Mother's contribution to home

confused76

hi rubie might be worthwhile popping a full soa up here or just completing it for your own use

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

it will help you think about where it is all going

Rubie-blu

Thanks confused - I will do that.x

ascot64

Rubie-blu wrote: »

My original "any thoughts" was really asking if I was being reasonable or not. I can see by your responses that I'm clearly not being reasonable and just looking to bleed my mum dry before she dies. Thanks for your help.. x

I think you have received some very unfair and judgemental responses on here.

I do not think you are being unreasonable to expect a contribution to the household expenses from your mother and personally she should feel extremely grateful to have a loving daughter who cares enough about her to look after her.

I think her attitude is very poor. I look after my mother in law and I know how hard it can be caring for an elderly relative. To be honest I think you are being taken advantage of. What mother wouldn't happily pay her way if she is able to as yours certainly seems to be. It would be different if you were rolling in it and didn't need the money.

What I can't understand is how does someone of her age and disability who up until 15 months ago was not even giving you anything at all towards her living expenses has managed to run up £20k worth of debt when she has had so much disposable income.

So do post your SOA so that we can give suggestions and maybe suggest a fair amount for both your partner and mother to be contributing and also where you might make some savings.

Mojisola

You could ask for the Pensions Service to come and look at what benefits your mother is entitled to. She should be getting a pension, pension credit and Attendance Allowance. They will do a full assessment of her needs, apply for anything she's entitled to and isn't getting and may help with the debt repayment as well.

I can't understand why people think she should live with you for nothing. She has money coming in for her needs and should be contributing to the household.

amibovvered

My mother (93 with state pension and attendance allowance) insists on giving me £100 each week to help with living expenses. I don't really like taking it, but she gets upset if I don't because she doesn't want to be a burden. She also gives me extra money towards car repairs so that she doesn't feel guilty if she needs me to drive her somewhere. If she ever needed anything she couldn't afford to get with the remainder of her pension I would pay for it without hesitation, as I can manage the bills myself, but it is important for her self-respect to contribute.

kepar

If your mother's contribution goes up , then your % of household bills goes down. meaning that when you inform the OR your IPA will go up . It is worth putting up an IPA to see where your excess is going. This will help when you send it to the OR.
Nobody is saying that your mother should live with you for nothing, but surely you have to assess her outgoing as to regards paying her debts off to see what the remainder is.
As stated previous any rise will have to be notified to the OR.

alastairq

Nobody is saying that your mother should live with you for nothing,

well...that's not the impression I got when I read through this thread!

Hence why I got on my high horse.

Any allowances [over and above state pension] are intended to pay for care or services.

Not to enhance existing income.

so, in my view, any carer providing those services should receive that due payment.....

It is not as if a carer is actually depriving an older person of basic income.....no-one decry's a landlord for taking rent off a pensioner, when that rent is subject to, and paid for, by Housing Benefit?

In my own experience, it is quite feasible for a pensioner of advanced years to run up a large credit bill.

I had an Aunt [not even a 'blood' relative]....who, once widowed, [and definitely not ambulatory...unless no-one was looking]..proceeded to spend huge amounts on credit cards previously applied for.....gambling!

Her great joy in life was to get on her [free] scooter and spend the day in a bookies.

I only discovered the extent of her debt when she eventually had to get a place in a care home.....organised by ourselves, as none of her 'relatives' were interested...and we were lumbered with her power-of-attorney!

What a nightmare.....but we do these things out of duty, do we not?

milothewestie

alastairq wrote: »

your response pre-supposes an affirmative reply to your initial question.

Also, there is no place whatsoever on this forum for moral judgements...lest they be returned tenfold?

The elderly, blind lady is in receipt of pensions and benefit assistance, intended to pay for care, keep and support.

And should be used for such.

£250 board per month is a trifling sum in comparison to her monthly income.....considering it must account for not just food and care, but heat, support, and a multitude of other costs.

If the lady has debts, then at her age it is but a short step to disposing of them.

What those debts were originally for is also irrelevant......

dealing with them is relevant.

As for 'caring for nothing?'

well, we no longer live in a society where care for our elderly is considered to be the burden of the children.

the rights and wrongs of that attitude is something which must be taken up with society itself....as a whole....not with individuals.

very well written and said

debtinfo

Hi Rubie, I think that it is entirely appropriate for all adults that live in the house to make a contribution to the household bills. The OR will also have taken this position and is probably why they reduced your expense allowances, ie they are allowing you expenses for 2 people not 3 which may be why you are struggling now.

To all the other idiots that have been commenting, The OP is only trying to budget properly, her mother receives monies to pay for living costs and should do so, at no point is there any cause to assume that the OP is leaching of her mother, just butgeting for the whole household and it is frankly pathetic that your first replies assume that the OP would do this.

Although the OP needs her mother to pay her way as well im sure she helps her mother in none monetary ways and by administering the whole household, things that im sure her mother would have a great deal of difficulty doing on her own