New Year New Me, the journey continues.........

thrifty_fifty

So yesterday was a bit of a nothing day, but did get some things listed on ebay. Was a bit restless for the rest of the day after doing this. This is of course a move in the right direction, getting rid of these things means shedding the previous me and the debt and all the things that were the old me, so big changes there. So much so that I had a dream that I was at the ex's mum and dad's last night, he was there and we were having a disagreement, there was plenty of space to move round me, but he wanted me to move to get out of his way. I stood my ground, and as much as he tried to push me, I wouldn't budge, it was like my feet were glued to the floor. Weird, but perhaps significant.

Today is about batch baking chicken pie, from the left over meat from the sunday roast. This will of course be v cheap, as only a few carrots needed and I'm going to make the shortcrust pastry myself. I figure that if we have a little something stodgy in the freezer, for those nights when we want a bit more than salad, this will stop us going to the chip shop and frittering away cash.

Also going to look for plans to build a chicken coop, it can't be that hard, surely?

thrifty_fifty

Morning!

Decided today that I'm going to attempt to have a relaxing day, I'm going to read and enjoy my holiday, and not be tempted to do housework, cooking or anything but feed myself and read my book/watch tv. Only 2 hours until the post should arrive, can't you tell I'm just waiting for the zero balance final Barclaycard statement to come through? Sad, I know, but never have I wanted to received a credit card statement so badly. I have of course dowloaded the online statement, but when I get the paper one in my hands then I can really take it in. It's been agony hearing the post lady's trolley come up the street thinking 'stop, stop at my house', only for her to continue by. Hopefully today I will hear the sound of the gate latch being lifted, and she'll have a Barclaycard statement in her hand. Eeek, I can't stand the suspense.

thrifty_fifty

Wahoo, it came through.

Might seem a tad dramatic, but I ran around the house brandishing the statement in my hand, to the tune of 'I've beaten one of you robbing barstewards, two to go!!!'

I really feel like I'm turning this around. The most comforting thought is, that if I get my finger out with ebaying, I could have the other cc balance down to £400 by the end of june, and with £400 owing on the loan, will owe £800 all together. I'm so determined to do it. And with each parcel I ship out of the door, I can feel debt freedom getting closer.

I've started writing in a notebook with lots of positive comments to spur me on, such as, 'this will be my first debt free christmas since 2003', and 'this year my new years wish as big ben chimes, won't be this is the year I change my life and become debt free'. I will be able to celebrate Christmas this year with a clear conscience and hope for the future. Bring it on!!

And on another note, how lovely the Royal couple looked yesterday, very classic. I wish them all the best for the future, they seem like such a lovely couple.

moo2moo

Can loan you my copy of Chicken house plans if you like.

thrifty_fifty

Well folks, it's like the gods are working with me.


Dropped my parcel off at the post office yesterday, and on the way home with OH, bumped into ex best friend. The one who I mentioned in my very first post of my previous diary. The one who was probably happily gloating at my fall from grace (debt and consequent boyf dumping me, and who was and still is dating ex's brother, so will report back, I'm sure). I hadn't even seen her, just heard my name being called out. Now just to get things into perspective (or rather take them out again), I have for the past three years been dreading bumping into the following in public -ex boyf, any of his family and ex best friend.

There was of course the usual patronising tone of 'wow, you looking at plants, we'll make a gardener of you yet', my old reaction would be to sit there feeling like sub human carp at my lack of skills, but yesterday her tone made me angry, how dare she judge me.This is why she is an ex best friend, in fact I see now that she never deserved the title of friend atall. It was (and excuse me for taking a !!!!! trip here, v neccessary), quite satisfying that although she managed to get a little quip in, that I now realise this is how she obtains her power, making herself feel good, by patronising and making others feel inferior to her, and also the fact that there were several awkward moments where I was ready to move away and indicated that I was, and that she was in fact not. I think she needed to speak to me, to see how good or bad I was doing, more than I needed to speak to her.

A good thing in a way though, because I can see how far I have come, how they have stayed exactly the same, and how that whole other world was bad for me, and nearly (and I stress nearly) but not quite broke my spirit. I'm generally a happy go lucky person, can see the good in most things and have enthusiasm. That relationship and the whole family sucked the life force out of me.

It was good in that it made me reflect how if I was still in that situation now, I would still be doing those same old things, and would still be bored and unhappy. I can see that I was in fact stronger than all of them, and they felt the need to try and break me. This person is still 3 years later, dying their hair because their boyfriend of 14 years is paranoid about dating someone of a certain hair colour.

And for such a strong person, that they portray themself to be, she excused herself from the conversation by saying she had to go, because their boyfriend would want their lunch (presumably making for them). To think that I could have been in that kind of relationship?!?

I did turn back, when they were queuing up at the till and they had an unhappy look on their face, and !!!!! over, I actually felt pity for them, because they couldn't change, and couldn't see what was happening to them. I forgive them all and hope that they find the strength to be the people they set out in life , before it's too late.

xx

thrifty_fifty

Anyway, another hurdle over and now moving onto more positive things.

I took the time to write down the names of plants I like. I seem to go for the same sort of flowers, namely big, bold ones that have a scent.
So sorry to bore you, but here is my current list of favourites:

Hibiscus
Jasmine
Gardenia
Orchid
Rhodedendron
Azaelea
Cala lily
Agapanthus sunfield
Anemone

thrifty_fifty

Decided that I'm going to chill and enjoy my last day off before going back to work on monday. Has been bliss, and has made me put things into perspective i.e I don't want to be rolling in money (well, ok that would be nice), but I'd much rather increase my free time. Today rather than seeming to spend all day washing and creating pots I'm going to read my book and enjoy my little bit of peaceful time with OH out of the house. I know that sounds mean and I do love him, but a lady does enjoy a bit of peaceful on her own time too

Nervously watching ebay items, hoping that they make their reserves with two days to go Eek! The usual questions have been addressed: 'do you have a buy it now price in mind?' why do people ask this? There is a reserve price, bid up to the amount you wish to pay and see if you win it. Is that such a hard concept to grasp? Or as the Meercat would say 'simples'. Oooh la la.

thrifty_fifty

After a not so good, start to the weekend -one of those once in a while rows we have-OH being heavy handed with stuff, me asking him to please be careful, and him totally kicking off acusing me of nagging him and criticising him for the last 2.5 years, resulting in him storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him and sulking for the next 1/2 hour. This seems to answer the question, 'do men ever grow up?', ladies I think we know the answer to this one!!

He then returns to accuse me of being mean and upsetting him (yes he is 30, not 5) and why I ask him calmly why he has reacted so aggressively he then kicks off further and starts punching the cupboard door repeatedly. Meanwhile I'm standing in the kitchen in floods of tears thinking please don't punch a whole in the cupboard because it's not our house and how will we get that repaired?

I have warned him that he needs to get his temper under control. I'm not prepared to put up with that.

Anyway, today is a new day. The sun is shining, it's free listing weekend, and one more day before returning to work (yuk).

xx

thrifty_fifty

Yesterday was not a good day. Walked in to hear I have an individual meeting regarding the job situation. I'm at risk of redundancy. Although I knew this was a possibility, it was a very odd day. Some people I think have lost their jobs outright. At the moment I'm possibly part of a pool of people waiting to see if there is a job-too many people versus positions available. For those of us for whom this is the situation, we are the luckier ones, and can't help but feel guilty for those for whom their position just doesn't exist. Trying to get work done yesterday was very strange.

Anyhow I'm trying to stay positive. If I am made redundant, it will be after my debt free date, which is something to be thankful for. I'm so glad I started this journey a year ago. There are those who haven't been through this cutting back process yet, and for them I think yesterday came as the biggest shock. I will only have one personal direct debit after August-£5 for my mobile phone contract, other than that I need £450 for my personal contribution towards my rent and bills.

Got to go now, as cycling this morning.

thrifty_fifty

Hmmm yesterday was a bit bad too. People are starting to talk now, there are those who have been slotted into roles, those who are pooled (me) to fight it out for a job at a ratio of 16:6, and those who have just been made redundant. Horrible thing, but this is yet another kick up the backside to make change. I don't know how to get there though. Arrrrrgggghhhh!

Anyway, today I say sod it. I'm putting on a frock, and my makeup and putting two fingers up to the world. Ha!