Parenting Help Forum

melt71

HappyIdiotTalk wrote:

We do try and explain stuff, but I for one find it very hard because I dont believe she understands what I'm talking about. I certainly dont believe for a moment that she'd have any concept of what farther christmas is even if I spent half an hour telling her about it. Thats one of my main worries. I really do think that she should be understanding things a little more by this stage. I just cant wait for her to start talking so I can have conversations with her and explain things and reason. She's getting better slowly but most of the things she says is unintelligable!

Just thought I'd pick up on this bit of what you said - just because she doesn't communicate her feelings doesn't mean she doesn't understand what YOU mean when you explain stuff to her. Even if she doesn't, keep on this path and eventually you will have a very clued up child indeed! I still explain everything to my daughter. Whenever I catch myself barking orders at her (for example when we are running late!) I always correct myself afterwards by explaining WHY I ordered her to do whatever. Again with the added comments that I love her and she's the best little girl in the world etc etc!

Please don't ever underestimate a child because they don't communicate their thoughts/feelings well. It doesn't mean they don't have the thoughts and feelings that they should be having, just that they don't know how or don't want to put them into words.

By the way, there are lots of 'life' books in the childrens section of the library which deal with all sorts of family life issues; having a new baby, moving house, going to school, starting nursery (ohhh loads more) plus all the ones about personal stuff like your body and your teeth, growing up and stuff like that. It may be an idea for you to go down to your library and see what is in there - you could then read the books to her and show her the pictures. Even if she only understands a bit of it, it's better than nothing.

Just another point about reading by the way, I gave my daughter books as soon as she could sit up and hold stuff, she even had a bath book! (Obviously they only had brightly coloured pictures in ) but it got her used to holding them and enjoying them. She continued to enjoy books all the way through her 1s, 2s and 3s and then went to nusery already armed with so much knowledge from them including all the colours, animals, her alphabet and various other bits of useful info. Once children have this ability (looking at picture books, then alphabet, then reading, then understanding) everything else becomes so much easier! Try to encourage this with her and see what happens. You could also encourage her to draw (scribble) her feelings onto paper and see if this helps her to communicate. She may turn into a great artist.

Good luck to you (and to your family).

fsdss

HappyIdiotTalk wrote:

I can see what your saying, but what if she needs to do something like brush her teeth, eat or go to bed... How would you handle those types of things? I can ignore her sitting down and saying 'no no no' out loud for no apparent reason, or at the TV ect... But I'm at a complete loss as to what should be done when she doesn't want to eat or sleep ect...

One of my mates told me I'm the most reluctant parent he knows... Does it show?

Easier said than done. the most important factor is that you remain calm and in control as you are the parent.

keep your routine exactly as it should be - if she doesnt eat her meal then just say ok, leave it and put it in bin after your mealtime is finished, do not over compensate by offering snacks at a later stage. by your non - response she is not getting the reaction that she desires, and her pattern of eating should return within in a few days at the max.
with tooth brushing - offer her a choice either she does her teeth or you do, offer her a story or something that she likes doing as a reward for compliance, so the words such as "lets clean your teeth, and when they are done we can read ****" it might be a good idea to get a book from the library about tooth hygiene.

sleeping - put her to bed at the usual time, ignore crying for a few minutes and then re enter the bedroom to settle her down without picking her up or talking to her. keep doing this until she drops off. if she keeps getting out of bed be firm "its bedtime" on the first occasion and then keep putting her back into bed without talking, cuddling or eye contact with her. she wont get the reaction that she so desires.

the words "no" are a common first word. she doesnt really mean no it just means that its easy to say - she'll soon grow out of it. also she has had a lot of things to cope with in the past few weeks, in her mind she is just sorting it out

the next most important this is PRAISE HER FOR DOING GOOD THINGS. if she cleans her teeth, over exaggerate it "well done you are a clever girl" and ALWAYS praise for other good things (which you need to look out for) when receiving praise she is more likely to repeat behaviour.

hobo28

HappyIdiotTalk wrote:

But I'm at a complete loss as to what should be done when she doesn't want to eat or sleep ect...

The bottom line is that she won't starve herself. Even at 2. Cut out the snacks between meals, never give in and make her another meal. If its gone its gone. Keep doing it day in day out and she'll learn.

Its heartbreaking thinking your child is hungry but whats the alternative? Fight with them to make them eat? Force feed them? You can't.

As for sleep, its just routine. Keep putting them to bed at the same time every day. Same procedure. Eg. Bath, sit down quiet, read book then bed. Never let them get away with coming back out but put them back without fighting them.

I also strongy agree with FSDSS, keep praising her.

It takes time and perseverance. If you give in once for an easy life then you've undone your hard work.

I've 4 kids now and they all go to bed without quibbling at 7pm sharp on a school night. Well the eldest (10) moans occasionally at her 8:30pm bedtime but she still goes when asked! Oh, just remembered. When I first moved in with my now partner, my eldest wasn't used to fresh veg like Broccoli or parsnips (YUK!) so she used to cry, plead, even make herself gag. Now she loves veg.

Savvy_Sue

Another vote for Toddler Taming!

The No no no stage is quite normal, and you have to remember that it's easier to say than Yes!

fsdss's ideas are good, and even if she says No to "shall I do your teeth or will you do them?" then make it clear that No isn't an option: your teeth SHALL be cleaned! (This is far easier at 2 than at 12, btw!)

Also, make sure you are regularly asking questions to which the answer is likely to be Yes, or ought to be Yes. Would you like a cuddle? Would you like to go to the park? Shall we have your favourite food for tea tonight? And then maybe do it anyway, even if she said No.

Check with nursery whether she's no no no-ing there as well, btw. Also your concerns about her understanding and speech: it's probably nothing - my eldest didn't really speak until he could use sentences!

And cheer up, just wait till you reach the Why Why Why stage! :rotfl: