Meal Planning Advice Needed

JulieGeorgiana

Maybe I'm a funny onion....

But when I met my husband... he wouldn;t eat or try anything. I told him to eat it or go hungry!

Now he eats anything I put in front of him apart from cucumber!!!

For a man who HATED tomeatoes, muchrooms, carrots, sweetcorn, cauliflower, brocoli and had never tried butternut squash etc etc!

His mum used to make him mince and gravy, while everyone else had spagetti bolognaise!!!

My gran, when she visits, she tried everything I give her. If she doesn't like it, she says so and has a cheese sandwich!

Also with your son, I am harsh... if my son didn;t eat what I gave him... he went hungry!

If he was hungry, he would get it back cold! Or if it's late... he got a banana!

He also eats ANYTHING I give him!

He even trys things he KNOWS he doesn't like in case his tastes buds have changed!

I think you have to give them no choice! Be firm and say, EAT!

misscousinitt

Just a thought...if your kitchen is chaos, is there a way of trying to get your Mum on side to help you sort it out? Appeal to her better nature, ask for her help (parents usually like that).

If you can get the kichen sorted, then maybe your Mum may start cooking for herself a bit more or help you out preparing meals. During the sort out it may get you talking too? and find some common ground on the food front rather than be a logger-heads.

This is just an idea...it could solve two problems in one...ignore me if I'm talking pie in the sky.

Good luck.

A

x

Pitlanepiglet

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

Maybe I'm a funny onion....

But when I met my husband... he wouldn;t eat or try anything. I told him to eat it or go hungry!

Now he eats anything I put in front of him apart from cucumber!!!

For a man who HATED tomeatoes, muchrooms, carrots, sweetcorn, cauliflower, brocoli and had never tried butternut squash etc etc!

His mum used to make him mince and gravy, while everyone else had spagetti bolognaise!!!

My gran, when she visits, she tried everything I give her. If she doesn't like it, she says so and has a cheese sandwich!

......

I think you have to give them no choice! Be firm and say, EAT!

The difficulty is though that it isn't just the food that's the issue it's about how they feel about their situation and telling her mum "eat it or starve" isn't going to help them to deal with the issues.

I'm also of the view that as an adult, I don't appreciate others telling me what I should or shouldn't eat and so I don't expect to be able to do that to another adult, certainly not my parent. Encouragement yes, instruction no (and I have a type 2 diabetic father who doesn't understand his condition at all!)

Long_tall_sally

Again Pitlanepiglet, I agree. I know I have been a bit too soft with my two kids regarding eating of their meals but as my son is type 1 diabetic, he knows full well that I could not say to him, eat it or starve because he has already had his insulin injection before his meal in accordance with the amount that I think he might eat. One of the reasons that I am not looking forward to my mother coming for xmas is that she doesn't understand that my son can eat occasional treats because I can adjust his insulin accordingly.

Sorry, a bit off topic I know.

kochi1

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

Maybe I'm a funny onion....

But when I met my husband... he wouldn;t eat or try anything. I told him to eat it or go hungry!

Now he eats anything I put in front of him apart from cucumber!!!

For a man who HATED tomeatoes, muchrooms, carrots, sweetcorn, cauliflower, brocoli and had never tried butternut squash etc etc!

His mum used to make him mince and gravy, while everyone else had spagetti bolognaise!!!

My gran, when she visits, she tried everything I give her. If she doesn't like it, she says so and has a cheese sandwich!

Also with your son, I am harsh... if my son didn;t eat what I gave him... he went hungry!

If he was hungry, he would get it back cold! Or if it's late... he got a banana!

He also eats ANYTHING I give him!

He even trys things he KNOWS he doesn't like in case his tastes buds have changed!

I think you have to give them no choice! Be firm and say, EAT!

Reminds me of a time where I looked after my 2 young cousins as a teenager, simple things like shepherds pie my aunt would make a version for each child - 1 with sweetcorn and green beans, 1 with sweetcorn only. Was easier to make 1 version and tell them to pick out what they didn't like - they didn't like it because it because mum always make seperate meals - reminded them mum was back in 2 weeks and if they wanted to eat pick out their hates or no fish n chips on friday night - always worked

JulieGeorgiana

Pitlanepiglet wrote: »

The difficulty is though that it isn't just the food that's the issue it's about how they feel about their situation and telling her mum "eat it or starve" isn't going to help them to deal with the issues.

I'm also of the view that as an adult, I don't appreciate others telling me what I should or shouldn't eat and so I don't expect to be able to do that to another adult, certainly not my parent. Encouragement yes, instruction no (and I have a type 2 diabetic father who doesn't understand his condition at all!)

I agree I may be a rather heavy handed person. It doesn't always serve me well. My last comment was in regards to the children... you managed to skip that part out in your quote and went right from me talking about adults to my last line.

Children should not be given the choice!

However, as an adult I think poking at your food and complaining about someone's cooking is just downright rude!

I am more diplomatic with adults... my grandmother would look at my food and turn her nose at it. I explained to her that my son took her lead when she did this, and I put my heart into cooking it for her, and she could do me the favour of trying it.

If she didn't like it I had cheese sandwiches on standby! She now eats most of my food. But we can say she hates stirfry.

As for my Husband, his mothers mollycoddling is why he never tried anything... and hated everything.

My attitude was he should be grateful I cooked for him. I told him I didn't have money to cook two meals when he came over. When he moved in I still couldn't (or wanted to cook two meals)! As he loved me and wanted to spend time with me, he either took me out for dinner, or ate what I made him!

At first I blended tomatoes to hide them in the food... now I just put them in and he eats it! He had a Curry with 7 types of veg, tomatoes and lentils 2 days ago...! This from a man who only ate peas!!

4 years later and his attitude to food has changed drastically!

Anyway, I just feel like this woman's mother is being ungrateful and rude. She should be thankful that she has food provided for her, and a roof over her head. And considering money is tight for her daughter she should be even more thankful!

I am very straight talking, as I said it get's me into trouble sometimes, but on the whole people know where they stand, and they always have the option of a cheese sandwich!

kochi1 wrote: »

Reminds me of a time where I looked after my 2 young cousins as a teenager, simple things like shepherds pie my aunt would make a version for each child - 1 with sweetcorn and green beans, 1 with sweetcorn only. Was easier to make 1 version and tell them to pick out what they didn't like - they didn't like it because it because mum always make seperate meals - reminded them mum was back in 2 weeks and if they wanted to eat pick out their hates or no fish n chips on friday night - always worked

My son has a friend like this!

I would cook lovely meals for him and he would turn his nose up at them because they were not like his mum's!

He was so RUDE! He just said 'I don't like that, it looks horrible'

I told him that if he didn't try his food and at least see if he liked it, then he could sit in the naughty corner, just like my son would if he was rude.

Funny thing... he ate ALL of it and asked for seconds!!

Ps. I told his mum what I did, and she said too right I should treat him like I would my own son. She was sorry he was rude, but pleased I didn't let him get away with it.

valk_scot

I would put her in charge of the kitchen full time then. Yes, you don't like what she makes but you could lump it for a while, no? That's what you're asking her to do after all and presumably you did it as a child and ate what she made. (Or did you???) It would set your son a good example too as to eating what's on the plate in front of him. And it might get your kitchen cleaned up and put your mum in a better frame of mind if she had some more control over her life, no?

Yup, I can hear what you're thinking from here......"NO BLOOOMIN' WAY!" But seriously, think what you're asking your mother. She's an adult, she's developed her own tastes and preferences. She's not a three year old but it seems to me that you're trying to treat her that way. If she's contributing to the household budget (and she should be, even if you do want her to save) then it's not going to kill you to make both cheese sauce and tomatoes along with the core dish. And you could offer your son a taste of both, eh? Tomatoes would be healthier anyway tbh!

Practical suggestions? I've got three folk here (husband, teenage son, 9 year old daughter) and they'd like to be fussier, belive me. I won't cook four different meals of course but what I do make a point of doing is if there's three things on the plate, everyone should be able to eat two of them even if it's not the same three. On very rare occassions, for instance if I've got a great whoopsie but one person doesn't like that at all, I will make a seperate meal but it will be something uber simple and cheap like an omelette and salad. If we're having a hated veg I put it in a serving dish or on side plates so that it doesn't get wasted pushing it round a plate and the rest of us can eat it. This way I'm acknowledging their differing tastes and giving them a choice but not going to any great effort or expense to do so either. There is always bread and butter, cereal, salad, fruit and peanut butter availible. If the person really doesn't want to eat the meal they get to eat the above instead. But that gets pretty boring after a while.

Sounds like your mother is getting frustrated too at the general situation actually. Time to sit down and have a serious chat I think. But don't focus just on the food, eh? That's just a symptom.

Pitlanepiglet

valk_scot wrote: »

Yup, I can hear what you're thinking from here......"NO BLOOOMIN' WAY!" But seriously, think what you're asking your mother. She's an adult, she's developed her own tastes and preferences. She's not a three year old but it seems to me that you're trying to treat her that way.

:T


There is a huge difference between pandering to the whims of those who are unreasonable and respecting someone's likes and preferences.

Those people who are just rude difficult with regard to their food choices (ie the poking and prodding and making rude comments about food) are very different to those who just have different tastes and likes to your own.

I'm lucky with my Dad that whilst we have to have an eye to his diabetes (type 2), he eats anything and everything - a wartime baby in a large family that lost its father early on. However M-i-L dislikes anything that she regards as spicy so when she's with us either we all get something that isn't spicy or there is an option of two dishes so she doesn't feel that she's being "a pain" (her words!) and if she lived with us it would be the same. I really don't feel that I have the right to force my tastes on another adult and I know how much would hate to have someone else's tastes imposed on me.

Anyway as said, the OP has my huge sympathy, sharing your home, as an adult, with an ageing parent is not easy and it is easy for matters such as food to become a battleground. Your mum is "rootless" for the time being, presumably having been in control of her own life for some many years. You're having to deal with her and your young son whilst dealing with the chaos in your own life that you describe. It's really tough and I admire the fact that you've taken your Mum in and that you're there for her x

canspendnomore

I totally agree that this is symptomatic of the other issues of us both losing our independence. We've both found it very difficult adjusting to the fact that we now live together. She because she's lost her independence and mine because when I didn't live with her I was a grown up in my own right and now I'm being bossed around again like a teenager. Hopefully things will improve when she gets her own place.

Cooking separate meals is not really an option, I have offered, but she wont have me cooking even an omelette only for her. I quite like the idea of cooking extra veggies that we could all choose from, but I'm not sure she'd be happy with me doing that. She's a very dominant character and wants things done her way. Not always room for discussion or compromise. But I guess she's not going to change now at her time of life!!

I might try and make a list of all the meals that we agree on and just cook those - might get a tad boring for me, but better than the current situation. Must get my brother to feed her more often, she's a lot less fussy, bossy, dominant etc round his house!!!

I'm lucky with my son though, although he is going through a stage of being unwilling to try new things (he says it's boring!!!) he will bite my hand off for peppers. Will eat most vegetables, pulses and beans. He'll actually ask for a pepper to eat like an apple as we walk round the supermarket!!

I make very little fuss over what he doesn't eat as I don't want him to have a bad relationship with food, but just continue to include a little bit of everything whether it's boring or not on his plate and figure he'll try it again when he's ready.

I'm very grateful for all your comments and advice.

For those of you in similar situations, taking a deep breath helps .... sometimes?!?!?

canspendnomore

Pitlanepiglet wrote: »

:T
Anyway as said, the OP has my huge sympathy, sharing your home, as an adult, with an ageing parent is not easy and it is easy for matters such as food to become a battleground. Your mum is "rootless" for the time being, presumably having been in control of her own life for some many years. You're having to deal with her and your young son whilst dealing with the chaos in your own life that you describe. It's really tough and I admire the fact that you've taken your Mum in and that you're there for her x

I think you've hit the nail on the head really. When we first moved here she moaned constantly about not liking my cutlery, crockery, kitchen - well in fact everything of mine; everything of hers is packed in box. I realise she's finding it difficult and I guess so does she that's why she's making more effort to move on and I'm making more effort to ignore her comments. As I've said she's very bossy and critical usually, but it is much worse at the moment, which in turn knocks my confidence and motivation.

Hopefully things will improve if I just stop trying to cook meals that she doesn't like and I'll either eat them when I make my brother have her for dinner or when she finally moves.

Thanks for your support and kind words.