top table dilemma

purplelotus

I thought it would be simple, but a spanner has been thrown in the works. It was agreed to be traditional except one extra best man and groom's brother in place of his deceased father.

best man
groom mother
bride father
bride (me!)
groom
bride mother
groom brother
chief bridesmaid
other best man

HOWEVER... now my other half has told his mum that her boyfriend can sit on the top table. He's a nice guy, they're totally besotted with each other and i haven't seen one without the other for the whole 1 year they've been together. But he's not my OH's step father, he has had nothing to do with us, we don't have a close relationship with him other than the fact we can't see him mum without him being there and I don't want him on the top table. We're already one man up, so we'd need another bridesmaid to separate them, which would leave us still one man up and me leaving one bridesmaid behind which isn't fair, so should have the third bridesmaid as well... anyone else want to sit on my top table#?!

I think he should apologise for making a mistake, he thinks I'm making a mistake. It's quite a deal, to the extent I may or may not have shouted at him yesterday that his mum's boyfriend could have MY seat...

any help would be much appreciated, either to convince me he should be on our top table, or something I can tell my OH to convince him his mum's boyfriend should NOT be on the top table.

thanks!

Star1

How many people can you get on the top table? I know at ours we could only have 8 - might be a good excuse!

Bride2be24

We can only have 8 on ours too

Best Man
Grooms Dad
Mother of Bride
Groom
Bride (Me)
Father of Bride
Grooms Mum
Maid of Honor

Star1 wrote: »

How many people can you get on the top table? I know at ours we could only have 8 - might be a good excuse!

themull1

Space permitting, i would let him sit there, you don't have to do everything by the book.!!

mistyw1973

themull1 wrote: »

Space permitting, i would let him sit there, you don't have to do everything by the book.!!

I'm with TheMull on this one...you are already going against the traditional with 2 best men and grooms brother in place of his deceased father...
If your reason for not wanting him on there is that you genuinely don't like him and think he would ruin the meal for you...then it's fair enough to say no....but if it's just because it ruins your table layout I would give OH a break and let him keep the invite there...he obviously doesn't dislike the man if he asked him without checking with you first..

I'm sure the venue will be accomodating if they can..maybe you can get the other maids on there too...our layout is far from traditional...no one I know is bothered about that, they are just looking forward to our day..

Life really is too short to give your OH grief for things that on the scale of things aren't big...:D

xtinkersx

I think if you dont mind -if its only an issue as it wont be by the book and it wont go boy girl boy girl etc- then yes let him but if you personally dont want him sat there then dont.

I wasnt wanting a top table as it would have messed my already planned out table plan and it wouldnt be "by the book" as i have a step mum if i had her and my dad i would need to also seat my younger brother. my sister is meant to be my moh but having her sat at the tt would mean her bf also sitting with her and it carried on like that so i thought sod it.

We then booked and oh saw the tt set up and said he wanted one so the issues began.

Thankfully my mum said it was fine if she was sat at the tt but her bf wasnt and my dad and step mum also said the same so that was 2 people solved. i then decided to stick all my bms including my sister/moh on one table so no fuss there. my only other issue is ohs mum smells so we have to put her next to oh and then our son next to her so shes kind of away
think mine goes

daughter
dad
me
oh
ohs mum
son
my mum

oh no best man either so mines defo not by the book haha xx

purplelotus

mistyw1973 wrote: »

I'm with TheMull on this one...you are already going against the traditional with 2 best men and grooms brother in place of his deceased father...
If your reason for not wanting him on there is that you genuinely don't like him and think he would ruin the meal for you...then it's fair enough to say no....but if it's just because it ruins your table layout I would give OH a break and let him keep the invite there...he obviously doesn't dislike the man if he asked him without checking with you first..

I'm sure the venue will be accomodating if they can..maybe you can get the other maids on there too...our layout is far from traditional...no one I know is bothered about that, they are just looking forward to our day..

Life really is too short to give your OH grief for things that on the scale of things aren't big...:D

thanks to you all for your replies, this one in particular has made me think I'll just drop the issue and let OH make final decision. It's a relief to be able to let go!:)

I didn't want him there because he has no connection to me and we already have one man too many, but like you said, or at least made me think, are these even good enough reasons?

if however they can only seat 8, we'll have one very miffed off best man. Maybe we should check!!

mrs_B_5

We're actually not having a top table so to speak. Myself & the OH will be sitting with friends on the day, one of whom will be the best man (& his OH if she's coming), another is my close friend who is a bridesmaid (along with her other half) & some friends. Parents are sitting on seperate tables, as are kids & other bridesmaid/ushers etc. I know its no traditional but there were just too many complications to have a traditional top table. And if we're really honest, do you really want to sit best men/bridemaids etc with parents? I dread to think of the conversation!!!

3tails

we're not having a traditional top table either, it became to complicated. there are only 25 people at the reception and OH has step parents so top table was becomming a bit lopsided. Now its just myself, OH, BM and MOH.

Mrsanders

A wedding we attended last year had the top table set up different because the grooms parents had divorced and were with new partners, so their were 2 sets of parents on the grooms side and was quite a long top table with everyone else! But really I think its up to you what happens, maybe if there is space for him it would be nice as a bit of moral support for your mil2b if she gets nervous at all

Jinx

We had 24 at our wedding so did a square design with everyone on the outside looking into the centre.... We resolved the issue of step parents by having mum and dad on the top with partners next on the side as the whole thing was connected anyway.... I think if you can make space you should if it will please your OH and his family - you'll be joined to them after all