Caring for elderly parent- would you move?

getmore4less

Sort out a deal with work and go.

(holidays, compasionate leave, unpaid, whatever)

A parents EOL is a one chance only.

From you last post I think he definately needs to be there as there are some critical choices to make and these are best done in person with full knowledge.

You can always review in a week or two depending on how things go.

It's not for every one and I never ever though I was in that camp but when my mum got diagnosed terminal I moved in(3hours from our house) best choice I have ever made in my life.

Pain control is critical and needs to be monitored very closely to make sure it keeps working.

If you are going to get involved, seek advice from palitive care specialists also get the booklets on what to expect some of the changes can be quite difficult when you are not expecting them and sometime thing can hapen that can have significant meaning if you spot them which is hard if you are not there.

Newly_retired

She had an assessment today- awaiting further news.

tich2

My father in law passed away just over two years ago and my wife and I moved from our home to live with my mother in law. We currently rent our house out. We travel to work daily in the same jobs and both our works have been excellent. It is deffinately the best thing we did as my mother in law told my wife she thinks she would of just given up and died if it wasn't for us.
One thing you really need to ask is what your mother in law wants?????
Does she want to go in a care home as so many people don't want to go but just agree as they don't want to be a burden.
I currently work for social services in the occupational therapy team so deal with these issues on a daily basis and see so many elderly spending their last few weeks/months/years lonely and on their own.

This is a really difficult choice for you and the family but in our case we are so glad we came to be with my mother in law. She could live another ten years but we will always be here for her.

Newly_retired

Thanks for that tich2.
DH is going down tomorrow so he will get an update. People have been in and out of MIL's home making their assessments, but her main carer rang us and said her view, as someone who sees her several times a day, is rather different.
Yes, DH's main aim is to find out what his mother wants now. He had the conversation about 6 months ago but things have changed. So we'll see.

Newly_retired

MIL still wants to stay in her own home. She is not eligible for continuing NHS care, but is still getting fully funded social care which is excellent. However the district nurses are not visiting often enough to deal with her medical needs and so she can be in severe pain and then she really struggles.

pollypenny

A difficult one, NR.

Wanting to stay in ones own home and being able to is a different matter. Sounds as if it is not realistic if she cannot cope with the pain.

getmore4less

Newly_retired wrote: »

MIL still wants to stay in her own home. She is not eligible for continuing NHS care, but is still getting fully funded social care which is excellent. However the district nurses are not visiting often enough to deal with her medical needs and so she can be in severe pain and then she really struggles.

It will depend on her current pain regime is she seeing a pain specialist on a regular basis.
Patches last a long time it may be the doses are not high enough.

What is she taking for the breakthrough over the background pain control?


My mum went into hospital to get her medications sorted and saw a doctor weekly for changes in doses after that.

She was self medicating to top up most of the time with us supervising.

If she wants to stay at home it might be worth moving in for a while and getting some guidance on pain control.

Be wary of doing things that can mean a reduction in health visits like doing injections.

If she has cancer then overnoight support should be available from Marie Curie allthough if may be part GP funded so they won't tell you about it.

If pain really is an issue a hospital in patient visit may be a better option than a home then the hospital may get the NHS continuing care to be a reasssed and maybe a specialist unit that deals with pain can be found.

Newly_retired

Provided the district nurses stick to the schedule for changing the patches, she is OK. They have been late at least twice which is totally unacceptable.
The carers now have details of the schedules and will ring the practice if the DN does not turn up. Her medications have been reviewed and are up to date.
Everything else is in place to ensure her well being and she should be OK for the time being.

pollypenny

Hope things work out for you and your mum.

PH and I are trying to help my 85 year old aunt, who lives 300 miles away (the one who fell in Belgium).

She's just had the hospital bill and , my god, it's hard work trying to advice her over the phone.