unmarried & splitting up who gets what?

JollyM

Its not my intension to leave my partner with nothing. Our children come first. My partner did contribute the last three yearsbeing at home with the kids. They are so young and already don't have me around and they idealise me at 'fun time' francky.

Allot of this has been down to financial worries and pressures that I felt was the only person to be concerned about. You all know, living within your means. As the only earner I have found it harder and harder to accept that its ok that generally more is spent than is earned, making saving for the annual bills impossible. All I asked was that she review the account every couple of days and when near the red ask the golden question 'do I really need that?'

Not being able to discuss these matters without them 'blowing' up and being taken as critisim has played its part.

Whilst everyone is hurting including granny's, uncles and aunties etc its generally turned on me. As a dad and a man I guess you could say that I don't wear my heart and emotions on my sleave. I get on with it and hope for a brighter day. Well I know i'm a good dad and my children love me and going through the 'adjustment' phase of not having them about me each day is hard. I have even found this post to be of some relief. My name is mud at my partners parents house however nobody ther has bothered to ask me why or what I think has brought us here. I guess they are just protecting their daughter. However there is no smoke without fire.

I didnt want to appear to be looking at damage limitation but am worried that I would be left with nothing but still expected to keep down my job and live to be able to keep any payments up whilst starting again.

I will go to relate on my own. Whilst I wanted us to go as a couple I hadnt thought about going on my own. I'll make the appointment this week.

I have also booked a 'free' half hour session with a solicitor. it may be premature but it does not hurt to think ahead. Knowledge sheds light on the dark unkown path.

I did want to at least recover my inintial finacial input into the home. I have happy to give the remaining £40k to my partner so she can at least make some kind of start. Its more than likely she will have the children with her.

Still my goal would be to go to relate together, make some time just for us once again, budget for the future and live within our means and rebuild our relationship. I fear that what we had is tittering on
the edge and could go either way. But I live in the near future hope that we can work together and work towards each other again.

The big question is have we grown so far apart that 'the love' has gone.

Regards

M

DUTR

Merry Christmas to the solicitors.

jennifernil

That is really sad. I do hope you can work something out. Best wishes.

ViolaLass

UnderPressure wrote: »

...she may be now classed as your common law partner...

Doubt it, given that there's no such thing (not legally).

OP, I'm a little concerned at your stance that it wouldn't be right for her to be entitled to some of the house equity when you were the only one contributing financially (I hope I've summarised accurately there; I have no wish to put words in your mouth). She was a full-time mother, which means that she made a substantial non-financial contribution. You could think of it as a financial one too, if you were to consider the cost of hiring a nanny/childminder.

There is also the fact that she will need the money in order to have somewhere to live with your children.

For these two reasons, I feel she has a strong moral claim to some of the equity. Legal claims aren't something I can comment on but other here, who know more, have done so.

dawyldthing

i do think with how cohabiting is changing the laws like someone said before it might have an impact. Citizens advice might also be able to help and there a free service that might be able to help you

gordikin

From personal experience...the girl gets the inside of the house and the guy gets the outside!

LilacPixie

Financial pressures are a killer however OP I can sort of see how your partner may have taken any attempt to 'discuss' things as a critisism. You said yourself in your opening post that when you pay all the bills for the house it only leaves £200 PM. Kids are difficult (and expensive) so I really would not be surprised if she took your attempts at 'discussion' to be that you were questioning why she spent x y or z amount on clothes, shoes especially with the comment of ask yourself the question 'Do i really need this'

TBH I lots the plot with my husband last week about kids shoes, 4 year old needed measured feet had grown so it was new wellies and boots and soft indoor shoes for nursery. He asked that very question. Did you NEED to spent X amount... well yes i did because feet grown shoes too small, winter need wellies, nursery has indoor shoes only policy and she needs footwear other than wellies. We are lucky that we have no financial pressures but he really has no idea on what the kids actually need and the basic cost of replacing these things as our children grow. I wonder if you suffer from the same lack of awarness or understanding that she is finding as equally frustratiing as you are finding her perceived lack of attention to money and nessesity.

I hope you can work out your differences because TBH they sound quite minor in thereself but with a major impact on the lives of you all. Maybe you could find a baby sitter and go out together, attempt to rekindle the memory of when you first met, if the love is still there then you can get through anything but it need you to work as a team with compromises on both sides.

Good Luck