advice!

He does have his laptop with him, and is using a dongle to connect, but due to the area the service is very poor, so don't think it would support Skype or anything like that.
I can phone him via his hotel for free at weekends, so we do have nice long chats then, although i might start writing letters to him as well!

I did think about the adult education classes, and had enrolled in one to start next week, but it has now been cancelled due to lack of numbers.

The only thing keeping me going is the thought of him coming home, and the fact that he is buying me an engagement ring now that he is working again!

Get himto check skype...its free, so worth a shot.

Otherwise...emails.

It can be done, lots of us manage distance relationships (I never had to go six months though) and it can be done.

1. Think about something you want to do that your parnter wouldn't enjoy...dance lessons? An evening class in massage or a language or something.

When he is back you'll probably want to spend a lot of time with him and this is an opportunity to do something for yourself with your time!

2. Try and do something social regularly....maybe set up a regular thing with friends where you each take it turn to cook/watch girly videos or whatever.

Just be in regular, regular email touch. when dh and i were apart we txt ech other good night/good morning...or emailed...so we were the first and last people we spoke to in a day. (even when time zones are weird we do this.)

belfastgirl23

I've done this for long periods of time too.

In the end, it does really make you appreciate each other much more so hold onto that in the meantime as a big positive that comes out of it.

Things I learned

First, there is a 'settling in' time when you are together. At first I felt really disappointed that he wasn't making a fuss of me but somehow we needed time to just get used to each other again. Don't be alarmed if this happens you.

The goodbyes were awful, I had to bin my alarm clock because the tone of it reminded me of those mornings! Be kind to yourself on those days.

Try to make sure you get some exercise every day. It makes a big difference to getting enough sleep. And try to keep a proper routine for eating, sleeping etc.

Be careful about when you talk to each other. DH has worked away in different places but the worst was west coast USA - the time difference was such that we could only speak properly at about 11.30 at night for me, 7.30 in the morning for him, or I had to try to slip away from work for a while in the afternoon to talk to him in the evening where he was. This made talking really stressful as I was either very very tired, or conscious that I should be working. And it's very easy to let misunderstandings slip in. Try to have a chat every few days where you're both in good form and not feeling under pressure, otherwise you end up having terse conversations.

On the bright side, the time does go past pretty fast!

Good luck!

Gillyx

I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years, and it's the most difficult thing I've ever done, I'm now looking at the possibility of moving

All I would say is keep busy, go out with friends, try and not spend too much time alone, with nothing to do as thats when I find it hits me the hardest.

pupsicola

I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years. He lived in Moscow and me in London. It was really tough at first but you get used to it. To keep costs down instead of phoning you could email, or keep in touch via facebook. I use to love recieving letters from him too. I think he became much more romantic as you have to find other ways to express how you feel when you cant be with each other the whole time.