Finding it hard to keep positive

Norfolk_Jim

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1315
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 487
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1802
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 210
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 155
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 134
Electricity............................. 60
Gas..................................... 7
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 48
Telephone (land line)................... 20
Mobile phone............................ 45
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 23
Internet Services....................... 34
Groceries etc. ......................... 250
Clothing................................ 50
Petrol/diesel........................... 200
Road tax................................ 18
Car Insurance........................... 26
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 45
Car parking............................. 10
Other travel............................ 88
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 80
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 25
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 25
Buildings insurance..................... 15
Contents insurance...................... 12
Life assurance ......................... 10
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 20
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1632

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 125000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 500
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 125500

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 39000....(210)......2.99
Secured Debt.................. 24000....(155)......4.25
Total secured & HP debts...... 63000.....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
barclaycard....................6200......157.......6.9
tesco..........................2100......53........0
Total unsecured debts..........8300......210.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,802
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,632
Available for debt repayments........... 170
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 210
Amount short for making debt repayments. -40
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 125,500
Total HP & Secured debt................. -63,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -8,300
Net Assets.............................. 54,200
Created using the SOA calculator at www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using IE browser.

Actually I dont think this is that accurate overall as groceries / clothing is hard to seperate. We spend 300 on food, household goods, repairs, toiletries, pet food, shoes, clothing and anything else people need.
We have been supporting a young boy in Honduras for some years now and theres no place for the 21 I spend there
And theres nothing and no column for wifes crazy spending!
Satellite: Its going, so wont feature beyond this month.
And unexpected, emergencies - there seems no place for that.
On CCCS it made it -100 for repaying debt.
My own rekoning is that we probably sink further into the mire to the tune of 200 a month once these things get factored in, maybe more.

RAS

Blimey Jim.

Is that the sum total of your debts?

Norfolk_Jim

Today has been an utterly miserable day

Spent my last hour at work on phone being chewed up without mercy by irate parent.

Do you ever have those times that you go not 1 but `17 extra miles for someone only for them to come back later and do the dog all over you and make out like you are such a wicked person.

So hard to stay professional in those circumstances

No back up from the management either

Its just not been a good day at all

Norfolk_Jim

RAS wrote: »

Blimey Jim.

Is that the sum total of your debts?

And to think, just 4 years ago I owed nothing

And I still have enough assets to be worth taking it from me

Ames

Jim, if that much has been racked up in four years then your wife really needs to get help with this. Does she at least atmit she's ill and has a problem? I have bipolar and go through phases of overspending, but to do it all the time must be horrendous.

Norfolk_Jim

Well its not just her, there are repairs for the car and bedding and teenagers needs and things. We dont do holidays any more. We did end up paying £1000 vet fee because I forgot to buy vet insurance before spike broke his leg - I cant kill pets, I'm a softie. We had to buy a new boiler when our old one was condemned and we spent money trying to sell our old house and were knocked down on our selling price so it isn't fair to blame it all on wife - her health problems are only one contributing factor. I spent nearly £3000 getting her teeth fixed when she suffered serious dental collapse, and then there was my 2 years of mental breakdown when I was anybodies and gave in to every request no matter how stoopid - 9 hoovers.
I think that in every debt problem there is often going to be a complicated web of bad choices, surprising turn of events and unexpected happening and possibly a portion of foolishness as well.
The wife is trying to find work. We thought she would have more chance in this big town with national chain employers like Tesco and Morrisons but still not a single interview. One place took up references but no interview. Theres still prejudice against mental illness out there but also a lot of competition. We felt sure she'd get a Christmas job but no luck yet.
You just dont think it will keep on keeping on - bursts of unfounded optimism spur us on to foolish things in the belief that it will soon get better.

Did the CCCS thing again now I have my figures - they rekon 150pm more out than in - and again, no place for the Mrs £50pm pin money so actualy its 200 - about what I feared.
Where did it all go?
I was once completely debt free - no mortgage - nothing. If I was on my own I'd live in a van, but IF's are useless

Sparklyfairy

I know you're not keen on paying only token payments, but it will free up some money to enable you to start an emergency fund to pay for those unexpected emergencies that crop up. During those 6 months, hopefully your wife may be able to get that part time job that she's been after & will help.

You say "You just dont think it will keep on keeping on - bursts of unfounded optimism spur us on to foolish things in the belief that it will soon get better." But IT WILL. You have been having a hell of a time & you need to ease off on yourself.

Is it possible for you to get another part time job to help out with things? Taxi at weekends (esp this time of year), if you're a teacher - be a tutor or mark exams, etc. Everything helps & the kids also need to start earning...if they don't - no extras.

Buffythedebtslayer

Jim, wonderous lovely Jim. This is so wrong that you feel like this.

I am truly sorry if this sounds harsh but please change the damn pin numbers on the cards at least. I know what you are saying re debt problems having many causes but honestly it would help you would break even if there were minimal un- neccessary spends.

can't she give you a month? just to have a breather?

xx

Ames

Jim, all of the expenses you're talking about are 'normal' emergencies. You've had incredibly bad luck with them all coming at once. Most households though would cut back their expenditure for that month to deal with the emergency. I understand your wife's compulsion to spend, but she really needs to get help with it. It's ruining her life. Left to her she would presumably see the hoovers as more important than a boiler, because that's how her illness affects her. She might not like it, but this means it's got to the point where her illness is having an impact on her and the family's day to day living. Instead of sticking up for her, which is totally understandable, you need to take a step back. She needs help for everyone's sake, and saying 'oh it's not all her' is doing no-one any favours. I know it's really hard to take that step back, but you really need to do it and make sure she gets help with her illness.

Have you looked at it from the point of view of the problems it's causing for your children and how much the illness is affecting their stability, even if they're not aware of it? I know it's really horrible to have to think that way, but please try and get her help for their sakes.

Norfolk_Jim

Left to her the item of the moment would be more important to her than me or the kids - thats the nature of the beast.
At least twice in the last 4 years I've laid it on the line - the latest desire or me - guess what the choice was? But a man can't just walk out on his kids. By that I don't mean to be critical of anyone who felt compelled to part company with a spouse - there are circumstances when its warranted so it just a statement about me, not a blanket statement about anyone else.
In the past - before all this - whenever something came along we would batten down the hatches and do what it took to pay our way. We would sit together in the early hours doing low paid home tasks (yes, they do exist but they are hard to find and beware the scams) for pennies, but every penny counted. We would share in trying to keep the bills down, stretching that chicken to 3 meals, discovering the joy of soup. We would pick tins from bins when they were worth a penny a can and take them to the scrap. We would do boot sales - it wasn't always like this - we would work hard together. At that time I worked on the land - I knew where to finbd the hedgerow harvest. I knew the estate like it was my own and we, and her parents would go and pick the chestnuts, apples, cherry plumbs, blackberries etc. I had (have) no qualms of being creative with roadkill.
So we were never rich, but we never let a debt live. We had a friend who was a dentist and he looked after us. It was a happy home.
Then we had some misfortune, the worst being losing a pregnancy late and resulting sterility. It was a very messy situation, we wanted the child so bad, we saw the child alive, it was tough on me, God only knows how it was for her. A year later on, the anniversary of that day, it was a New Years day - she just lost it - broke down, went to bits. 2 years of utter nightmare followed living with someone who had become a total stanger and who I did not like. We struggled on - something of my wife returned - then we started to fall into debt and my partner was no longer a partner, I found myself on my own. I'd changed careers and gone to night school to get my Cert Ed. Now I was doing further ed, a new job, all the domestic work and it just got too much. I had a mental breakdown of my own - was unable to work for a year, another year rehabilitating - thankfully my employer stood by me all that time - not many would. It's rarely black & white. I've always managed the money, so I feel its my fault we're in this mess, I didn't stand up under the nagging. But its horrible when you can't trust your partner, they lie, they go behind your back and get things, because it must be horrible to be in like a parent / child relationship and be the child character.
I've worked so very, very hard and it just hasn't been enough. I've stood by all my vows and I will till the day I die.
I'm rambling now, shall I post this or not? The kindness of strangers. Thank God this place is anonymous