would you stay with your partner if you have a child

pupsicola

I would say to my partner that we needed to talk things through as aspects of our relationship made me feel unhappy/uncomfy. Communication is the key thing if a relationship is going to remain solid and happy. Otherwise one or other of you is going to feel frustrated and maybe resentfull. If he refused to do this and to consider a point of view other than his own, I would question how much he cared.

If you can work through hard times and end up happier and stronger then that is beneficial to kids. However if after you have tried this and things aren't working I wouldn't stay together just for the sake of the children. They can still have a positive relationship with you both.

Tried to pm you op but your inbox is full

pupsicola

thorsoak wrote: »

Life is not always "happy ever after". It never has been, and it never will - apart from in Fairy Tales. Life is hard. Life means work - at relationships, at parenting, at working/earning a living/living on a pension/living alone.

Believe me. Last night my OH of 47 1/2 years died. It hasn't always been a bed of roses -there were times when we didn't/couldn't talk to each other, there were times when there was far more month than money, there were times when there was love and laughter, there were times when there were flying plates (although never flying fists). There were times when the children brought us closer together, there were times when they pushed us apart. Times when we worked really well together, times when we didnt.

But at the end of the day remember this - everything has a price - so if you think that the ultimate price that you will pay for staying with a stressed partner is not worth it - then you walk. It's not this year, nor next - its 5/10/15 years down the line - how do you see the picture then?

Anything of value deserves work and care.

What a beautifully honest post. So sorry for your loss.

Amanda65

thorsoak wrote: »

Life is not always "happy ever after". It never has been, and it never will - apart from in Fairy Tales. Life is hard. Life means work - at relationships, at parenting, at working/earning a living/living on a pension/living alone.

Believe me. Last night my OH of 47 1/2 years died. It hasn't always been a bed of roses -there were times when we didn't/couldn't talk to each other, there were times when there was far more month than money, there were times when there was love and laughter, there were times when there were flying plates (although never flying fists). There were times when the children brought us closer together, there were times when they pushed us apart. Times when we worked really well together, times when we didnt.

But at the end of the day remember this - everything has a price - so if you think that the ultimate price that you will pay for staying with a stressed partner is not worth it - then you walk. It's not this year, nor next - its 5/10/15 years down the line - how do you see the picture then?

Anything of value deserves work and care.

So sorry thorsak for your loss and I hope that the many happy memories you have of your time together will bring some comfort in the coming days and weeks.

To the OP, I too am one who would vote for staying together where children are involved - there are very few who would choose to have their parents apart ratehr than together (unless there is violence, alcoholism or something similar involved). However, that does not mean your OH has the right to be a gumpy s0d all the time. Can you get away from the house with each other and talk about what you want from your partnership and what is lacking and see if he is prepared to try and work at it with you? If I left my OH (of 22 years) every time he was grumpy ir miserable I would be off most weeks :rotfl::rotfl:.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sorry to hear of your loss, Thorsoak

OP, it would depend on whether the grumpiness was genuinely unintentional or whether was due to an unwillingness to behave in a civilised manner towards the family. And whether it was stress at work, drug/alcohol addiction or an affair making him be a pig at home.

Violence, other abuse and addiction are completely different matters. If any of those are the actual nature of the 'grumpiness', bail out now.

Deals_2

delegate but he does not seem to be able to do this ( i dont tell him i see). he is self employed. he says he neesd to do things for himself a few times lately which i agree. i also see how he wastes his time and i am supposed to help him in his work. it is affecting me so much now .

balletshoes wrote: »

I wouldn't give up on a relationship just because my OH is grumpy, frustrated, a pain etc if its not a permanent thing. I mean, presumably he wasn't like this when you first started living together? Stress can make people horrible to be around, but stress doesn't last forever - theres usually a specific reason for the stress, and when that reason goes, the stress does too. You don't seem to have asked your OH what the problem is? I think thats where you have to start.

Deals_2

thanks for info.

Sublime wrote: »

I stayed with my ex due to being "persuaded" to have another child, although I didn't really want another one. I had been thinking about going back to work, and leaving him for a good while at the time.

It is hard with children involved. Its not good for them if things aren't good at home, and its easy to lose yourself too.

Sublime_2

Deals wrote: »

thanks for info.

Its what I found. You can end up compromising what you want, just to make things work. I wish I'd walked years ago.

flower24

I would stay too. It'd kill my OH to live away from the kids.

Thorsoak, I'm so very sorry for your loss x

pamelamalcolm

Maybe he needs to get out of the house for a little while so he can work with that "stress". I don't see what's so stressing, having a child is the best feeling in the world.

kelloggs36

Haven't read all the posts but my twopenneth worth: relationships take effort - it is so easy to take the other for granted and therefore not treat them in the way that you did at the beginning. When you have children it is very easy to let your relationship slide as there are a million and one things to do and you forget that you need time to feel close to each other. Look at what attracted you to each other in the first place and try to maintain that - don't let life get in the way of each other - be friends and appreciate eachother.