engagement present?

brians_daughter

Do you/are you meant to buy engagement presents?

I never have done but my MIL has been on the phone saying my sil's oh is planning to pop the question next week, not sure if SIL knows or not... so i said how nice it was etc and i would get a card..
MIL replied by saying 'well, i have only told you then you can get sorted with a card and present - i think they would like money'

They arent having a party or anything ( i did ask MIl and she said no as its xmas etc) They have been together 13 years and have 4 children so its not as if i can give them money to save for a new home... but is it expected now? Is it the norm to give gifts when no party is taking place and they have been together sooo long?

I feel kind of pressured to give a gift... its Christmas Saturday and her birthday Sunday so shes getting 2 lots of presents as it is (not to mention her oh and 4 children we have bought for)! or is that just me being mean?? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Its not a case of we couldnt if we wanted to, but should we/is it now the norm?

Bloomin_Freezing2

I think considering they've been so long together and have kids, home etc I personally would not get a gift. I'd certainly send a card but nothing else. I'd think gifts were more for couples setting up home together.

jackieglasgow

I have always given engagement pressies, but I remember when we got engaged I was embarressed receiving gifts - go figure. I think a minding such as a nice picture frame or a bouquet of flowers or cinemas / restaurant vouchers depending on your budget is an acceptable gift, especially when they already have a home and family.

Mme.Hibou

We got engaged 2 years ago and married a year ago (this weekend) and we received a couple of cards, but no presents. I've never sent an engagement present or money.

mich13x

When i first saw your post i thought yes of course get a gift then when i read no party i thought hmmm not sure THEN they have been together 13 years with 4 kids, absolutely not:rotfl:

I think the only thing that would make me give a gift is the fact your MIL has sort of put you on the spot. I dont think i would give money though as like you said its not like the have to save for a house or anything.

I would just get a nice card and small token gift, im sure with it being christmas aswell that your SIL wont expect anything too extravagent.

brians_daughter

mich13x wrote: »

im sure with it being christmas aswell that your SIL wont expect anything too extravagent.

Lol. you obviously dont know my SIL!! Thanks all for the replies so far.. I would feel kinda bad if we didnt, but then again i think its kind of cheeky to expect us to give £s..

TBH i would not be at all suprised if SIL had said to MIl to say they want £s..MIL and her soon to be SonIL arent really close, and certianlly dont speak on the phone so the longer i think about the more i feel SIL has told MIL to say this is what she wants..or it may just be my miond working overtime lol!

I may speak to my other SILs and BILs and see if they want to chuck in for a night in a hotel and we will have the children or something? They dont get a break with 4 children so that may be nice and would cost very little money wise

seafarers_wife

No gift! I didnt have an engagement party and got no presents, well I tell a lie, my godparents bought me a terramundi money pot with wedding day on the front to help us save for it, but I got that about 4 months after we got engaged.

Its cheeky now expecting a gift especially when there is no party to go to at their expense.

hoogervaaner

brians_daughter wrote: »

Lol. you obviously dont know my SIL!! Thanks all for the replies so far.. I would feel kinda bad if we didnt, but then again i think its kind of cheeky to expect us to give £s..

TBH i would not be at all suprised if SIL had said to MIl to say they want £s..MIL and her soon to be SonIL arent really close, and certianlly dont speak on the phone so the longer i think about the more i feel SIL has told MIL to say this is what she wants..or it may just be my miond working overtime lol!

I may speak to my other SILs and BILs and see if they want to chuck in for a night in a hotel and we will have the children or something? They dont get a break with 4 children so that may be nice and would cost very little money wise

:T What a lovely thoughtful idea I have never either given or received an engagement present but always send cards. You've given me inspiration should this come up in the future

viktory

brians_daughter wrote: »

MIL replied by saying 'well, i have only told you then you can get sorted with a card and present - i think they would like money'

I think I would have made it quite clear that they would not be getting a present from me - having been together for such a long time kind of negates the whole getting engaged thing anyway!!

To be honest, I think they have a bloody cheek asking for money for their engagement.

barbie_babe

I wouldnt bother getting a present but if you feel you have to because of what mil said to you. I would just get them a bottle of wine.

barbie_babe

your idea of a night in a hotel split between family members sounds fab.