How do I discipline a 2.5 year old

welnik

I find it amazing that you can have two children so different. My first child was textbook. She did everything she should, was well behaved, slept well and has never been a problem.

My 2.5 year old has been a different kettle of fish. My main problem with him at the moment is naughty behaviour. He just cannot play nicely with his sister and is forever throwing things at her, hitting her and punching her. I just dont know where this behaviour has come from. If I tell him off, he just laughs. Ive tried the naughty step, he thinks its funny.

Im really at the end of my tether with him. Im not really an advocate of smacking but on a couple of occasions I have lost the plot and slapped his legs. He just laughs at me.

Anyone out there with any good tips?

astonsmummy

Oh yes please! My DS 2 and 4 motnhs has been a nightmare lately, he wacked me in the face in town tody and left a mark, i was so embarrassed, he is a kind natured child, and has always been quite placid, but in the last week or so has been becoming more violent.
My mum thinks he may have picked it up at nursery, i'm not sure.
I rarely take him places as he kicks up such a stink if something doesnt go his way, and i just havent got the energy to batle with him.
I try to ignor him, but when your out its hard as he'll just run off or throw himself on the floor in the doorway of a shop!
I'll admit, i tend to shoout at him a bit and have been trying t stop but i feel like i'm stuck in a rut and find it hard to change, i praise him for the good things alot but it doesnt seem to make a difference.
I went to my friends house yesterday and she suggested going to the park so he wouldnt destroy her house. how embarrassing.
Any tips, greatfully received xx

mishkanorman

My little boys has just turned 3 and i can really sympathise !!


We use the naughty corner, a slight variation on the step which didnt work for us either. Ive found that he drove him crazy not being able to see what was happening. You can also use it in the street or shops anyway where there is something for them to stand against ! Just use exactly the same principle, give warnings etc we now also remove a toy for ten minutes on days when he is hell bent on trouble !!


good luck


mishka

fsdss

thanks for posting this really useful post.

firstly can i just say (without wanting to sound as though i'm preaching), smacking / slapping is a real no no. the way a child will see it is that its ok for me to smack as mum has confirmed it by doing it to me.

a child of 2 is learning by example. they cannot yet communicate their feelings very well and cannot play with other children (play alongside but not with) so how do we tackle the agressive behaviour towards his sibling.? not as easily as it sounds.
try and focus on what they are getting for their behaviour could it be that they are getting a reward for hitting sibling? by reward i mean some attention either good or bad. if you think about it and write the incidents down from start to finish you'll soon see what the reward is.

2 is a difficult age. dealing with incidents that occur can be exhasperating. what you need essentially is to remain calm and focused (as long as your this you'll reduce unwanted behaviour). naughty steps will work if you are determined and focused ignore the laughter and re-place the child on the step when they step off without engaging eye contact or conversation.

every time your son hits your daughter or throws something at her reinforce the naughty step BUT MAKE SURE HE KNOWS WHY HE'S THERE and also make him APOLOGISE after (even if he doesnt know what it means).

lastly over exaggerate praise, i cant emphasise enough how important this is when he is playing nicely. draw it to his attention that you are delighted with him.

its not easy but trust me he's trying your patience when mastered you'll be sailing.

Lyndsay_21

i know this sounds very very stereotypical but i think boys just naturally have it in them to run, and throw and jump (especially in my 2yo's case off of his wardrobe) as i never had the same problems with my daughter she was more of a sit down and play child whereas i find boys naturally tend to want to run around etc more.

Savvy_Sue

I think they also laugh because they don't know how else to react, rather than they just think it's funny, IYSWIM.

Although they may not always understand exactly what we're saying, I do think 2 year olds can understand Not Acceptable, We Don't Do That, We Don't Hurt People, We Don't Break Their Toys. Said slowly and clearly, perhaps a tad louder than the voice normally used, and 'in their face' it may communicate better than a shriek from the other side of the room.

What's the age gap? And are you sure the older sibling isn't doing anything to provoke it - either intentionally or unintentionally? You know, telling the younger child exactly HOW to play, WHERE to put this, no-it-doesn't-go-like-that-it-goes-like-this kind of thing?

Short term, separating them may help a bit ...

Alleycat

astonsmummy wrote:

Oh yes please! My DS 2 and 4 motnhs has been a nightmare lately, he wacked me in the face in town tody and left a mark, i was so embarrassed, he is a kind natured child, and has always been quite placid, but in the last week or so has been becoming more violent.
My mum thinks he may have picked it up at nursery, i'm not sure.
I rarely take him places as he kicks up such a stink if something doesnt go his way, and i just havent got the energy to batle with him.
I try to ignor him, but when your out its hard as he'll just run off or throw himself on the floor in the doorway of a shop!
I'll admit, i tend to shoout at him a bit and have been trying t stop but i feel like i'm stuck in a rut and find it hard to change, i praise him for the good things alot but it doesnt seem to make a difference.
I went to my friends house yesterday and she suggested going to the park so he wouldnt destroy her house. how embarrassing.
Any tips, greatfully received xx

Have you asked nursery how they discipline your son when he misbehaves? It may be that you are both doing different things which could be confusing your son. I know our dd is quite a bit younger (21 months), but when we were told that one afternoon she had been hitting some of the other children, we spoke to the staff and discussed the best method of discipline. She is our first, so we had no experience or idea of what to do for the best. They were really good and basically agreed with how we were doing it, so there is consistency.

In our case, our dd is very headstrong. She can be really viscious when she wants (which is quite a lot at the moment), hitting, biting, scratching. I know a lot of it is frustration because we maybe don't understand what she wants, or that she hasn't learnt that she sometimes needs to wait for stuff, but it is not acceptable. Especially when she is doing it to other toddlers and babies at nursery. We immediately tell her that what she has done is naughty, that she does not hit/bite/pinch mummy/daddy etc and to go and sit in the corner. We put her in the corner if she does not go herself, facing the wall for no more than a minute. She does cry and sometimes throws a paddy, but we try and ignore it. We then go to her, tell her to calm down in a soothing voice and tell her that what she did was wrong and to go and apologise to the victim(!). At first she didn't understand, but it didn't take too long for her to understand about saying sorry. She gives a kiss and a cuddle. She does attack herself quite a bit as well, when she is cross. Pinching her face, its not nice to see. We go to her and tell her to calm down in a soothing voice and to tell us what she wants. As soon as she is calm and tells us, we go get whatever (usually a drink) and say see, I knew you could tell me, aren't you clever. Sort of thing. Usually works anyhow!! How I'm dreading the terrible twos!

funky-footprints

naughty step or time out has never worked with my daughter, my son would be mortified if you ever even looked at it.

What works best with my daughter is to take away something of hers that she loves. take it away for 10 minutes, half an hour, a day etc...all depending on how she has been.
x

astonsmummy

Alleycat wrote:

Have you asked nursery how they discipline your son when he misbehaves? It may be that you are both doing different things which could be confusing your son. I know our dd is quite a bit younger (21 months), but when we were told that one afternoon she had been hitting some of the other children, we spoke to the staff and discussed the best method of discipline. She is our first, so we had no experience or idea of what to do for the best. They were really good and basically agreed with how we were doing it, so there is consistency.

!

I'm gonna have a word witht the nursery manager on monday about it .

Raksha

Naughty steps, time out etc. have their place - but is he doing it to get your attention? Can you try and give him attention when he's actually playing nicely and being 'good'?

kathyd_2

:rotfl: Anyone seen that advert on TV (for a nasal spray, I think!) where son starts screaming in the supermarket 'cos mum won't let him have something and mum ends up throwing herself on the floor and has a 'pretend' tantrum? Brilliant!! Wish I'd had the guts to do something like that when my son was little. That would have cured him, I'm sure. :rotfl: