New year, new start

RachelS

Trixie, I really appreciated your reply so much. I will write a much longer response to you this evening, at the moment I just don't have time.

Getting all my financial info together for a meeting this morning with the CAB guy who works with our local Children's Centre. Apparently he will work quite closely with us over a period of time to try and sort out the situation.

Feel a bit sick...I mean, look at my signature. It's appalling and embarrassing and I don't know how I'm going to sit there and tell him the truth. I will, but it's horrifying.

RachelS

Firstly..Trixiepix, I wanted to say a huge thankyou for sharing your views and some of your story with me. It has made me feel a lot better. Things aren't always that black and white, are they? My husband is a good man, money is a very tough issue for him and he's working so hard to face up to things, even though it's very painful for him. I hope it gets less painful for him over time and he's able to feel calmer discussing money.

I am now basically in charge of all of the finances. OH is suddenly playing a massive role helping, but I think he needed me to take charge of the situation for a while.

I would say that, while OH does plenty of work on a day to day basis with his job, shopping, childcare etc, I am the one who makes plans and takes the initiative with things, if that makes sense? It is a big load to carry.

It went well with the CAB advisor today. He managed to achieve some great things on the phone with my creditors...he got much further than I had, even though he was offering less money. I have gone home and dealt with further things and, although I've followed his advice, I haven't done as well as he would have!

Still, my council tax summons is on hold and I am paying £130 a month. I have started paying off my power arrears with a first payment today of £50...I must confess to having been rather liberal with the heating this year so there was another shock when I was on the phone to British Gas and they told me I have spent way over £200 on gas in only 3 months! Aargh! I moved a year ago from a 2-bed new build terrace, where we used to wander round in winter in t-shirts, and pay less than £20 a month for gas, to a 1930s 3-bed semi with dodgy double glazing. Lesson learned, we will shiver and like it!

We can't apply for housing benefit as my parents own our house which makes it tricky, and we very possibly can't apply for council tax benefit lest it affect my husband's future visa situation. He doesn't get any tax credits and as he is the worker here that's hard. However, our income still does not cover our basic expenditure, so we need to up it! I am in the process of applying for Child Tax Credit which should help quite a lot...but my husband needs to get a second job and I need to get a job.

Tomorrow's plan...meet with bank to discuss overdraft interest and charges. Also contact phone suppliers and others to see if we can drop to cheaper tariffs.

Eeeeek!

trixiepix

Hey hun,

I'm glad you are feeling a little better and more in control, well done for grabbing the reigns of the finances from your OH, i'm sure it will make you feel far more assured on the debt/payments etc if you are the only one with access to it.

Overspending can be likened to any other compulsive behavior and i suppose can almost be considered an illness, i'm sure you OH doesn't want to appear to be a failure with the finances, so maybe that's why he's been secretive about it.

That's how it kinda works with me, i want to be seen to keep up with the 'Jones's' as i've always felt a stigma that we don't own our own house and i suppose i've felt a bit like the poor relation, so in all other aspects i have wanted to appear affluent ( shame i didn't have the finances to back it up - roll on that lottery win - lol) - hence why i've been a few grand in debt for most of my adult life (paying off then convincing myself i really needed whatever it was at the time and building it back up again)
I've got to the 'stop i wanna get off' point with my debt, i don't like it being a secret and i don't want to have to keep worrying about it.

I'm so glad the cab were a help, it's amazing how much further the 'professional' can get with these companies then we ever could - it sounds as though you have a viable plan now in place and you are now in a position where you can look forward, hopefully when you have more working hours in the mix it will get a little easier.

I so know what you mean about the cost of utilities, it is extortionate at the moment (as is blinking petrol - don't even get me started on that - how much money do the government think we all have??????) - i say a gadget last night on tv that (from what i remember) you plug somehow into your fuse box and it shows you how much you spend on electricity per hour and how it changes depending on what appliances etc you are using, i'm seriously contemplating buying one as i know we could shave a lot off of electricity especially if i could see the money disappearing before my eyes!!!.

I'm glad i made you feel a little better, sometimes i think it's so reassuring to know there's someone out there that is well..., just there.

I hope both you and your husband are feeling better this evening and all goes well tomorrow at the bank, i'll check in tomorrow to see how you're doing.

Oh and btw, i'm definately the one in our house who makes all of the plans etc - i don't think we would have ever been on holiday had it been down to my OH, or went on day trips, or changed cars or decorated or ....................... i won't go on or i'll be here all night (lol!!!) - it would be nice to feel as though i was being taken care of for once rather than me taking care of everyone.


xx

Helen105

Rachel

So sorry about the week you've had.
I too had a husband that I couldn't rely on with money, it made me feel very alone. The worst incident was when I paid the car tax out of my account on the understanding that he would put some money in to cover the cheque. Despite me asking him straight out if he had and him saying he had, he hadn't. The cheque bounced, I got taken to court and it cost £400.
He lied throughout our marriage to avoid confrontation. He always did whatever he wanted to at the time and then tried to avoid taking responsibility.
We eventually split three years ago and life has been much easier to manage since then despite money being tight.
However I am guessing that you are not yet ready for that road, your children are too young and you are using all your energy to tackle the debts.
Good luck.

RachelS

It's difficult, Helen. We have had a great few days, the best we've had since the children were born, really. It was OK before that as we had fewer responsibilities.

But towards the end of the weekend he's started letting me down again. He was meant to sort out our life insurance cover and he hasn't. There were no pretences, but he still hasn't done it. He's meant to be applying for a new job. He told me he'd finished updating his CV...but I knew he couldn't possibly have done due to the fact I uninstalled Word on the computer not so long ago, and he clearly didn't know that. He admitted it was another lie. I didn't say anything...what was the point? Then he got really angry and said he was leaving. He hasn't left though. I'm so close to giving up.

In financial news...we went to the meeting with the bank and they were quite positive about everything, but said to get any charges reduced we'd have to write to head office. However, then my dad phoned up and offered to loan us money to cover our debts at 1.5% interest. We accepted, but he doesn't know about the 7k loan. I can't bear to tell him...but I feel it's unfair to accept all his help and not tell him the full story.

I feel pretty terrible at the minute to be honest. The situation with my husband is pretty bad. He doesn't give me the support and backup I want with this and he is completely untrustworthy.

RachelS

Sorry I haven't posted for a bit. Still sticking to budget and selling things, but sadly husband has lost his job, no notice and no compensation (he was in his trial period still and business is going down the pan), so our income is gone. Can't claim Jobseeker's etc as he's here on a visa.
Struggling but hopeful and just waiting for news on new jobs.

RachelS

Well, I do get myself into messes sometimes (don't we all!). This is only a small mess, but easier to worry about than my husband's job loss etc!

I started eBaying (well, selling anyway, I've done some buying in the past) on January 5th. It's going well, I've sold 10 items for about £45, some hiccups with postage cost etc but generally it's gone well.

However...I sold a dvd for £5 and a week later still hadn't received payment. I sent a gentle, casual message to the buyer asking them if they still wanted the item, and said if not I'd go ahead and relist it.

3 days later, I hadn't heard anything, so I opened an unpaid item dispute. The buyer did not respond officially to this, but did send me the following message:

'I am paying through PayPal, I don't have any money atm as I've just bought 70 dvds, you'll get ur money when my auctions end, don't worry so much over £5'.

For some reason this just made my blood BOIL. I don't know why, I guess it was that £5 obviously means nothing to her, but at the moment it means so much to me. Also that there was nothing in my message that wasn't just a polite query as to whether she still wanted the bloody dvd!

So I acted rashly...yep, always a daft idea. I sent a cancellation request.

Two days later, she hadn't responded, so I relisted the item. 20 minutes later I got a PayPal payment from her and a message saying 'sorry, I've paid for the dvd now'.

This made me even more mad (I'm quite a relaxed person. Maybe eBay rage is a genuine condition?). She totally ignored my cancellation request and the timing just after I'd relisted the item looked a little suspect. It reminded me of how a 14-year-old might act.

I'd already paid a new insertion fee for my new auction, so I just refunded her PayPal payment and sent her a message saying sorry, but I'd assumed she wasn't planning to pay any time soon and I'd relisted the item.

Now I feel bad...I majorly overreacted, she prob didn't mean to be rude, and I'm worried it'll affect my feedback somehow.

Grr! Ah well, not a big worry in the scheme of things, but eBay is more complicated than I thought. Had trouble in the past with a couple of things I bought not turning up...didn't realise the BUYERS could be a problem too!

RachelS

A rather heavy day ahead! As some of you know, my husband lost his job unexpectedly on Jan 19th...our income was already below our basic expenditure so it's been a kick in the teeth, especially as he has lost out on quite a lot of commission.

Well, he was supposed to be paid his basic pay for the days he did work in Jan today...the pay normally comes in at midnight...and he hasn't been paid a penny. Waiting till 9am to see what's going on. I have about 5 other major financial things to face up to today and I really just want to go back to bed and find oblivion...will pledge to come back here later and update so I'll have more of an incentive to do it.