Child abduction

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

dancing_star wrote: »

she thinks they're rowing too much now & that he will be better off with her.

she's also fed up with bf sending her insulting text messages (he has done this, I've told him not to but he won't listen)

I don't really know but I do know they're both really stubborn and though I've tried to get them to talk amicably rather than resorting to insults, I really think they need a referee with a whistle. I jsut think it would be the worst thing for the lad to move while things are so raw.

And to make it worse they live 300 miles apart so it's not a case of being able to go there for a weekend to cool off

In which case - YOUR OH is doing himself no favours - AT ALL (trust me, im going through this, except its my ex sending me them)

dancing_star wrote: »

hi, the teenage son is only just turned 13 so is still quite young. he's a very confused kid and don't think he's mature enough to make this decision. he's torn between his parents bless him. my heart breaks for him.
I was in a similarish situation to him at the same age (torn between 2 parents) and it's the worst thing in the world. I know it's not my responsibility but I want to stop the same **** happening to him as happened to me

Have you asked the child where he wants to stay?

dancing_star wrote: »

bloomin freezin, sorry if the title offends you but I thought that's what the court orders were called when you try to stop one parent taking the4 other away. that's why I used the title.

I don't mean to insult anyone who has lost their kids through them being taken abroad or whatever. I just wanted to find out the legal terminology and the kind of temporary order he can get put in place.

A residence order will ONLY be provided if there is a fear of abduction - and a general fear. Or if the child would be in danger. The mother isnt saying the father will never see the child again so it wont even get to a court stage

(Again - I know this as im going through it, Been to a solicitor and paid £140 an hour for this info (!!! Am in wrong job!) my ex always say's "you'll never see DD as i'll go to court" and thats the vital bit, if he didnt mention court i could get residence - but the big difference here is my child is 3, not 13.)

At 13 the son should have a say on where he stays and i think a court would take that into account.

Out of curiosity - how did the mum find out? Did the child tell her? Maybe he's scared to say he doesnt want to live with your OH any more? or maybe both parents are putting him in an impossible position?

Can they not share custody? so son lives XX during week and XX at weekend? EDIT: Just saw that it's 300 miles away so this wouldnt be possible.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

dancing_star wrote: »

Hi, I am in such a flap over this I got my work time wrong & don't need to leave for half an hour!!!

I think the lad is confused about what he wants, split loyalties and all that.

Mum IS trying to get him to live with her. I think there are a couple of issues around that which I don't want to go into on a public messageboard.

Things at school are okay I think, he does struggle academically but gets a lot of support with it. The main problem with my bf is that apart from me he doesn't have a lot of support. I do what I can but he does need to escape the pressure sometimes. But being a skint single dad (he works but doesn't earn a fortune) means he can't afford hobbies, babysitters etc.

So can he afford to keep son realistically? Why can dad not ask support from school? or Cafcas? or Emotional Health and Well being? There's plenty of organisations that can help with support FOR FREE. And if the pressure is too much for your OH then obviously eventually he is going to blow his top and this isnt good for the child

(im so sorry if my posts seem harsh - not meant to be, just typing quickly as in a rush xx)

dancing_star

I know it's not good for them Mommyme. Sorry I don't know how to do quotes etc. And I know the text messages are a really bad idea. I've told him to change how he speaks to her. There's not a lot more I can do. Can't confiscate his phone!!

They can't share residency as they live 300 miles apart.

Things are moving though - family is stepping in to mediate. I just want to know about legal options as a last resort - just in case he does need to go for that option. I thought there must be some way of stopping the non resident parent from turning up, taking the child and moving them 300 miles away without having set up a new school etc, and without consent from the resident parent?!? If there is nothing the resident parent can do to stop that happening, I will be flabberghasted.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

No - ANY parent with Parentla responsibility can have the child (Which is why I was fighting for a residence order as im worried my ex will do this) I cant see how exactly, you would say a 13 year old has been abducted and kept against their will. In my case - because i can not get a residence, and Daughter is 3, I have got solicitor to write to ex and shes managed to get ex to state that Daughter lives with me and he's happy with that. It isnt a legal contract though, but it will give me an upper hand if he takes her.

If your ex knows where the mum lives then it isnt abduction - as he knows where his child is (does that make sense?)

If mum does move and refuses to tell him where child is then your OH can apply for a C4 form (child where abouts)

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

HANG ON

Child is 13

Father is on birth certificate but is/was un-married to mum

That does not give him automatic Parental Responsibility. The law was introduced for kids born AFTER Dec 2003. at 13, he was clearly born before.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

Your OH would have had to apply to the court for responsibility

Go to a solicitor - they give 30 min free advice BUT i would of thought he couldnt argue responsibility as child was born in 1997/1998

EDIT: If your OH hasnt got responsibility (and he would know if he signed in forms etc) then his ex could have the upper hand in this

shellsuit

Sounds like they both need their heads banging together. The parents I mean.

Is there not a Grandparent that the lad can stay with while the so called adults sort themselves out?

Katie-Kat-Kins

Given your experience, why not have a chat with the lad yourself about the consequences of moving away. Make it clear that it is nothing to do with you where he lives and you don't know the background but you went through the horrible situation of your parents breaking up and thought he might like to talk to someone who has been there.

Make this an opportunity to be a good friend to him who is impartial and approachable.

At the end of the day at his age he is not going to be forced to live somewhere he doesn't want to unless there are serious welfare issues involved. Moving school at that age wouldn't be a disaster, but would be disruptive and mean leaving his friends.

Maybe suggest to your BF that the son goes for a long weekend with Mum to give them both time to calm down but then comes back on the basis that any decisions shouldn't be made in haste and that if he is going to move then there will be formalities with the school etc.

Then you BF needs to get help with his anger management issues, with parenting his son and he needs to be civil with his ex at all times. If this does get nasty then abusive texts would be a brilliant piece of evidence to pull out in support of a suggestion that he is an unfit father - he needs to be squeeky clean in all this.

Does your husband get maintenance payments from his ex for the lad? If not look into it as some extra money would make things easier.

onlyroz

I'd go with what the boy wants, or come to some arrangement where he spends half the week with each parent.

pulliptears

Sounds to me like a very confused 13 year old boy who's struggling to cope with the pressures of becoming an adult himself, has raging hormones and 2 parents who'd rather play a game of one one-upmanship than take into account what the boy wants and feels. No wonder he's angry, I think I would be as well.

McKneff

The only loser in all this is the child. And I feel desperately sorry for him.

Both the parents should be ashamed of themselve.

And then people wonder why we have hooligans, muggers, etc, etc.

He will be damaged mentally for a long time to come.

If the parents cant act like adults there is little chance of the child
doing it in the future.