Wedding Problem-Registrar

skintchick

Surely the point at which you exchange vows and are legally pronounced married IS your wedding day? The other is just a party. I find that very odd, to get married and pretend you haven;t.

rachbc

there was no pretending involved - we told everyone we were signing our legal contract 2 days previously, in our lunch break at work, with 2 witnesses from the office. We then stood up in front of all our friends and family and exchanged promises and vows to each other than we had written together, lit a unity candle with our children and publicly declared our love and commitment to each other - what is pretend about that?

I was divorced previously so tbh the legal words were kinda tainted by that - so the new vows were ours and ours alone

meritaten

The one where you get married in a Registrars office is the LEGAL ceremony. its up to you when you celebrate it! many couples marry in the Register office and dont inform family or friends. its a legal thing. Its up to the couple how they want to do it.

onlyroz

Let's face it, wedding ceremonies are booooooring. Have it in the 12:30 slot and keep it as short as possible. Then head off for the bigbparty afterwards.

tasha-debt

rachbc wrote: »

there was no pretending involved - we told everyone we were signing our legal contract 2 days previously, in our lunch break at work, with 2 witnesses from the office. We then stood up in front of all our friends and family and exchanged promises and vows to each other than we had written together, lit a unity candle with our children and publicly declared our love and commitment to each other - what is pretend about that?

I was divorced previously so tbh the legal words were kinda tainted by that - so the new vows were ours and ours alone

I think what you did is perfect as it was so personal to you and your family. I hate the legal vows (I obey no one but myself).

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

themull1

rachbc wrote: »

there was no pretending involved - we told everyone we were signing our legal contract 2 days previously, in our lunch break at work, with 2 witnesses from the office. We then stood up in front of all our friends and family and exchanged promises and vows to each other than we had written together, lit a unity candle with our children and publicly declared our love and commitment to each other - what is pretend about that?

I was divorced previously so tbh the legal words were kinda tainted by that - so the new vows were ours and ours alone

Its still not the same as actually getting married on the day, surely the getting married is the most important part of a wedding, or am i missing something?

rachbc

No its not the same - its better!

I'm sure to the registrar the legal bit is the most important part but to me and my husband was make our vows and promises to each other in front of everyone we love! The legal bit just makes sorting the kids etc out if one of us dies easier, and also allows my OH to get parental right for my son. To me its a bit like my OH getting step parent PR for my son - he needed the legal bit of paper to have the rights by law but thats not what makes him a parent to him, just like having the marriage certificate gives us legal rights as a a couple but is not what makes us life partners - so no, our wedding was about much, much more than legal stuff. Unfortunately this country doesn't allow for humanist weddings to be legal - if it did I'd make been able to have the both at the same time!

inkie

Wondered if anyone could help me? My fiancee and I have all but set a date for our wedding. We have found the venue which has a liscence for civil ceremonies. Today I called to arrange the registrar for the civil ceremony. They told me they could do the day, but could only do it at 12.30 or 3.30pm. We were hoping for a 2.00pm ceremony, so I wondered if it is possible to get another registrar in from a different register office that isn't local to the venue??

If anyone has any advice on this it would be much appreciated!!

If you are set on a civil ceremony, then you will have to fit in with the times that the registrar is available. They will be travelling around covering different venues on that day, hence the 'slots' that are available. The last wedding that I did (i'm a free church minister and so have to have the registrar present when I do weddings), the registrar was dashing off to another wedding up the road. If you are set on that venue, and are able to go with the times that they have offered you, i'd not hang about too long, as you may find that those times will have got booked up too!

bylromarha

themull1 wrote: »

Its still not the same as actually getting married on the day, surely the getting married is the most important part of a wedding, or am i missing something?

I think if you actually went to a non legal wedding service you would see how the couple marrying are actually marrying and promising themselves to each other on the day. You probably wouldn't even notice the lack of registrar until you thought about the fact that the couple didn't sign the register.

For some, the getting married part has to involve their belief system and that is something which is banned at the registry office. My MIL, who is not a Christian in any way shape or form, was not allowed to walk into her favourite piece of music as it had religious connertations...

You can get the registrar to come to you (like inkie describes) - you still have to say certain words to make the service a legal one as well as what you want to say, or you can have a legal ceremony before the actual one where you're including God (for us) in every part of the service.