Advice please

posting.id

Some advice please, as im getting myself confused now!

I have met someone last year who has kids and i want to ask her to marry me on Christmas day. She lives in England and i dont so i will have to move there rather than her & the kids move here into my scrawny flat. This means i would have to give up my current job and find another one down there, and proberly have to claim benefits if im allowed until i find a job etc.

Now the problems i can forsee as we have discussed finances previously and she doesnt want to have to rely on me to pay for her & the kids (their dad (ex hubby) is abroad and not been seen in 11 years - complete dead beat and never paid kids a penny). Anyway she is under the impression all her benefits will stop and we will be much worse off living together & married with myself becoming her main carer, the eldest getting a life/college.

She claims (has claimed for 2 years) disability high care & low mobility, ESA (4/5 months assessment phase?) and child tax credit (for two youngest at 11) , housing benefit but it £150ish less than what the landlord wants so she tops it up, council tax benefit and gets free school meals. She also gets financial help getting to hospitial twice a week by taxi. Currently her eldest (16) is her carer full time (since she was 14 really) but she needs to attend college and start building a life for herself and earn money so i will take on this role, she doesnt claim anything at all and still relys on my partner to support her financially

I currently earn about £240 a week take home but obviously going from a single man to a family of 5 will be a big financial shock and then double it if i am unemployed. Would my then wifes claim be cancelled and we have to reapply for all her benefits again or would i just be added as a carer or jobseeker to hers.

Will i be entitled to claim benefit if i leave my job - travelling 100's of miles daily wouldnt be cost effective at all, and if i have to still work there i wont be able to let my step daughter go to college as my wife would need cared for.

This whole system is very confusing and trying to get a straight answer from my local jobcentre is a nightmare so any heads up on what will happen/ and what we should be claiming or preparing for would be great. I figure if i manage to work everything out in advance before asking her again she will not be so worried about money and say yes this time :T

Cheers :beer:

Indie_Kid

Do you know if she's on income or contribution based ESA?

posting.id

It is contributions based as she paid enough stamp i think

Jowo_2

Download the budget planner on the MSE website to understand the full extent of your separate household finances, then use the Turn2us online benefit calculator (the LHA direct site will also help identify the housing benefit) to model the full changes when you move in together.

Most couples fearing an impact on their household finances when they move in together routinely focus on the 'loss' of benefits and not on the savings that come from running a single household instead of two. So when you do your calculations, do take into account the rent/mortgage, council tax, energy, insurance, water, telecoms/tv bills that are significantly reduced when two households are combined. Otherwise you will simply fall into the trap of many others who are amnesiac about signficant household savings and just see it as losing their income.

Her DLA is not means tested, neither is child benefit for households who earn under around 45k approx.

She may not wish you to take financial responsibility at a personal level and you may not wish to be the breadwinner but means tested benefits do not take into account personal wishes and preferences - the benefit system is premised on 'mutual support and assistance' and expects couples to support each other financially even if they don't want to. Therefore, when all your calculations are completed for a scenarios based on you securing full time employment and another being her carer, you will need to have another chat about your attitudes to shared finances in your relationship, as this underpins means tested benefits.

RAS

Also note that if you give up your job voluntarily, you may well be sanctioned, meaning you lose the right to JSA for up to 26 weeks. You remain eligible for housing support.

posting.id

Thanks mate. I will download that now and the turn2us website thing. I have no problem with supporting her or the kids at all, she has been independant financially for a long time since being left with 3 kids and nothing else at all, and is a little scared/wary that is all, but you are right in that we have discussed not paying 2 rents/ tv licenses/ food bills etc but not in any great depth at all. Her total benefits are double what i earn and obviously we dont really combine money yet as we dont live together except for 2/3 days a month when i travel down to hers (I do buy food then though and treat the kids etc).

posting.id

Thanks RAS i did ask that question as i wasnt sure on the criteria for being 'allowed' to give up your job, when you move or your circumstances change. How far do they reasonably expect you to travel?

Jowo_2

posting.id wrote: »

...she has been independant financially for a long time since being left with 3 kids and nothing else at all, and is a little scared/wary that is all

she is not financially independent - she is totally dependent on the state purse. she may be financially independent from you but that will change despite her reluctance, as that's the way the benefit system is set up - it expects couples to look after each other.

posting.id

Yeah well im not going to nit pick, she was completely financially independant until becoming disabled due to an accident. Now she is dependant on the state purse - you are correct, we are very lucky that she has that support in this country despite all the whiners complaining about having to support 'layabouts'. And i agree that couples who live together as a couple should provide for each other.

Tulip09

I dont really bother about the 'state purse' ; she has paid in, im glad she is getting all the help she can get out of it. Her version of independant is proberly the same as mine, ie my responsibility for my kids, my house, my furniture. Money is mine to support my children, it doesnt matter to me if i have been paid it by an employer or the state. It is mine to spend as i like. I know the benefits section is not the nicest place to hang out but you might benefit from trying to speak to an advisor to know exactly if you would lose JSA from giving your job up in advance. Not that it helps but i do know a few people that tend to move when they get bored etc and they still get benefits. Perhaps the CAB would be able to help/advise you also.

Good luck on the proposal and becoming a step parent to teenagers hope you dont go grey to quick!!

Witchfinder_General

Tulip09 wrote: »

I dont really bother about the 'state purse' ; she has paid in, im glad she is getting all the help she can get out of it. Her version of independant is proberly the same as mine, ie my responsibility for my kids, my house, my furniture. Money is mine to support my children, it doesnt matter to me if i have been paid it by an employer or the state. It is mine to spend as i like. I know the benefits section is not the nicest place to hang out but you might benefit from trying to speak to an advisor to know exactly if you would lose JSA from giving your job up in advance. Not that it helps but i do know a few people that tend to move when they get bored etc and they still get benefits. Perhaps the CAB would be able to help/advise you also.

Good luck on the proposal and becoming a step parent to teenagers hope you dont go grey to quick!!

I thought rants were supposed to be in DT?