Funerals

faithcecilia

iolanthe07 wrote: »

A neighbour lost her son aged 24. He had left instructions that there was to be no commemoration of any kind, civil or religious. She was absolutely distraught and to this day has not really had closure. As others have said, the ceremonies are for those you leave behind and it is selfish not to take them into consideration.

I agree with this. My Grandad died in October. He had left his body to medical research, but due to his physical state at the time he died (extremely underweight, many broken bones, etc) there was a delay in the cadevar being accepted, so tentative arrangements for a funeral began. In the end it was accepted so the plans were put on hold.

He had been extremely well known in some music circles, plus he did an awful lot of fundraising for Cancer Research, and had been a teacher, so a lot of people wanted some sort of service. We finally had it just before Christmas, but the time between his death and then had been awful. Until you have to grieve without one I don't think you realise how much a funeral helps the grieving process.

Becles

My Gran just wanted a basic service at the crem. She was a lapsed Methodist, so the undertaker found a minister for us.

We sang a hymn on arrival and a prayer was said. The minister spoke about the main things in Gran's life and told a few humorous anecdotes we'd supplied in advance. Then her favourite piece of music was played and we left. It must have only lasted about 15 minutes.

It was enough to give closure and I liked thinking about the happy times that were mentioned, but it wasn't overly fussy and drawn out.

bryanb

Mojisola wrote: »

The saving part comes from the way prices for funerals increase without you needing to pay more than the original plan.

My parents bought funeral plans some years ago and the price has gone up quite a lot since then but they will get their funerals for the price they paid into the plans.

Not with the plans I've looked in to. A cash sum is allocated to the undertaker or other representative and any shortfall has to be made up. Alternatively the standard of the funeral ( Number of limos etc) can be reduced. The fee to any priest etc is also often excluded. Of course you have to read the small print to discover exactly what is included.

Mojisola

My parents have bought plans for a cremation from AgeUK. This is what they say -

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/buy/age-uk-guaranteed-funeral-plan/frequently-asked-questions/
Q. What happens if funeral costs go up dramatically?
A. No matter what happens to funeral costs in the future, the services in your Plan are covered in full. This includes paying for your Funeral Director services, doctors’, minister's and cremation fee. The costs are frozen and guaranteed never to increase.You will still receive the same high quality service you would expect today.

There may be extra costs associated with a burial such as reopening a grave, etc.

scooby088

Well i know it may seem selfish but i still want no funeral, no matter what the people i leave behind want, just as i say this my OH says i'm going under the patio:rotfl:

I have been to many a funeral where the deceased has never been to church, so how can the vicar speak so warmly of someone they have never met.

To me it screams of hypocracy and i will not be a hypocrite in death, no matter if i am one when alive.

Mojisola

scooby088 wrote: »

Well i know it may seem selfish but i still want no funeral, no matter what the people i leave behind want, just as i say this my OH says i'm going under the patio:rotfl:

I have been to many a funeral where the deceased has never been to church, so how can the vicar speak so warmly of someone they have never met.

To me it screams of hypocracy and i will not be a hypocrite in death, no matter if i am one when alive.

But you don't have to have a church service or a vicar. Your relatives can book the function room in a pub if that suits you better and they can organise some kind of memorial that will suit you.

I know of one celebration of a life where there was no formal ceremony. The family hired a hall, put up boards with photos of the deceased, everyone milled around looking at them, chatted and then the ones who wanted to speak told the gathering about some event in the deceased's life. Everyone said what a wonderful, meaningful send-off it had been.

geri1965_2

I went to the humanist funeral of a man I knew from the Socialist Party. It was held in a room at the crematorium, there were no cars or vicar. He had no family, so the only people present were friends and work colleagues. The service consisted of about 3 or 4 people he knew talking about him and telling anecdotes about his life, then we sang The Internationale and left. It was very straightforward and absolutely what he would have wanted.

sophieschoice

Although I see where the OP is coming from I think there are a few things he needs to consider which were brought to the forefront of my mind when we buried my Dad last week.
Upon the doctor certifying death the body needs to be removed which is all well and fine if you die in hospital or a hospice.
We brought my Dad home to die and I know, without question, that my brother and I could not have put Dad in a body bag and transported him downstairs and into a vehicle.
We will be forever grateful that Dad organised absolutely everything years ago leaving my brother and me just to tick boxes when a task had been completed. The funeral was one he had pre-paid so we simply gave the undertaker the clothes (Dad's old comfy ones) which we had chosen for him to be buried in.
Dad's request was for no Church service but a simple graveside ceremony. We chose two songs from one of his favourite singers, gave a eulogy each and said the Lords Prayer. It was heartbreakingly sad but lovely inasmuch as funerals can be.
More importantly, it gave us closure and will enable us to move on when our grief subsides.
As other posters have said, the service is for the mourners not the departed but if he still feels the same then I suggest he makes provision for exactly what he wants to happen in his Will then there can be no dispute when the time comes.

sueeve

I am a minister andhave done many funerals where the person has not been a church goer. It doesn't mean that others haven't valued their friendship and love in life, and that is what is at the heart of a funeral for those people. To come together, remember, celebrate having known the person and then moving on. Of course the content develops if it is a funeral for a person with a specific faith, but a lot of hard work goes into planning something suitable for the particular situation.

meritaten

undertakers are not usually money grabbers, at least the ones I have met arent! at my age I have been to or had to arrange more funerals than I would have liked. an undertaker is used to arranging many many different kinds of funerals.
I had a chat with one of them because I was a bit sceptical that they would arrange my chosen funeral, but he was fully understanding of what I wanted and assured me that it was one of the cheapest but gave the relatives a feeling of having had a good funeral. I dont want my family feeling cheated but dont want the traditional valleys funeral!
I have looked at my chosen coffin online and shown my OH - who wanted to know why i dont buy it now and use it as a coffee table! its wicker and absolutely gorgeous! now i need to find a florist to weave the flowers into it at the time. not anytime soon I hope, but the undertaker assured me they would be able to find one (who wasnt freaked out at the thought of it). and they would of course arrange storage and transportation of my body. I dont want my dead body kept at home! yeuuuch - what if its summer???????????

I am NOT a christian so there will be no formal service - I cant say too much but my funeral will hopefully just celebrate my life and remind people that while my body is gone my spirit lives on.
this is why I have told my OH to use this firm of undertakers! I dont want my family stressed as i presume they will be upset when i die, but OH knows roughly what I want and the written instructions are on the computer!