how to help my niece?

pandora205

OP - well done for being a concerned aunty. Although this does sound like very common mild bullying, it does need to be watched. You could talk through possible responses to unpleasant comments - wit often works well, encourage new friendships, build confidence through encouraging talents and skills (physical challenge is especially beneficial), channel negative feelings into music/poetry/art work - being miserable is a powerful motivator. If you feel it is more than mild bullying then either discuss with her parents or approach the school directly. They should take action with the people concerned and may well be able to suggest someone in school to support (such as a Connexions Adviser).

OP you mention the possibility of depression - how serious is this? If your neice has feelings of hopelessness, sleep or eating are affected or she expresses suicidal thoughts, she needs to seek professional help. Depression is often missed by school staff and can emerge in this age group. On the other hand, teenagers are known for their moods and moodiness, so many have darker phases that pass. Social support (from peers and family mainly, are usually important here).

Tropez

I've had a rough day and can't sleep right now, so my apologies if this comes out as jumbled garbage.

As said above, it is important, particularly in that age group, that any symptoms of depression are dealt with quickly. Depression is such a powerful illness, especially for a teenager, that it can lead to extreme problems. While a meeting with a mental health professional, or even a GP at this stage, would be ideal, I would strongly recommend giving her as much chance as possible to open up to you, which it does sound like you are doing. Perhaps familiarise yourself with the main symptoms of depression and look objectively for those symptoms.

From, unfortunate, personal experience, I believe that a lot of bullies target the easier targets, the kids that won't fight back and perhaps lack the confidence to stand up for themselves. Although it happens, it is rare for school bullies to be violent, but they can be malicious and extremely hurtful.

While I'll probably regret writing this in the morning, I was bullied for some time at school. I had no confidence and so I was an easy target. Obviously in an unrelated incident, I was hit by a car and while recovering I suppose the negative emotions I was feeling manifested themselves more significantly. I was off school for quite a lengthy amount of time and had to have home tuition but was left with a lot of free time at that age. My parents never said anything to me specifically and I wasn't about to tell them but my dad bought me a guitar (yes, I'm sure I've bored everyone senseless with my witterings about guitars recently) which gave me something to focus on. More importantly though, it gave me confidence. The first song I taught myself was Knockin' on Heaven's Door, probably because that's how I felt at the time, but once I had mastered that and other songs, I realised that to myself that no matter what people said to me, no matter how down I was, I had something in my life that could take me away from all the sh**, something that I was better than them at, and there wasn't a thing they could do about it and once I knew that, it no longer mattered what they said, I'd shrug it off - after all, who were they to criticise me? And perhaps importantly as well, it opened my life up to a whole new world - new people, new friends, new experiences... a new, improved life. Obviously, I never made it as a rock star but that confidence has carried me through so much and it is probably one of the main reasons I'm here today.

Now, of course, I certainly don't suggest your niece get hit by a car, nor do I suggest buying her a guitar... but maybe see what her interests are? And perhaps see if there's anything you can give her or provide for her to push her towards something and help her work towards something that will instil that confidence in her and make her proud of being the person she is because if you can make her proud of herself then she will soon realise that the petty opinions of the sad few whose only joy comes from the misery of others is beneath her.

The two moments in my life I'm most proud of involve making my dad cry. When I first played Knockin' on Heaven's Door for him and when I told him my exam results. There isn't a thing on this earth that can take that away from me.