Child abduction

dancing_star

Hi I'm a newbie posting on behalf of my boyfriend. He's a single dad with a teenage son & I don't live with them.

Son has been living with bf for about 4 years since his mother couldn't cope with him. They generally get on fine but occasionally have massive bust ups over the usual teenage stuff. They had a huge argument last night, and boyfriend lost the plot a bit (wasn't violent or anything) and now his son's mum found out and she wants to bring son to live with her again.

Boyfreind doesn't want this to happen, we've tried looking on loads of websites but there isn't much information. I've told him to phone a helpline or the police to see what he can do.

There aren't any formal residency orders or anything, it's all been agreed mutually so far and has only just broken down. They were never married but bf is on the birth cert & has parental responsibility
Can anyone tell us if he can get an interim order to prevent the mum taking the son away? At least in the interim while things are sorted out long term? Not sure if bf can afford a solicitor really.

Thanks for reading. I'm frantic with worry & have to go to work in a bit so may not see replies until tonight.

red_devil

if the mother couldnt cope with him why does she want him back? Also its up to the son now he is a teenager surely?

McKneff

I would have thought the teenage son would have a lot of say in this. I wouldnt have thought he could be forced to live with either parent.

What does he say about it.

dancing_star

she thinks they're rowing too much now & that he will be better off with her.

she's also fed up with bf sending her insulting text messages (he has done this, I've told him not to but he won't listen)

I don't really know but I do know they're both really stubborn and though I've tried to get them to talk amicably rather than resorting to insults, I really think they need a referee with a whistle. I jsut think it would be the worst thing for the lad to move while things are so raw.

And to make it worse they live 300 miles apart so it's not a case of being able to go there for a weekend to cool off

Bloomin_Freezing2

Not exactly Child Abduction is it?

dancing_star

hi, the teenage son is only just turned 13 so is still quite young. he's a very confused kid and don't think he's mature enough to make this decision. he's torn between his parents bless him. my heart breaks for him.
I was in a similarish situation to him at the same age (torn between 2 parents) and it's the worst thing in the world. I know it's not my responsibility but I want to stop the same **** happening to him as happened to me

dancing_star

bloomin freezin, sorry if the title offends you but I thought that's what the court orders were called when you try to stop one parent taking the4 other away. that's why I used the title.

I don't mean to insult anyone who has lost their kids through them being taken abroad or whatever. I just wanted to find out the legal terminology and the kind of temporary order he can get put in place.

Bloomin_Freezing2

Maybe it wouldn't be such a terrible thing for him to spend time with his mother. If he's off the rails a bit, a change of scenery, and getting away from friends may help him get back on the right path. Even if he leaves when things are raw with his dad, so long as you both tell him he always has a home with you and can return whenever he wishes that's fine.

dancing_star

I don't know really - I would agree if it was the school holidays but he is settled in his school. he's had enough upset and upheaval in his life & this would make it worse. he's so much better now than when he was younger & is so much more settled with his dad (most of the time!) - like I said if it was the summer hols or whatever it'd be great

I have to go to work now but thanks for the replies

clearingout

at 13, the courts would be willing to take what he wants into consideration. They may even refuse to make an order on the basis that he'll do what he wants regardless and you can't force a child of that age to live somewhere he doesn't want.

Your bf would do well to try and chat with him when things have calmed down today and actually spell out for him, calmly, what moving to live with mum means. 300 miles is a lot. It would mean a change of school, leaving friends behind. Dad saying he'll support a move if he wants it would probably go a lot further than demanding he doesn't move (bit of reverse psychology?!) and making it clear it's not what dad wants and that he'll always have a home with dad at any time. This is better than ultimatiums such as well, if you go and live with her, you're never coming back here.

Has your bf talked to the school at all? is son happy there? doing OK generally or struggling? Is there anything else that is bothering him?

And as a final note, is mum trying to get him to live with her? is that what this is all about?

Keep working on him - you sound like a great girlfriend to have who is able to see the wood for the trees and try to do the best for the child. I am divorced and my children are young and live with me - but I am dreading that one day they may decide otherwise. Very hard for all concerned.

dancing_star

Hi, I am in such a flap over this I got my work time wrong & don't need to leave for half an hour!!!

I think the lad is confused about what he wants, split loyalties and all that.

Mum IS trying to get him to live with her. I think there are a couple of issues around that which I don't want to go into on a public messageboard.

Things at school are okay I think, he does struggle academically but gets a lot of support with it. The main problem with my bf is that apart from me he doesn't have a lot of support. I do what I can but he does need to escape the pressure sometimes. But being a skint single dad (he works but doesn't earn a fortune) means he can't afford hobbies, babysitters etc.