Finding it hard to keep positive

Norfolk_Jim

Mmmmm....

CCCS debt solution tells me what I already knew - at least 100 more goes out every month than comes in. Actually its worse than that as not everything fits the boxes and in some cases I had to reduce the true spending before the box would allow me to submit that.

There is so much I could moan about regarding my circumstances but it achieves nothing

Later on I'll do a new SOA and see what you all think. For now I have to go to work. Feel so bad that I cant provide adequately for my family yet am still working myself into the ground. Hard work does not always = a living wage

looktothefuture

Norfolk Jim, it is hard work trying to keep positive - but look back at the end of it and you will see just how far you came!

You can do this! I know you can!

Tixy

Hi Jim

Sorry to hear things are not improving - have you been to the doctors (or back to the doctors) recently to talk about your feelings and depression?

Welcome to moan on here anytime Jim, you might feel it achieves nothing but just being able to rant can stop you bottling the feelings up and maybe someone will have some suggestions on how things can improve for you.

It is worth doing the statement of affairs again, what did the CCCS remedy suggest? I can't recall if you are already on a DMP or anything?

Remember even if someone's finances were in a state that bankrupty was the only sensible option, this would still be a far better option than doing something drastic. I don't know if things are so bad that you are still feeling suicidal sometimes but if they are do talk to someone, or even to us.

Take care Jim.

RAS

Norfolk_Jim wrote: »

Feel so bad that I cant provide adequately for my family yet am still working myself into the ground. Hard work does not always = a living wage

Jim

Knowing your situation from other threads, the last sentence may be true, but you need to remind yourself that the problem is NOT your income or your financial management, it is your wife's spending habits.

You provide quite adequately for your family.

No-one could provide adequately to a compulsive spender, even millionaires go bankrupt compulsive spending.

lornz23

Have you done a benefit check up to ensure you are getting everything you can to possibly help you and your fam?

Norfolk_Jim

Yes I have thank you.

When I get a moment to myself I'll post a new SOA. It's worse than before

I'm really worried about what will happen as various benefits are removed now the kids are growing up. We are really only one serious disaster away from meltdown.

CCCS said I should not be making more than token payments to my creditors. That hurts. I'm 46 - I have never, ever failed to pay anyone what I owe them ever, I just don't see me starting now.

The daughter is getting upset at school, so much so the school is getting involved with us. I know it upsets her to see mum & dad (mostly dad) fighting over money and debt. The school has paid for her to go on a Christmas school trip - I feel about an inch tall. Stupid pride, but there it is, it's how I am. I work in education and can't afford to send my own kids on school trips. The teacher was very nice about it, said how often it was the working parents who struggled with these things - I think maybe she was just being kind.

I spend nearly all my time with this stuff on my mind from the minute I get up to when I finally fall asleep.

Yes, sometimes I think that if I just met with some kind of accident then the insurance fairy would come and wipe it all away but I know that my kids love me and that in her own crazy way, my wife loves me still and I wouldn't do that to them - I dismiss those thoughts. Though the guy with the kayak, his idea sometimes seems worth thinking about.

What I know is that unless things do change, I will never get out of debt. Once the kids are grown up I'll sell the house (Hopefully the doom mongers will be wrong and there will still be equity in the house) and pay everyone back, then become a traveller or take up my plan to live in a static caravan. Still 5 years to go till the youngest is 18 - no guarantees they will be able to move on though.

Thanks for the positive and caring comments

Sparklyfairy

Norfolk Jim - firstly (((HUGS))). I'm really glad you were open with your feelings but Please Please PLEASE don't ever feel like throwing it all away because of money - it's so not worth it! Neither is spending time in prison! You are in very good company here & I can completely understand where you're coming from & I have seen those dark days....please don't ever be tempted! It's only money at the end of the day & although those days may seem long, they will soon pass. Get everyone on board in the family to be MSE's & take EACH DAY AT A TIME. Really. You & your family are worth more than those feelings. Please post more to keep us updated, ok? You're doing the right thing. xx

Ames

Hi Jim, I've just read back through a couple of your old threads to refresh my memory. Has Mrs.Jim applied for any benefits? It could take a big strain off you, she'd have her own money to spend on her obsessions and that would be it. Also, could you get her to her GP to see if she needs her meds changing? I have anxiety disorder and my meds are regularly reviewed to see if they need upping, or if I need to take more of the 'as and when' lot.

I've had quite a devious thought, not sure it would be fair to do it though. Could you change the pin numbers to her cards in an atm? Then when it swallows the card when she gets it run you can say it's because the money's run out. Then she'll have to face up to it all and get help, whether it's medical or financial.

Hugs though, I have several mental health problems and ss and the NHS have been useless. I know how hard it is to get help when you're screaming from the rooftops that you need it, when someone's reluctant then it must be even worse.

Another thought, with all the things she acquires would any of them make xmas presents? You mentioned she bought 9 hoovers, it might not seem glamourous enough for a present but I'm sure people would love to get practical things.

Percy1983

Just remember its only money... at worse you go bankrupt but they can never take you soul unless you give it up.

Try and stay postive, think of the good things in life.

barbiedoll

Jim...
Yes, us workers do know exactly how you feel, we're on a treadmill, working our fingers to the bone and yet we still seem to be no better off.

I haven't read through your previous threads, but I'm guessing that your wife has some kind of compulsive spending disorder? (9 hoovers?)
Just remember that you cannot be her keeper, all that you can do is try to take some control of the finances. As another poster said, change the pin numbers of the cards if you have to, get a bank account opened that she cannot access and don't let her have any money if she cannot be trusted. Easier said than done, I know.

With regards to paying off your debts and never having not paid them before, well, we can all look back and say that. What you must remember is that most of your debts will have charged you interest on the money that you have borrowed and they will probably continue to do so. They don't care about you so don't feel bad for them. And you are not trying to avoid your debts, you are just having a hard time at the moment, along with a good many others, myself included. None of the banks are going to flounder just because you are late in paying off what you owe, so stop feeling so guilty.

As for providing for your family, you are there with them, just because you can't afford a school trip, does NOT make you a bad parent. One day, your kids will appreciate just how much you have done for them, even being there is a bonus. A lot of us have never known what it is like to have a Dad at home, even if he is stressed about money. I haven't seen my father since I was ten years old, so there really are worse things than a dad who can't afford a school trip!

I hope you can make some headway with your debts and your problems. As others have said, it's always good to come on here, have a rant and get a bit of sympathy, even from folk who have never met you. As you know, there's usually someone here with a kindly word so don't battle on alone, we're all rooting for you!

anxious_mum

'The teacher was very nice about it, said how often it was the working parents who struggled with these things - I think maybe she was just being kind.'

I know exactly what you mean on that one Jim, its us who work our fingers to the bone who usually get no help at all, and those who don't work seem to get it handed to them.....school trips have always been a nightmare for me, just not enough money to stretch to them, whereas child x from a the family who live on benefits get it all free!

Still, at least you work, you still have your pride! I hope you feel better soon x