OH miserable....

charlie792

My OH has been really miserable lately about his job and I just don't know what to say to him about it, I either sound uncaring or my advice of 'look elsewhere' really isn't helpful as I know as well as he does there is nothing around....

Before he graduated uni last year he sent his CV off everywhere, even to those who wern't advertising - mainly looking for work experience. He was offered two placements both unpaid, one in London which would have cost him too much to do and one fairly locally - he worked there alongside uni for 3 months not earning a penny, when a job closer to home came up - he was one of 40 applicants that applied for the post, including two of his fellow uni people. He was selected down to 3, one to get the job and a second to have as a trial position who may or may not be kept on. He was offered the main job which he accepted.
He had to complete a 12 week placement there first which was paid for by a local grant thing (rather than the company so his contract was with them not the company), after this ended it took weeks and weeks to get his proper contract sorted, only to find out that his salary was nowhere near what he was told he would get....Was promised £18k at interview, contracted for £15k - he argued with his boss that this was unfair and got an extra £500 but that was it...So already he was unhappy but things have just got worse...

Now after working there for 6 months he's had enough - his contract is initially for a year ending in August, and although he's been promised he'll be kept on he's unsure this will happen (originally the post was to cover maternity leave) likewise he's sure his pay reviews will never materialise.
He's generally fed up with his boss and the whole layout of the business...Boss owns the small company (with 3 full time employees), his wife is also on the payroll but doesn't really work there - so they take a huge cut of the money, the office is in thier house, they've recently spent thousands on an extension, new car etc etc, and claim they have no money for the business.
On top of this the boss swans off at all hours, is rarely in the office and is rarely doing any work. Not only this but the boss seems to interfere with everything OH does, tells him he doesn't like things hes done (even though boss told him to do it or its what client wants) etc, Boss also takes credit for some of the work my OH does - which really gets my OH mad...

I hate seeing him so miserable, every morning he wakes up saying he doesn't want to go, and every evening he comes home fuming. Im totally at a loss of how to be of any help but I wish I could and I know the way he's treated at work is totally unfair.

I know he wouldn't settle for working in any other field as this is what he wants to do, he's so very talented at what he does, he is the only one from his course to get a relevant job, he's had work on some well known websites (including the Uni's own to advertise the course) and he's had several exhibitions, including a big one in London, so as you can imagine he feels very under utilised in his current job - he'd love to have his own company but at present its just not practical or realistic but on the job front there is nothing around.....

Sorry for the long ramble...I just need to get it off my chest because I hate seeing him so down

RadoJo

Is he in a field where there is freelance work available? Maybe if he could build up a portfolio of other work he might find it easier to get more, or possibly even find enough freelance work to give up his current job? It might mean long hours for a while, but it would be worth it if he had more flexibility.
Alternatively, is there another field in which he could use his skills to gain experience, even if it isn't exactly what he wants to do? I completely understand him not wanting to give up on his chosen field, but if the only job in that field is making him miserable, is it really worth it?

In terms of his problems with his job, it doesn't seem as though there is much he can do - whilst it might be annoying for his boss to come and go as he pleases and take credit for the work your OH does, if he owns the business and pays the wages, then that's his prerogative and there's probably not much your OH can do about it. He could take the initiative and try and instigate some systems to improve things - e.g could he create some kind of work check sheet to avoid quibbles over what he's been asked to do, or take the initiative with pay reviews etc?
Failing that, I reckon you just need to give him a chance to vent when he comes home, but put a limit on it - fretting away about work while he's at home won't do him any good and will just make him more miserable, so if he can get everything off his chest but then decide not to think about it for the rest of the evening it might help him to be a little happier.

Nottoobadyet

Poor guy! What a downer that must be, I really feel for him.

Would you consider moving to London if he found a viable opportunity there?

charlie792

RadoJo wrote: »

Is he in a field where there is freelance work available? Maybe if he could build up a portfolio of other work he might find it easier to get more, or possibly even find enough freelance work to give up his current job? It might mean long hours for a while, but it would be worth it if he had more flexibility.
Alternatively, is there another field in which he could use his skills to gain experience, even if it isn't exactly what he wants to do? I completely understand him not wanting to give up on his chosen field, but if the only job in that field is making him miserable, is it really worth it? .

Well he is currently doing a bit of freelance work at home in the evenings, he gets to do a few things here and there to put in his portfolio, but the work is few and far between and certainly not well paying...the trouble is his current employer kind of has most of the market share where we live if you know what I mean....

Thankfully OH has got another exhibition this weekend so might cheer him up a little, and its always good to add that to the cv

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

Poor guy! What a downer that must be, I really feel for him.

Would you consider moving to London if he found a viable opportunity there?

Well if something came up fairly soon then not really, I don't finish uni until May and we're we're tied into a contract on our house until August - which is why something more local, well within reasonable commuting distance is kind of important - there are *few* and I mean few jobs further south but the salary would be nowhere near enough to cover the extra expense of petrol and the bridge toll every day + the extra cost to his car insurance etc

building_with_lego

What a bummer! Could he decide to stick it out for now, then start looking to relocate after your course and contract end later oin the year? Would it be easier to bear if he knows that it won't be for much longer?

JoJoB

Personally I think he's going to have to get over the unfairness of his boss having more money than him, extensions, nice car etc - because that in essence is how the rich get rich. It's not fair, and it grates but that is the nature of capitalism really - the bosses at the top get to earn more by paying out as little as possible and paying themselves more while doing as little as possible.

All the other annoying things about the boss are something your OH has to find a way of detaching from. His boss is clearly an idiot with no people skills - that's the way your OH has to look at it instead of taking everything so personally. Not every boss is going to be so annoying, but a great many of them will be, so until he can strike out on his own he has to actually figure out a way of delaing with it - and often it just requires a shift of perspective. He really needs to make the decision not to care what the boss thinks of his work - as long as he knows his work is good that is all that matters.

His ego is clearly hurting through not getting recognition at work through either words or salary. That situation isn't going to change so really he has to work on his ego and realise that he isn't the sum of his earnings or work status! It's a shame he isn't on as much money as originally mooted but in this day and age he could be out of a job and stacking shelves with a spotty 18 year old giving him orders. Things could definitely be worse.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. It's just that it sounds like he's suffering from a lot of envy and anger and these emotions will prove debilitating if they continue, to himself and his relationship with you. It's his first job and he sees someone with all the trappings, and all the things he wants out of life and being confronted with that on a daily basis while feeling undervalued is obviously getting to him. He just has to remember that his day will come and hopefully it will mean he will be a nice boss when it is his turn!

lostinrates

charlie792 wrote: »

Well if something came up fairly soon then not really, I don't finish uni until May and we're we're tied into a contract on our house until August - which is why something more local, well within reasonable commuting distance is kind of important - there are *few* and I mean few jobs further south but the salary would be nowhere near enough to cover the extra expense of petrol and the bridge toll every day + the extra cost to his car insurance etc

May is really not long. 16 weeks away? That's not long in the lifetime of a good relationship (as well as feeling like an eternity!). August ()and the house is trickier...because if he found work he'd have to sleep somewhere. A mon-friday lodging might be possible. (Its what my husband did for a long while). Then when you finish in May you can consider applications in London (or anywhere commutable in the south east, one/both of you can commute to different places).

For 16 weeks till you finish and 33 odd till your tenancy is up ...TBH, if it were what mine wanted I'd go with it. I did go with it!

I'd rather have some weeks of discomfort in an early stage of relationship than have my partner feel that he'd ''sacrificed'' career ambitions etc and risk any resentment (even if unfair). And certainly more than being concerned he's '''miserable'' when a possible solution exists.

meritaten

Its awful for your OH doing a job he is unhappy in - but perhaps he needs to count his blessings - or rather write a pros and cons list! I suspect that when he looks at this list he will find he is gaining more from this experience than he thought and sticking it out for another few months is better than chucking it in. for a start I think it must be quite a narrow field your OH works and his boss has got to be well known in it. wouldnt do for him to get badmouthed would it?

also, and this got me through many a workday - try to imagine how you would make a sit-com out of the daily work! ask for another episode when OH comes home and if you can both laugh about it, it lessens the stress for OH (and you). may be helpful if your OH could imagine his boss like the guy from 'The Office' (cant remember his name).

Finally, make a rule that half hour after OH gets home work is NOT discussed! half hour to de-stress then he relaxes into family life! meanwhile he polishes up his experience and his CV - Employers do tend to value actual experience in the field very highly and leaving a position early isnt looked on as a positive at interviews!

JoJoB

And be aware that moving to London would entail a very very high cost of living. Even if his salary doubled you would find a lot of it swallowed up by high rents etc. You'd be looking at at least 1K a month for a half decent 1 bed flat in a fairly ordinary area. That's 12K a year - nearly what he is earning now. Move for work by all means, but if you want a shot at the property ladder and a decent standard of living and nice schools for the kids (should you have any) then cast your eye further afield than the capital.

lostinrates

JoJoB wrote: »

And be aware that moving to London would entail a very very high cost of living. Even if his salary doubled you would find a lot of it swallowed up by high rents etc. You'd be looking at at least 1K a month for a half decent 1 bed flat in a fairly ordinary area. That's 12K a year - nearly what he is earning now. Move for work by all means, but if you want a shot at the property ladder and a decent standard of living and nice schools for the kids (should you have any) then cast your eye further afield than the capital.

Depending on his future earning potential in his career London, despite high costs, might still be worth it. DHs work pays something like two-four times the amount in the first years of work....and something like 10 times the amount in 10-12 years time.

charlie792

meritaten wrote: »

Its awful for your OH doing a job he is unhappy in - but perhaps he needs to count his blessings - or rather write a pros and cons list! I suspect that when he looks at this list he will find he is gaining more from this experience than he thought and sticking it out for another few months is better than chucking it in. for a start I think it must be quite a narrow field your OH works and his boss has got to be well known in it. wouldnt do for him to get badmouthed would it?

Yeah the boss is quite well known - lets just say the company does work for some very big national companies even some work for companies on an international scale etc at least that is something OH doesn't mind, it looks good to be able to say he's done work for xxxxx etc....

He's in a better mood today, he's been briefed for going on a road trip next week for a meeting with a big client, boss can't go as he's got another meeting so OH is going instead....

JoJoB wrote: »

And be aware that moving to London would entail a very very high cost of living. Even if his salary doubled you would find a lot of it swallowed up by high rents etc. You'd be looking at at least 1K a month for a half decent 1 bed flat in a fairly ordinary area. That's 12K a year - nearly what he is earning now. Move for work by all means, but if you want a shot at the property ladder and a decent standard of living and nice schools for the kids (should you have any) then cast your eye further afield than the capital.

Yeah to be honest his salary in London (at his current level at least) would maybe be about £6k more than here, which still isn't really enough to take into account the cost of living there...
In reality we both want to stay in Wales if at all possible.