Finding life really difficult without credit

princess1984

I have been BR since May 2010, and my OR wrote to me in September saying I may be given an ED. I am really struggling financially, even without my debts, as my husband lost his job, was turned down for ESA and JSA, and now I have to claim JSA and look for work. It's taken time for it all to go through, and relying on benefits is horrible. My daughter now has free school meals, and I get healthy start vouchers. I feel like a pauper!! My car is on the verge of breaking down, and my husband sold his car to fund a necessary house move back to our hometown where the children go to school. I'd give anything to walk into a garage, buy a newer second hand car and put it on credit. I have only £50 of Love 2 Shop vouchers this christmas (to be spent on the 2 children only, me and husband will go without) but it doesn't feel like enough, and I know how if I was normally in this situation I'd order a few things from a catalogue and pay in Jan. I know it's not ideal and I've coped up until now, but times are now hard and I've got another baby on the way in May 2011. I know life won't be like this forever as my husband is training to be a mechanic and I am training to be a teacher, but life's really hard at the moment, and the thing I'd normally turn to (credit) just isn't available to me. Sorry it's long, just having a down moment.

confused76

sorry to hear you're having a down moment...i think we all know how you feel. a credit card is a bit of comfort in case something goes wrong. however, don't forget the interest they charge...so at least you're not racking up new debt which is great.

have you got any bits n bobs you can sell on ebay?

andyf1980

Firstly have a *hug*

This time of year is difficult enough without being in our situation. I think because Xmas is so commercial it really reminds me that I'm not able to buy something and pay later.

With regard to the benefits, I know how you feel. I was on ESA until they stopped it even though my psychiatrist said I was unfit to work. Then was on JSA for 6 months before I found a job.

I think (most ) people do not want and would not choose to be on benefits. The way I tried to look at it was to think I had put plenty of money into the system when I was working and that it was a short term thing. That said it was just me and with a young family it must be really tough.

It sounds as though you and husband are doing some really positive things in terms of training. I guess it's a case of things being cr*p in the short term.

I think if you can get through Christmas and into the new year then everything will start to look more positive. :A

kepar

If you cannot afford the items now , how will be able to pay for them in January?. It is a problem all br's face, where does the extra money come from and won't it be nice to get credit. But then it was too much credit that got us into the mess in the first place, a bit of a chicken and egg problem.

Do you need a car, getting rid of it would save you probably at least £100 a month, and when and if you or your husband get work then buy one then.

princess1984

Thanks for your lovely and understanding replies everyone :-)

Confused..I don't really have much to sell! Most of the furniture in my home is broken or old..sofas and daughter's bed in real need of replacing which breaks my heart as it makes me feel like mean mummy.

Andy, thanks for that, sometimes it's hard to get to grips with being on benefits, my morale is really low and I actually cried when getting my crisis loan. This isn't how I imagined life after bankruptcy - or ever really. Also my husband's dad totally didn't understand when his birthday present was some picutres our girls made him, we always buy him his fave cigars, so he's been banging on about how Christmas will be rubbish now we've got him as our 'not so secret santa'. It makes me cross when friends really don't understand that 'I've got no money' actually means, 'we're eating the last of our beans and off to the food bank at the church'. People's perspectives on benefits get me down. One letting agent I was speaking to, I said that some letting agents don't like people on housing benefit. He said he was one of them. Disheartening.

Good point Kepar, I'm just hoping I can keep my head above water and remember the important things this Christmas. We do need a car for studying yes, considering it's an 11year old car it won't sell for much and we wouldn't have the money to front to buy one when working.

DaisyChainMaker

Big huggles for you at this time, I do appreciate its hard when struggling with money and you have children at this time of year.

But, now for my unwanted advice...
Look at the positives, concentrate on what you do have, not what you dont. You have two gorgeous children, and another on the way to look forward to.
You have your husband and a roof over your head. You live in a country that provides benefits so you wont end up homeless or starving. You and your husband are obviously intelligent people, as both studying for a future, so you can support each other and also work out strategies to cope during this difficult time.

If others (eg the father in law) dont understand that you can't afford expensive christmas presents this year then that is their problem not yours. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone else. Concentrate on what is important... your family.

Look through the forum on debt-free wannabees as there are loads of useful hints and tips to save money and even make money there. Life on a budget is a challenge but certainly do-able. Just takes commitment and the ability to embrace the changes necessary.

Christmas is not about presents, use this year as an opportunity to really embrace old fashioned values into your children. Enjoy spending time together gathering holly, or going for snowy walks, or making christmas presents, cooking together, decorating a tree etc etc. Time is precious and no amount of money/credit can ever compete.

I have been where you are now. And I have learnt the true value of what is important in life. Legs were invented before cars so if you can't afford to run a car then don't have one. Think of the walking as free exercise and time spent chatting to your children or partner. Use public transport, by walking to local park and rides and making most of discounted journeys etc.

I used to think I was poor when I had three children and was living on benefits, up to my lugoles in debt and struggling. Now I have one child at home (others have grown up and left) I am still reliant on some benefits (as work part time so get WTC/CTC etc), but realise that learning to budget to my limited income and not having any debts is priceless.

Best of luck. Happy christmas xx

FavDaughter1

Hi,we're at the start of sorting ourselves out,hoping to do a F&F IVA. your post touched me. have you heard of Freecycle? it's a sort of re cycling/re homing site where people can post WANTED or OFFER ad's for items like a bed. they have local groups in all area's. the idea is that the items that are "OFFERED" to go to new homes are totally free of charge, it's meant to stop landfill.

my gas fire's broken,so I've put a WANTED on there,no joy yet but i've seen washers,pans,bedding,bed's etc on there all free.

the biggest gift your children will remember is the time you spent with them, Poundland have loads of craft items very cheap,kids love making cakes,borrow books from the library-make time to cuddle and read.
I remember our boys were very little,I was off work sick( I'd had a heart operation,money was very tight) we had enough money to buy them a present,you'll laugh,we gave them both a little cheap pushchair and a teddy each,it was all we could afford. they played for hours with them,we had photos of them playing months later in the summer in the garden with them. the photo reminds me of the sadness I felt,my hubby and I had no money to give each other anything,BUT, if my boys(now 21&23) see that photo they say,"I loved that pram","did you keep that teddy mum?"
I've got a friend who knits toys for her granddaughter. you might find patterns in the charity shops,even wool! you could put a ad on the Freecycle site for toy knitting patterns,needles & wool,it's free,you've got nothing to loose!

It doesn't help you this year but you can plan for next year,start a card off,£1 a week on something like the Asda card,money for a few treats and a present for the kids.
big hug

nomoreboomandbust

princess1984 wrote: »

I have been BR since May 2010, and my OR wrote to me in September saying I may be given an ED. I am really struggling financially, even without my debts, as my husband lost his job, was turned down for ESA and JSA, and now I have to claim JSA and look for work. It's taken time for it all to go through, and relying on benefits is horrible. My daughter now has free school meals, and I get healthy start vouchers. I feel like a pauper!! My car is on the verge of breaking down, and my husband sold his car to fund a necessary house move back to our hometown where the children go to school. I'd give anything to walk into a garage, buy a newer second hand car and put it on credit. I have only £50 of Love 2 Shop vouchers this christmas (to be spent on the 2 children only, me and husband will go without) but it doesn't feel like enough, and I know how if I was normally in this situation I'd order a few things from a catalogue and pay in Jan. I know it's not ideal and I've coped up until now, but times are now hard and I've got another baby on the way in May 2011. I know life won't be like this forever as my husband is training to be a mechanic and I am training to be a teacher, but life's really hard at the moment, and the thing I'd normally turn to (credit) just isn't available to me. Sorry it's long, just having a down moment.

Sorry to hear you are struggling, I am sure things will get better. I am just curious as I would like to train to become a teacher one day, how are you funding your training ?

alastairq

Hi, I understand your predicament and fully sympathise...not sure you'd want a hug from me though?

Struggling on a limited budget is always made more poignant at this time of the year.

How old are the kids?

Are they influenced in their needs and desires by others they have contact with?

This, too, is always difficult....however, it is often the smaller, more insignificant presents which can bring the greatest joy.....time to perhaps be getting inventive?


Your car is a lot newer than any of mine have been....11 years old?....My current one is on an R plate!.....however,given the chosen path your hubby wants to take, job-wise...you have the physical means to keep your car up to scratch for minimal costs....just because a car appears to be 'old' does not mean it must be abused....care for it, and it might last longer than you expect.


The trouble with 'credit'...in whatever form it takes, amongst other things is, it raises our 'expectations'...unreasonably, IMHO.


You really ought not compare life before BR with life now......BR means a fresh start....which as such, encompasses a lot more than mere finances...it also can mean a fresh start with regards to attitudes...

Your reference to your relatives' attitudes, compared to yours, hi-light this aspect...don't ever be ashamed because you have little or no money to spare.

One day, they too could suffer similar misfortunes to yourselves..then they'd really get the message?

Planning ahead really is the key now....credit somehow takes away the necessity for planning....but, like all things, the less you do, the more it costs.

Keep contributing here, you never know, bright ideas come from the strangest places?

Hanky3

If your husband was turned down for JSA I assume this was because you were working at the time?

If you're now claiming JSA of your own, which I assume is contribution based, you are entitled to make a joint claim now for income based JSA.

The *ahem* kind people who work in the Jobcentre won't tell you this, as they seem to be targeted on how many people they stop from claiming, not how many people they actually help.

If you contact the jobcentre direct and make a rapid reclaim for the both of you stating you both need to be on income based this should give you more benefits, which at the end of the day is your entitlement.

Also if you rent your property privately you should be entitled to housing/council tax benefit which you can sort out by contacting your local council directly (don't let the jobcentre do this for you, they will probably mess this up).

Tupperware_Queen

oh bless you. I have done the BR deed last month - and I too am faced with a limited christmas. I don't care if others are upset by having no pressies, or homemade stuff - it was trying to live up to other people's expectations which contributed to my debts in the first place. (OH is youngest in his family by many years, and all his brothers and sisters have established careers and good homes etc - we felt the pressure to match them in the present stakes, even though we had a lot less - silly I know, but there you go)

This year, its kids only, and by kids I mean under 16 only - (there are nieces and nephews nearly as old as me, who we have always bought pressies for - not this year) and the kids will be getting basic pressies - wilko's and B & M bargains have some great 'lego' type toys for a quarter of the real thing.

As for the benefits, you have paid in, you are only getting back your entitlement. DON'T feel guilty, you have not done anything wrong.

The one tradition I refuse to let go of, is the making of the gingerbread house. Every year we make it from scratch, proper gingerbread, lots of sweets and choccies and icing - then on Boxing day we start to demolish it. Total cost, even if you go wild with sweets, is £10, and when all the nieces and nephews come round (even the big ones) they want a piece. This will be happening if I have to crawl on my hands and knees in the street to collect the money for it!!!