would you stay with your partner if you have a child

Deals_2

even if he is always grumpy and frustrated and really a pain to live with and he says it is all down to stress (or you guess it is). would you do if for the sake of your children who need a dad or mum around? as this can affect your own well being but you want to help your partner and make the relationship work?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

If you are purley staying together because of the child - trust me - it doesnt work.

If you want the relationship to work because you love him (and not because of the child) then i'd suggest you get everything out in the open and work on things.

EDIT - Noticed you put "would you do if for the sake of your children who need a dad or mum around? would you do if for the sake of your children who need a dad or mum around?" there is no reason why the kids cant have a relationship with both parents even when there is a break up.

It can sometimes be a relief knowing your kids don't hear you arguing or see you unhappy. (This is true in my case)

pinkshoes

If he's a good dad, then I would stay and make it work, even if that meant councilling. So long as both are willing to work on the relationship, as it is a two way thing that requires regular communication...

If my OH is being a grumpy and a pain in the ar*e, I tell him, and make him go take some time out and come back in a better mood!

Deals_2

he needs time out all the time or extended holiday!

pinkshoes wrote: »

If he's a good dad, then I would stay and make it work, even if that meant councilling. So long as both are willing to work on the relationship, as it is a two way thing that requires regular communication...

If my OH is being a grumpy and a pain in the ar*e, I tell him, and make him go take some time out and come back in a better mood!

tattycath

mommyme wrote: »

If you are purley staying together because of the child - trust me - it doesnt work.

If you want the relationship to work because you love him (and not because of the child) then i'd suggest you get everything out in the open and work on things.

EDIT - Noticed you put "would you do if for the sake of your children who need a dad or mum around? would you do if for the sake of your children who need a dad or mum around?" there is no reason why the kids cant have a relationship with both parents even when there is a break up.

It can sometimes be a relief knowing your kids don't hear you arguing or see you unhappy. (This is true in my case)

Totally agree with this post-I tried to make things work with my ex for the sake of the children and it didn't work, they were clearly unhappy, i had to leave him for my own sanity and the sake of the children. The children have a relationship with both of us and are much happier (we've been apart for over 10 years now)

shaven-monkey

Stress can be managed or eliminated.
Ask him what he wants.
He could take positive steps to deal with his stress or he could just stay a grumpy git.

If he chooses the latter then I guess the choice of whether you can tolerate him is yours.

rachbc

Is it actually good for kids to have a grumpy old git around parenting them??

If I felt I'd tried to make the relationship work but the other partner hadn't then I would end it.

My ex and I both manage to parent our son despite our own differences and not living together. He's happy, settled, has freinds, is doing well at school so as far as I can see so far its not harmed him us living apart

brians_daughter

If you have tried to work through it and explored every avenue to make it work and it still wasnt working then a child is better off with 2 parents who live apart that are both happy and well adjusted. Nothing worse than a home with a frosty atmosphere all the time 'for their own good'.

Children learn how to form relationships from their parents, so for them to learn what a happy relationship is the child needs parents that have a healthy relationship.

On the other hand, ending a relationship 'on a whim' isnt usually the best route for any relationship children or no children. If a relationship is worth saving then its worth saving in its own right...not just due to the children.

My parents stayed together as 'good catholics should' and for us (the children) we all left home 15 years ago and mum and dad still live together, but dont have any real marriage..now the excuse is they dont want to split as they dont want to loose the house and lifestyle sharing the bills gives them..not to mention what would the church think (gggrrr)

Mum is still unhappy, dad still ignores her... i fear that they will spend their dying days living in this situation. I wish mum or dad had made the break years ago..but instead my siblings nad i carry around some kind of guilt that they were unhappy for our sakes. I wont be burdening my children with the same guilt.

In the situ you have given it sounds more like a 'rut' than the end of a relationship

shelleuk

A few years ago our relationship went through a really bad patch and we did just stay together for the sake of the children. It came to a point where i told him that unless his attitude improves then we needed to go our seperate ways. We had a big discussion on how we can improve our relationship and 5 years later we have 2 more kids and things have got a lot better. If you love him you need to sit down and work on how to improve your relationship. All of us are grumpy and stressed at times but don't realise the impact we are having on other people.

gingin_2

My first instinct is that I would stay together for the sake of my children but that is based on me and my situation. I would be prepared to live in a loveless/emotionless marriage if it meant my children could stay in their home with 2 parents until they reached adulthood. I would also do everything I could to get over whatever problems we had.

thorsoak

Life is not always "happy ever after". It never has been, and it never will - apart from in Fairy Tales. Life is hard. Life means work - at relationships, at parenting, at working/earning a living/living on a pension/living alone.

Believe me. Last night my OH of 47 1/2 years died. It hasn't always been a bed of roses -there were times when we didn't/couldn't talk to each other, there were times when there was far more month than money, there were times when there was love and laughter, there were times when there were flying plates (although never flying fists). There were times when the children brought us closer together, there were times when they pushed us apart. Times when we worked really well together, times when we didnt.

But at the end of the day remember this - everything has a price - so if you think that the ultimate price that you will pay for staying with a stressed partner is not worth it - then you walk. It's not this year, nor next - its 5/10/15 years down the line - how do you see the picture then?

Anything of value deserves work and care.