My son spent everything in three days!

gratefulforhelp_2

Um...if your ex will not pay the money directly to you, then you can go to the CSA, BUT unless he earns megabucks when back at work you will not see anything like £700 per month. While he is unemployed you will prob get a fiver a week.

I think this conversation needs to be had with your ex, since 15 and 17 year olds are often not responsible enough to do this, and if it has a detrimental impact on your family's finances, then the maintenance should be paid direct to you.

Is the £200 a one-off, or a monthly amount?

BitterAndTwisted

it's a monthly amount.

OP, I see that your first question was "I am looking for some advice on how to help my eldest son manage his bank account" and the answer is that you don't. I understand that you're well-meaning and want the best for your son but I suspect that the only way he will learn to manage his money is if he is left alone to manage it. Having to walk to school for the whole month because he's spunked his monthly allowance in the first few days will teach him something that you never can, no matter how much you try. Just let him get on with it as long as he pays you what you've agreed he should.

pupsicola

Show him how much it would really cost him to live on his own at the same standard that you provide. Buy a local paper and let him see how much it would cost him to rent a similar property. Get your bank statements and show him the real cost of the gas, electric, water, phone, broadband etc etc.

Once he understands how cushy he has it at home for just £25 a week he may show you more respect and stop acting like a spoilt brat. His £25 wouldn't buy him anything in the real world and this could be a very good learning curve for him.

pupsicola

Angel_Jenny wrote: »

I live with my parents (still!) and pay £25 per week, 1/4 of the bills and buy the majority of my food and do the ironing, help with cleaning and share carer duties but I still respect that this is my parents home. If I am going to be out late - I let them know and they know where I am. I wouldn't want them to worry about me when there is no need.

Their house - their rules!

I hope my kids end up as responsible and sensible as you

Angel_Jenny

pupsicola wrote: »

I hope my kids end up as responsible and sensible as you

Aww! Thank you, that is really sweet!

Hopefully less boring though than me though! I am the only person I know that carries a first aid kit and a sewing kit with me. At work I am known as the mother hen even though there are plenty that are older than me and actually mothers.

Errata

Presuming you, your sons and your ex are not on no-speaks, tell your OH to put his son in the picture, tell him what's what, and learn some manners.

anxious_mum

hi errata...my sons and the ex and me are on good speaks, its been 15 years! i need to talk to him and explain how his 'home economics' have changed the dynamics of my household...he hasn't had to live with this stroppy 6'2" teenager, maybe if things get too bad he might to have him living with him....!!!!wow, that would change his life a bit, wouldn't it????

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

anxious_mum wrote: »

hi errata...my sons and the ex and me are on good speaks, its been 15 years! i need to talk to him and explain how his 'home economics' have changed the dynamics of my household...he hasn't had to live with this stroppy 6'2" teenager, maybe if things get too bad he might to have him living with him....!!!!wow, that would change his life a bit, wouldn't it????

And you could send your ex £25 board and suggest he feeds the lad out of it...

KiKi

Can I just point something out - your son isn't paying you rent. He isn't contributing anything to the upkeep of the house. His father is.

If his dad paid *you* directly, then your son wouldn't be contributing and would know no different. He wouldn't be saying "dad has paid you £200 this month, so I'm not going to clean my room and bring girls home", would he? Of course not. So this is no different. It's dad's money, not cash earned by your son.

Whilst I absolutely think that teenagers should learn how to budget, perhaps you could ask your ex to pay the £100 per son to *you*, then the other £100 to your son.

I don't know many teens who get £100 a month pocket money, let alone £200. Your DS doesn't know how lucky he is.

KiKi

anxious_mum

I agree KiKi..i think he should pay it to me.

I don't want him to move out, i love him to bitz...., it must be a mum thing) and then i don't mind being responsible for paying £100 a month for him if he did move to his dad's...what i will do, is i will sit him down and make him go through this thread tomorrow......thank you all, you have all been so supportive...