Mother's contribution to home

Rubie-blu

Hello, I dont know if anyone can help or even if I'm on the right thread, but I would appreciate some advice.

My mother is 86, registered blind and lives with me. I rent a house with my partner, we both work full time. I went BR back in Dec 2008.

My monthly salary is £1690 and my partner makes a contribution of £500 but I am struggling to make ends meet. I know this isn't a bad income, but all my household direct debits come to just over £1300, and I pay my OR £110 a month on top, plus things like petrol and car ins.

I ask my mother for £250 a month ('all in'), which she pays but says she can't afford. I know she owes about £20k to credit cards, and her pensions come to roughly £1051 a month. I don't know if i'm being unreasonable in thinking about asking her for more money, even though i know she will object.

Any thoughts?

Rubie-blu

Can anyone help with this or am i on wrong thread?

JCS1

If she owes about £20k on credit cards I think she would benefit from chatting to one of the free debt charities. Then the amount of board she pays could be discussed when sorting out an SOA.

duncan303

perhaps I and others are wondering how she ran up 20 grand on credit cards, was this also used to bail you out?

tapping up your blind 86 year old mother cos you have overspent again, maybe that's why you expect her to object, or do you think that a positive reply on here will help justify that which you know is morally wrong.

cash cow or vulnerable old blind woman.

you should be looking after her for nothing



..

alastairq

duncan303 wrote: »

perhaps I and others are wondering how she ran up 20 grand on credit cards, was this also used to bail you out?

tapping up your blind 86 year old mother cos you have overspent again, maybe that's why you expect her to object, or do you think that a positive reply on here will help justify that which you know is morally wrong.

cash cow or vulnerable old blind woman.

you should be looking after her for nothing



..

your response pre-supposes an affirmative reply to your initial question.

Also, there is no place whatsoever on this forum for moral judgements...lest they be returned tenfold?

The elderly, blind lady is in receipt of pensions and benefit assistance, intended to pay for care, keep and support.

And should be used for such.

£250 board per month is a trifling sum in comparison to her monthly income.....considering it must account for not just food and care, but heat, support, and a multitude of other costs.

If the lady has debts, then at her age it is but a short step to disposing of them.

What those debts were originally for is also irrelevant......

dealing with them is relevant.

As for 'caring for nothing?'

well, we no longer live in a society where care for our elderly is considered to be the burden of the children.

the rights and wrongs of that attitude is something which must be taken up with society itself....as a whole....not with individuals.

themull1

I wouldn't take payment off my 86 year old registered blind mother in the first place....

McKneff

You other half seems to be leeching a bit just paying £500 to be honest.

If he lived elsewhere his rent would be nearly that much. get him to cough up a bit more.

alastairq

themull1 wrote: »

I wouldn't take payment off my 86 year old registered blind mother in the first place....

If such care should be 'automatically' provided by offspring, it could be argued, in the above quote, that all state-provided payments to the lady, intended to pay for care and keep, etc, should be returned......to be used by those who have to pay for their care?

What price the old lady's income in that case?

kepar

Your household income is £1690+500 +250 totalling £2440
Your outgoings are £1300 +£110 totalling £1410
This gives £1000 spare , and you are struggling, I suggest you have a look at what else you are spending money on before asking for more. How come the OR left you with so much spare?

Rubie-blu

I don't think I contributed to my mum's credit card debt. She has lived with me for 17 years without contribution to household expenses (that was my doing mind) expcept for the last 15 months or so, following my BR when I realised I couldn't support her fully. If money wasn't an issue I would willingly keep her without requesting payment from her, she is my my mum and i really don't want to sound like a leach. But the reality is, I am fully stretched. My partner's argument is that he gives his fair share, which I agree with actually - and he doesn't go and give his 78 year old mum money to support her living expenses - plus he has three children to support.

This is a real dilemma for me - I don't want to take advantage of anybody, least of all her and equally I don't expect my partner to subsidise her/me us.

The reason I believe she will object is because she objected when I asked her to start making a contribution - she does think that I am better off because I'm a BR.

I'm sorry if i offended anyone, just looking for opinions/advice..

McKneff

He isnt paying his fair share, and the fact he has 3 children is not your problem.
How on earth can you agree with him.

Write it down

Rent
Gas
Electric
Water
Food
insurance
etc etc.
£500 he's having a laff at your expense.