Stress - how do you cope with it?

mummy_Jay

I was wondering how you deal with stress?

I've had a rough year so far and my stress levels are being to effect me physically. It's a case of a sit and do something with my DS it helps for a bit but doesn't fix it, we've had a rough 6 months from child care problems (lost a childminder over night due to her losing her OH), had 3 months of hell with childcare but fixed it, but this cause problem at work as boss as he just didn't understand, other problems at work due to bosses SIL doing 6 months work experience in my department (he had an issue with women being engineers not secretaries - made my life hell here, telling lies to my boss and taking credit for my work), got my first BF in 6 yrs who knocked my confidence after severly crisising me as a mum( he's gone but it still gets to me), and the pet rabbit died a month ago. All in all not the best 6 months

So I could do with some ideas to get more of this stress out of my system, I'm a single working mum with no family near by so I am a little limited.

nzmegs

I find that being really organised helps me alot. I work on one room or one cupboard or one drawer and get it really clean and organised. Knowing that I have achieved that one little job makes me feel better about myself.

This may help short term, but you seem to be experiencing long term stress, which as you say will affect your health. Hasve you thought about taking up a sport or regular exercise. Pilates or yoga might calm you down.

Try to put your problems into perspective. How does childcare issues compare to losing your child as an example. Of why does one person at work stress you out when everyone else is great? i am not downp[laying the problems that you have, but it seems that they have joined toghther to become one major issue. try to look at each issue separately and deal with each one alone.

Good luck.

mummy_Jay

nzmegs wrote: »

Try to put your problems into perspective. How does childcare issues compare to losing your child as an example. Of why does one person at work stress you out when everyone else is great? i am not downp[laying the problems that you have, but it seems that they have joined toghther to become one major issue. try to look at each issue separately and deal with each one alone.

Thank you, I think it may be a case of a lot of little problem piling up to really get at me, I do understand that, I need to find a way to cope.

Not having child care is completely different to the lose of a child, I agree. But not having childcare put my job at risk, as did the bosses son's bullying & prejudice, I am a single parent, I don't have an ex paying maintainence so as the sole provider for my family these little problems do worry me.

I know I'm being negative, I'm normally a very positive person but this is one of the things I seem to have lost in the last few months.

I know there are people far worse off, and I do feel silly about moaning about these things, the problems have each got dealt with as best I can but the lasting effect on me physically remains and it's that I need to deal with.

As for taking up sport, sometimes keeping up with a 6 year old & keeping on top of the house work feels like a sport in itself but I take your point and will see if I can find an exercise dvd or something I can do when DS in bed.

jenhug

sometimes life is really hard, and it hekps to say "you know what? This sucks and i'm fed up with it!" Which is what you are doing, and are now ready to change back into the positive person you once were!
when the kids are in bed, try turning off the tv, and putting on some music quietly, and just lie on the sofa and chill. close your eyes, and concentrate on each part of your body, (head, face, neck, shoulders) while taking slow deep breaths. Imagine the stress flowing away with each breath. work down to your toes. It will take a bit of practice, but it will help.

It sounds like your childcare problems are over, so thats good, and something you can cross off your list of stresses. You can try being a bit more vocal with your boss regarding the situation. It may help, i'm not a put up and shut up person when it cfomes to work issues.

System

Not very well if I'm honest.

bes thing that used to help me when stressed was a long soak in the bath. t was my "me time" and i always felt calmer after one.

heretolearn_2

It's hard. I get a lot of stress over past couple of years and when it's really bad it effects me - bad stomach, insomnia, headaches.

The best things I've found are: to go for a fag (not recommended)

Seriously -
I go for a walk every weekend at a country park, rain or shine. I can feel myself unwinding. Just an hour or so makes me feel so much better. This may not work for you - for me it's the combination of exercise and being somewhere I really love and relax in - but there must be something along those lines you can do. I also find swimming very good at getting all those tension knots and aches out of my body.
I try to eat decent food and good nutrition to give my body something beneficial!
That McKenna hypnotist bloke has an 'I can make you sleep' book and tape and I find that helpful.
I try to find a bit of time to do something I enjoy, even if it's work, I've started studying part-time creative writing. Although it's hard to find the time, while I'm working on it I'm totally absorbed and really enjoy it, it's a chance for my brain to get away from the stresses and on to something else. I also feel I'm achieving something so that's a boost generally.
Soaks in the bath are also good.

Sometimes it's worth increasing the 'workload' a bit, but in a positive way (walk, exercise, hobby, bathhour) as even though you start off thinking 'noooooooo I haven't got time', if you MAKE the time, it really helps you feel better and you cope better when you feel a bit refreshed.

clearingout

I think sometimes you have to accept it for what it is and work through it. Being organised helps, making sure you give yourself the odd treat which is within your means (so no over-spending to cause more stress!) and seeking support when you feel things are out of control (which is what you're doing now!). Support comes in many forms - chat with a friend, cuddle from your daughter, sounding off on an internet forum where no one really knows you, seeing a counsellor....at times you may need some, all or none of this support or indeed, find other ways of working it out.

I tend to think that if you know you're stressed, you're in control of it and it's not going to get out of hand. When I was going through my divorce and had a new born baby to deal with, my friend came round for a quick coffee. The house was a total pig sty. I apologised. She laughed at me and said she was glad I'd said something because she'd have been worried if I didn't know it was a mess but the fact that I did know it was a mess somehow seemed to make the fact it was a mess OK! Does that make sense?!

YORKSHIRELASS

Dont feel that you have to be superwoman, accept that its OK to be stressed, angry, upset and downright miserable sometimes. Believe me you are not on your own. I am guessing that as a single mum with a demanding job you dont get much time for yourself and this is so important, you really need a little bit of time every day doing something nice just for you. I let everything get on top of me a few years ago and literally collapsed in a heap. A lot of this was because I just took too much on my shoulders and had set my standards with my job, family and home way too high. You can join me in hoping for a better 2011 because 2010 hasnt been all that great for me either!!

lilac_rainbow

My way probably isn't the best recommended but I go out and have a big blow out :undecided

A shopping day (even if it is window shopping and just a small treat), followed by dinner with a ruddy good friend and lots and lots of wine

patchwork_cat

You are correct in trying to find a strategy of coping and without knowing you I can't say what would help you. I enjoy a good book and try to practice CBT. It might help you to get a CBT book from the library.

I think whilst you have had a seemingly hectic 6 months it might also help to put it into context. Sorry if this seems uncompassionate I don't want to be, but I expected to see that in 6 months you had lost both parents and a child. I am afraid that the stress you have experienced is par for the course. Take time out for yourself and do something that you enjoy,

FatVonD

I was in a comparable situation to this a few years ago (stress at work, DS being bullied at school, selling a flat with problem neighbours and being terrified of losing the sale, etc, etc), it culminated with me walking out of work one afternoon and into my doctor's surgery in tears (no appointment but even the receptionist didn't argue with me )

The doctor explained it to me as that we all have a particular threshold for stress and I'd just reached mine, it might never happen again that those particular set of circumstances should all collide but it had happened then and I needed to remove one of those stresses to get back on an even keel. He signed me off work for a week, I was around more to support my son and during that week contracts were exchanged which lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.

Take some time off work, if you don't feel comfortable being signed off for 'stress' just call in sick with something else and take a couple of days at home on your own (if you're anything like me you probably take all your annual leave in school holidays so rarely have a child-free day.) I agree that getting organised helps, I spent a lot of my time off packing my belongings. I even bought posh boxes because somehow the 'order' made me feel better.

Good luck and move the sleight about your parenting skills to the bottom of your list of things to worry about or better still console yourself with the thought that he's probably some other woman's problem now and you had a lucky escape