Help why cant I take care of my own parents?

kegg_2

You already claim carers allowance which is £53.90 per week for which you should be doing at least 35 hours care a week to qualify for but by your own account you are not doing.
You can only earn upto £100 per week and be eligable for carers so how can you then run your self employed book keeping buisness and also have your parents employ you and pay you another £100 per week? It will take you over the amount you are able to earn to qualify.

If the house was in such a state that your sister had to clean it on her visit then clearly you are not able to keep on top of everything on your own.
Sounds to me your brother is not happy with the amount of care you are apply to provide so in the best interests of your parents he has sorted out a professional carer to fill the gap. Rather than arguing with your brother and trying to get the job for yourself you should be encouraging your parents to allow the carer to do the job she is employed to do.

I feel your own problems with your views on your brother are clouding your judgement. A small example is the wet room. You say they have a shower room and an upstairs bathroom but a wet room is not the same. A wet room would give them leval access to a shower which is a great help to aging and disabled people as it allows the use of bath wheelchairs and shower chairs. It is easier for a carer to assist and a lot safer to use ie no trip hazards ect. Why would you not want your parents to have one?

rose28454

kegg wrote: »

You already claim carers allowance which is £53.90 per week for which you should be doing at least 35 hours care a week to qualify for but by your own account you are not doing.
You can only earn upto £100 per week and be eligable for carers so how can you then run your self employed book keeping buisness and also have your parents employ you and pay you another £100 per week? It will take you over the amount you are able to earn to qualify.

If the house was in such a state that your sister had to clean it on her visit then clearly you are not able to keep on top of everything on your own.
Sounds to me your brother is not happy with the amount of care you are apply to provide so in the best interests of your parents he has sorted out a professional carer to fill the gap. Rather than arguing with your brother and trying to get the job for yourself you should be encouraging your parents to allow the carer to do the job she is employed to do.
I feel your own problems with your views on your brother are clouding your judgement. A small example is the wet room. You say they have a shower room and an upstairs bathroom but a wet room is not the same. A wet room would give them leval access to a shower which is a great
help to aging and disabled people as it allows the use of bath wheelchairs and shower chairs. It is easier for a carer to assist and a lot safer to use ie no trip hazards ect. Why would you not want your parents to have one?

Firstly I think you misunderstood what I meant about my employment status. If I was to work for my parents I would not be doing my bookkeeping aswell. I only mentioned my present job in regard to the keeping of accounts if social services gave them extra money. With regard to the wet room they have a shower that us all on one level and my
Mum already has a fitted seat. There would be no room for a wet room without fairly major building works and a much greater priority is getting their house better insulated and heated as there gas bill last winter was £50 per week. I have enquirer with warm front and have also details of a scheme where they could have new windows and the monies would not need to be repaid until they are no longer with us
Maybe what I should do is just do as my aunt advised today ( and she was a carer for many years) and that is not discuss it with anyone and just rake the woman 1 weeks money and ask for keys back ( which by the way my parents asked my brother not to give her but he did anyway). My aunt says my mother has been on the phone sobbing this week because she says she has no wish to have this woman in her house and she is too frightened of him to argue with him over it.

Just as an aside my brother broke their sink upstairs about 6 months ago and I eventually found a plumber to fix it as he made no attempt to do it. They also have a toilet in the shower room that he fitted that is not properly attached to the floor and leaks abd is wobbly. Ever time I mention it they say not to worry as they don't want to ask him to fix it.

I have almost decided that I will back off completely now, give up the carers allowance and distance myself from the whole situation. I did want to help them but it seems I can't. Btw I went and had t abd cake with her this afternoon, did some shopping, got some items from the garage she needed, loaded the dishwasher, watched some tv with her and dried the washing. And that is all after someone has been in today to care for them.

Also would like to say I do actually detest my brother for the way he has treated my parents in having most of their money off of them and leaving them with a mortgage at their age. I love my parents but maybe I can't help them after all. I have tried to put my feelings for him aside for their sake but a person can only be trodden on so many times
Now I must try to sleep

paddedjohn

£50 quid a week?? Is the heating on full with the windows open?

Penry

Rose, if you seriously think that your mother is frightened of your brother (crying on the phone to your aunt) you or your aunt MUST inform the Social Work Department who can make their own independent investigation.

I'm not sure why you feel that you can't help your parents and have to back away. You are helping your parents by doing all of the things you mention, popping to the shops, watching TV, having some cake. This is what families do when they visit. Caring can be very hard, especially if there is disagreement. Is there a local carers group? They may be able to offer advice or counselling.

Also you mention that the Social Care team had suggested extra money to pay for care. I presume that this must be Direct Payments/Self Directed Support and it would NOT be paid to a family member i.e. you except in VERY unusual circumstances. The family disagreement over you being their carer is likely to mean that there is no way you would receive this money from the Council. You could help them your mum and dad keep the records etc, but they would need to employ someone else, and the council would give them money to pay for this.

It sounds like you are having a tough time and I wish you the best.

rose28454

paddedjohn wrote: »

£50 quid a week?? Is the heating on full with the windows open?

They have gas central heating and a gas fire. The fire is on full all day as my dad has aenimia and is always cold. Theyhad cavity wall insulation and loft insulation a couple of years ago but even so the housenever feels reallywarm. Heatingis on all day aswell. Only the kitchen has doubleglazed windows.the rest are wooden or metal. The Loungehas a large patio window but it is wooden and old and although they are supposed to be double glazed the thermal break is gone in one half.

rose28454

sloughflint wrote: »

I posted yesterday and them removed it wondering if I was too harsh but no, your family is an utter disgrace.
You say you care for your parents and yet you are considering stopping your 'help' - at a time when your mother has the added worry of a husband in hospital.

It is quite evident from all your posts on your two threads that your parents' needs are far from being met.

If you truly want to make a difference, you need to compose a factual, non emotional letter to Adult services giving a history of events since your parents' case was closed, your perception of their needs, your concerns regarding your brother's management of their affairs and contact details of the family friend.
This case needs to be re-opened fast and control given to an impartial
person who considers the parents' views,feelings and needs.
Shame on the lot of you. No wonder your poor mother is in tears. She is going through hell.

Thanks for your honest view of things. I will call the lady at the social services on Monday and ask if they can arrange a review of the case. Don't think I am not ashamed of my feelings about this whole thing because I am. I have not discussed the carer with my mum at all this week and have just telephoned her and done anything she asked me to do. Hopefully the weather will be better today so I can take her to visit him. My oldest sister is coming home from Switzerland where she lives on 23rd until the 4th jan so I think it best to leave things as they are until then as the carer will be given holiday then and my we can all assess the situation.

Savvy_Sue

Action on Elder Abuse - did we mention them in your previous thread?