Help needed please. Heartbreak and debt..

Isklar

I'm really struggling to get over a relationship that ended quite some time ago. Still think of him every day, still cry several times a week, not interested in meeting anyone else,basically still devastated by it and not progressing.
I started get psychic readings to help me and I'm getting into debt because of it..i watch this tv show and end up phoning up and deep down I know it's no good for me but I've got nobody else to talk to and I'm going round in circles.

sorry I am rambling..
I need help with two things..

how do you get over a relationship like this? what can I do to help myself ?:(

and then the debt because of these clairvoyants and phoning them for 'help' - i need to stop phoning them but it's like an addiction and a comfort when I'm talking to them even though I dont even think I believe in it!:eek:

has anyone else been through anything similar?

RedBern

There must be cheaper options for help than this!!

Have you been to your GP and asked to be referred for counselling? At the moment you seem to be paying an awful lot for 'rubbish' counselling, as that appears to be what you're treating these readings as.

Do you work? I'm assuming that you don't have many friends, or you could confide in someone closer than a phone line - so get out there and find friends. Join a gym, a reading group, a walking group, volunteer at a charity shop if you have a couple of hours a week spare, do anything to break the cycle you've got yourself into..

Good luck.

balletshoes

Oh sweetie - please stop calling complete strangers at premium rates! You can come on here and rant/talk/unload, and we don't charge you anything at all . You'll get advice and support here, from folk who have been through it.

I think its very healthy that you don't want to meet anyone else, you need to look after you, not be concerned with anyone else. If you do have a lot of spare time on your hands and its in this time you start harking back to when you were with you ex etc, there are practical things you can do about that - night class, dancing, visit friends for a coffee, consider charity/voluntary work a few hours a week? Do you have a National Trust property anywhere nearby? They are always looking for volunteers, and they have a variety of roles you can do, as many or as few hours as would suit you.

Pollycat

Do you have any close family and/or friends you can talk to?

I noticed on another thread that you were talking about going to weight-watchers.
Did you do this?
If not, why not sign up right now, you'll meet other people who are trying to lose weight too. Maybe you'll even strike up a friendship with a few people.
It'll certainly be a better way to spend your money than on these psychic sessions that you say you're not even sure you believe in.

I agree with Redbern about asking your doctor for counselling.
I think maybe you need help with coming to terms with the end of this relationship first as this seems to be what is driving this addiction.

I googled and found this - it seems to make a lot of sense:

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Kick-a-Psychic-Reading-Addiction---A-Practical-Approach&id=4954233

Isklar

Thanks so much!
I feel like such an old fool - I'm middle aged and I feel worse than I did when I was 14 and a boyfriend 'chucked' me.:mad:
I was the one who ended the relationship, and I know I did the right thing but I'm just not moving on.

To answer some questions, no I haven't got many friends. I got divorced a few years ago (see, I coped with that ok!), and seemed to lose most of my friends. I have one friend who lives in Europe, not close enough to just pop round and have a coffee with, and another friend who is busy with two young children, new job, husband, and parent stress. But that's it.

My work hours are only 2 days a week. I think this has a big impact, as someone said I do have too much time on my hands.

The article in the link, thanks Pollycat, is so helpful. Clearly I am NOT the only person that's got in this mess, which makes me feel a bit better. I just feel so pathetic to got into debt over this..it's not huge debt, but with my reduced working hours it's still hanging over me.

I will go to see my GP next week..it is the ending of the relationship and my not recovering from it that's caused the problem with the psychics and the debt.
Thank goodness I'm not the only one, I feel such a fool..

jackieglasgow

Call you telephoneline provider and ask them to put a bar on your phone to Preium rate numbers, not one with a PIN, but a complete bar. Tell them someone in the house has been calling them, and you can't afford to keep paying the bill, and if they want you to be able to keep paying, they need to help you. You don't need to say it was you.

Good luck at the doctor, and well done for seeing you need help, and asking for it.x

Pollycat

Isklar
There's absolutely no reason at all to feel like a fool.

You've identified that you have a problem and are doing something to sort it out - that, at the very least, deserves a pat on the back for you.

If you ended the relationship AND know you did the right thing, it sounds to me like there's maybe something else on your mind but you're putting it down to the ending of your relationship.
Maybe it's just lonliness or perhaps you're unhappy about your weight.

Do make an appointment with your GP (ask for a double one) and tell him/her how you feel.

RE the debt and your reduced working hours:
it may be worth doing a SOA (Statement of Affairs) and posting it on the DFW board.
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Your debt might not be very much but it IS a negative factor in your life that you may be able to do something about.

onlyroz

If you want to speak to someone, either go to your GP for a referral, or try someone like the Samaritans. Both are much cheaper and better options than calling premium rate "help" line.

ETanny

I would definitely recommend going to your GP. Sounds like you have underlying issues that need to be addressed The ending of a relationship is hard for anyone weather your 14 or 40 so don't beat your self up for that. I also agree with Jackie; phone your telephone provider and ask them to put a block on your phone for premium rate. Chances are they would rather do that then loose your custom all together.
I hope you can get some help and find you can back away from the phone lines.

fishhawks

I know how difficult it is to get over a relationship, when my marriage broke up years ago it literally took me years to get over it, which I regret so much now that I wasted all those years.

My long term relationship ended in the summer and this time I had counselling, which helped considerably, I would totally recommend counselling.

One bit of advice they gave was not to spend all my energy on thinking about my ex, but to use my energy on useful things and trying to think positive. Also exercise is really good, try to go out for a walk or go swimming in your spare time, this really makes you feel better.

There are lots of social groups out there, have a look on the internet for "meet up groups", voluneer for something, or join a night class (college/uni classes start again in January)

Good luck and keep positive, it does get better!

dogcat_2

Hi Isklar,
As was said before, don't feel like a fool, you can always come on here and offload your problems, sometimes it's good just to talk about your problems. We will try and help as much as we can. Don't phone anymore premium lines...this will add to your problems. Take care.