Introducing myself - Small changes, big effect!

bargainbetty

Maybe you could sit him down and be honest with him - make him be part of the challenge. If he is spending unwisely, he might pull his socks up a bit if you involve him. You say he owes you money, but you know he is in a mess - sorry, you need to cover yourself here a bit because that isn't your problem and you have your own mess. If you set up an agreed amount per month (doesn't have to be huge, £20-50) and write it down so you know how much he owes, then it will be cleaner.

Do meal planning, throw away all your takeaway menus, and stick to them for one week. You don't have to do more than that - just don't buy takeaways for one week. If he wants one, let him buy it.

I had a flatmate like that, and I still get us both a pizza now sometimes (we are still mates), but it's about treating myself and not him - you don't need to buy love/friendship/companionship with treats.

*KT*

bargainbetty wrote: »

Maybe you could sit him down and be honest with him - make him be part of the challenge. If he is spending unwisely, he might pull his socks up a bit if you involve him. You say he owes you money, but you know he is in a mess - sorry, you need to cover yourself here a bit because that isn't your problem and you have your own mess. If you set up an agreed amount per month (doesn't have to be huge, £20-50) and write it down so you know how much he owes, then it will be cleaner.

Do meal planning, throw away all your takeaway menus, and stick to them for one week. You don't have to do more than that - just don't buy takeaways for one week. If he wants one, let him buy it.

I had a flatmate like that, and I still get us both a pizza now sometimes (we are still mates), but it's about treating myself and not him - you don't need to buy love/friendship/companionship with treats.

It's an ongoing process. Last nights take away was because I'd had a bad day and wanted it. Totally my own doing.

I've told him about my money situation (its not great but it's mostly under control). Slowly but surely we're talking about his. He has much bigger debts than me on a much smaller income and only a few short months ago came clean about it. I had known he had debts but not the extent of it. He doesn't live with me and sees his money as a private matter. It's the one topic that he'll almost never talk about and clams up when it comes up.

I've told him that I need to cut back and I won't be able to buy treats anymore. And the paying me back plan is going to be back in force hopefully from when he gets paid on Friday. It's something I'm going to have to gently mention again. It's just tough. Who likes talking about money? even worse, who likes asking for money from someone they know is struggling with their past mistakes too?

You can't induce lightbulb moments, can you?

Anyway, This isn't about him. It's about me learning to be more in control of myself and a little bit firmer.

He's staying over tonight and I think dinner is going to be couscous with the tomato and herb dried stuff in a wee tub that I've got some left of and chickpeas... screwed up noses and sad faces be damned! Even if I can't be bothered to cook... Even if I've had a bad day...

*KT*

josephine82

Hi KT :wave:

I think you are answering your own questions here. YOU are the only person who can make the changes in order to get control over your money. Someone else cannot do that and while your OH doesn't seem to be helping, if he has debt problems of his own it may be difficult for him.

I can totally understand the takeaways thing. I used to see a takeaway as a cure for a bad day. Always had pizza at a weekend and a chinese during the week. Then I did a spending diary and realised how much I was spending and shocked myself. And also made myself realise that it wasn't real food that I was eating and therefore not good for me. You could buy some simple but yummy ingredients for half the money and make something really good.

My advice would be to sit down with your income, costs, expenditure, everything, and make a budget. Make it realistic. Budget for a cinema trip once a month and a meal out or whatever. If you plan for it, then you look forward to it and then don't feel guilty when you spend money.


We have all been there, spending money needlessly because we have a bad day or we want something or whatever. Its about working out why you spend that way and then trying to fix it!

Good luck

jo x

*KT*

Thanks Josephine

I think I'm just a bit down just now and beating myself up seems to be my current default setting.

I don't have a lot of close friends anymore, rarely go out. Everyone at work is stressing about the closure. I'm far behind with uni.

I know what I need to do to fix most of that. I'm just struggling a little with the motivation to do it.

*KT*

I think I should make my signature - Only Myself To Blame.

*KT*

I made the couscous and chickpeas. OH had been winding me up about it, the kind of teasing I used to take to heart and make myself feel guilty about (stupid I know, especially when he's since told me he teases me about things like that to show that it's not really important and that me worrying about it is silly...). I'd bought a couple of 20p packets of crisps for us to soften the blow of the arrival of this new age!

I ate all of mine (it wasn't the best meal ever, but it was edible). My OH ate some of his and said that although he liked couscous he wouldn't have made it for a dinner. I questioned why. He said it was something he'd only ever had for lunch... I replied "but food is food, surely!". He shrugged.

Oh well, what he didn't eat I now have in a box for my lunch.

He's going to have to to get used to having "lunch" or "breakfast" foods at all times of day (as am I). I can't do it all in one big jump but changes are going to be happening, they need to if we want to have that life we keep talking about...

MFWannabe

Hi Kt
As Josephine advised you really need to sit down and work out a good budget; i think you would also benefit from sitting down and making a meal plan. That way if you know what you are going to eat when you get home you are less likely to go and get a takeaway.
Also think about getting a slow cooker; they save such a lot of time and your meal is cooked for when you get home. You can also get away with using cheaper cooks of meat. Also your OH won't have to have lunch or breakfast type food for his tea; you could make some nice stews, spag bol, chilli etc.

*KT*

Well, the couscous was even nicer today. Maybe it is "lunch" food after all.

I've never thought about a slow cooker. I just assumed it would cost a lot to run in electricity.

josephine82

Hi KT

I second the idea of making batches of food and freezing it for those times when you need instant food i.e after the gym or getting home late.

I.e I buy a big pack of mince and use half to make a few portions of spag bol and then a cottage pie or something. If you add cheap veg you can bulk things out to make the portions bigger. And its healthier too!

There is nothing wrong with couscous! I cook it sometimes with chicken and veg- its just different to rice but you get used to it- its really filling.

Tesco do big bags of value long grain rice which is fine and lasts for ever- with veg its a quick and easy healthy stir fry.

It takes a while, but you do just get into the habit of cooking with cheaper ingredients and things are still as yummy. Just takes a bit of effort I guess.

You could stock up with flour, butter and eggs and make your OH some cakes or cookies as a treat?

hope some of these ideas help.
xx

MFWannabe

No; they are pretty cheap to run and it means you will be more planned; you'll know exactly what you're having to eat (instead of thinking oh i don't know what to have; i'll just pick up a takeaway) and it will be cooked for when you get home x

Sublime_2

Hi KT, I don't think you're someone I've "spoken to" before, but welcome back anyway!