How to discipline a 28 month old?

SingleMumOf2_3

I am really struggling lately. Even more so because he goes to daddy's 3 days and 3 nights a week who isn't consistent with discipline. Gets all his own way.. deserts if hasn't eaten main etc. But if I bring it up I'm made out to be the bad one.

I have tried the naughty step, reward chart and taking away toys.. nothing seems to have much effect.
He smacks me or his baby brother, throws things in frustration. And meal times are getting a battle. He will kick off while I'm cooking it because he is made to wait, then once its ready he will eat small amount and say he is finished.. but then ask for a yoghurt, lolly, chocolate etc. I then get him screaming the house down cos I say no.. and he will then keep asking til he goes to bed.
He will also not be interested in his food, but constantly come over to me and try and take mine or will prod and poke it if given the chance.. even when most of the time my meal is EXACTLY the same as his.

I am shattered beyond belief atm.. he has been ill for 2 weeks and now baby is ill. I have an operation on friday so he will be at his dads for 4 nights and I worry what he will be like when he comes back especially when I will be less capable of keeping him in check.

Plus baby is being woken up every single time he falls asleep now due to my eldest constantly screaming when he doesnt get his own way.
I feel embarrassed atm when I collect him from nursery because its a battle to get him into the pram as he always wants to walk.. most of the time I will let him walk, but with the snow I cant push a double pram and hold his hand aswell as walk on ice. And after my operation it will be hard enough pushing the pram let alone walking him aswell. but he goes like an ironing board and screams as loud as he can, so to make it impossible for me to get him in.

An example of his behaviour is he has just mithered me none stop for a banana.. as soon as I had opened it and given it to him he has said "no no" and walked off.. sick of wasting food.. I am on a tight enough budget as it is.

He was such a good little boy.. and I know its hard for him since me and his dad split up.. but its been nearly a whole year now. And I am trying my best. I am just stuck on the best way to tackle it all.

Sorry its so long.

sparklystar_2

don't give yourself a hard time for finding it difficult because being a parent is difficult. Children don't understand why the rules are different in different places, if you stick to your guns and carry on being consistent he will learn that tantrums don't lead to puddings, treats etc. I know it's hard at times but I think the most important thing is to stay calm and to not allow yourself to worry what other people think if he has a paddy in public. Kids pick up on parents getting agitated and it often fuels tantrums.
take care x

zzzLazyDaisy

It sounds like a case of the 'terrible twos' to me.

He is two years old, and this sort of behaviour is a normal stage of development.

He is a toddler, he has a short attention span, and he hasn't reached the stage where you can reason with him and expect him to take your concerns on board. If you are expecting more than is reasonable for a child of this age, you are going to get frustrated (and being worried and exhausted doesn't help, I know).

Your child is exhibiting normal toddler behavior. He doesn't have a malicious streak - he's just doing what children do. It's part of normal child development to want to be the center of attention. Getting your attention is what it's about. He'll do that in whatever way works. It's up to you to make sure that attention is given for behaviour you want and not given for behaviour you don't want.

And I do know how easy it is to say from a distance, and how much harder it is when you are in the middle of it.

Of course the important thing is to be consistent, and for both parents to have the same rules so he doesn't get mixed messages, and that's exactly what isn't happening... and there is probably not much you can do to get your ex to see things your way. So the result is a confused child.

All I can suggest is that you remember to have fun with your child. Make sure that you don't get backed into being the 'baddy' all the time while daddy is the fun guy. Praise your child when he behaves well, and if possible don't give any attention to minor misbehaviour, so that you and your child can concentrate on the things that you believe to be important.

Good luck. It is a phase, and he will grow out of it, with guidance.

xxx

Errata

He sounds very unhappy, confused and mixed up and isn't old enough to understand his emotions or to express how he's feeling in words. No rules for half the week at his dad's and rules for half the week at your house is not a good recipe for a happy toddler.

gratefulforhelp_2

Poor you, I don't suppose the half week at his Dad's is your choice.

You have to be very positive and catch him being good and praise him like mad when he is. When he has a tant you need to ignore it, provided everyone is safe, and if he does it then consider putting him in his room until he's calmer.

The key is positive attention for good behaviour and no attention at all for poor behaviour. Can you talk to his Dad at all and form a plan?

God bless, I'm afraid this will go on until he's 3 and more...but he will come out of it if you deal with it right.

missindecisive

hang on in there won't you. what you describe just sounds like the terrible two's to me. nothing unusual - all kids do it. you've just got your hands full with a baby and young toddler. Eventually, they get to what i call ' the age of reason' and it will get easier. Do you have any friends in the same situation as you..lots of mums will tell you they have the same sort of situations with their little ones- you are not on your own. (hugs)

sweetilemon

Just wrote a long post then it disappeared! Anyway it was similar to the above post, don't give up they dont call it terrible twos for nothing. You could maybe calm him down during cooking and encourage him to eat his main by letting him 'help' you. Im not suggesting anything dangerous but maybe help you add the cheese in the maccaroni sauce that kind of thing. Emphasise how well hes done and how you cant wait to eat the dinner he made. If you could put the dinner in a serving dish in the middle of the table so he knows youve got the same and hes not missing out it my help him stop asking for some of your meal. Its not easy but if your consistant he'll learn and itll pay off. Would it help to get him rein for after nursery?it can go around your wrist so you can still push the pram and he can walk but he would need to walk beside you. goodluck.

SingleMumOf2_3

Why would it mean he is unhappy? Yes he probably does get confused having different rules at dads than at mums, but I cant fix that apart from speaking to dad.. which I do frequently.

He has reins and walks to nursery mostly, but in certain circumstances I need him in the pram and sometimes he will refuse to walk, but ask to be carried.. yet kicks off at going in the pram.

I do let him help make meals when I can. He still has tantrums once it has to go in the oven to cook
I wanted dad to have him 2 days and 2 nights, but it ended up as 3 and its now routine. Plus he enjoys seeing his daddy.
I also wonder if him going to daddys but leaving his younger brother with mummy causes some of the problems. He is recently very jelous of him and trys to hit him or has a tantrum if I pick him up.

I will keep at the naughty step and see if there is any change in a few weeks maybe?

meritaten

dont chop and change punishments hun, even if you think it isnt working stick with it! sometimes parents are conditioned to expect instant results by shows such a Nanny 911! stick with the naughty step but preferably as far away from your sleeping baby as possible! then try 'distraction' techniques when you suspect he is about to 'kick off' - give him a task to do such as laying the table, or fetching the butter etc or clean nappy for the baby, be effusive in your praise when he does it and hopefully by then he will have forgotten what he was going to tantrum about! as soon as he finishes eating and before he asks for dessert if he hasnt finished his 'mains' let him take his plate to the sink (which you will have filled with just warm water and bubbles and placed a chair or step for easy access for him), let him wash it up! for some reason, toddlers adore washing up and will happily spend ten minutes or more doing this which gives you a chance to clear away and perhaps snatch 5 minutes 'Me' time! get the idea?
the terrible twos are NOT called that for nothing! you need the diplomacy and tact of a seasoned diplomat and the strength of will of an olympic athlete! but you CAN get through it! it doesnt last forever!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

He has successfully trained his father - Dad thinks it's not worth the bother, but he's allowing himself to be bossed around by something a quarter of his weight and a third of his height.

You're smarter than that.

Use No. And stick to it.

Children adapt to different rules at home and school, he'll adapt to different rules at home, school, Daddy's and Nanny's, etc, etc.

So he'll learn that Mum isn't to be messed with, even if Dad is a pushover.

Oh, and picking the little so and up and physically placing him in the buggy/pram is a perfectly reasonable course of action. Youngest DD was often carried by the harness on her reins, screeching like a Banshee past DD1's head teacher. Head Teacher smiled every time.

You need to develop selective hearing. I have a terrible habit of going deaf when children whinge for stuff or demand things. I still go deaf nowdays when someone forgets please or thank you (which can be a problem when it's a fully grown adult, but it still works for them, too )

Three meals a day, possibly 3 tiny snacks, and you can be confident that there is nowt wrong with the little darling.

paddedjohn

It sounds normal to me, but if you are really bothered then stop his pocket money and ground him for a week