Is it worth going to the CSA?

rhodod

Its clear to see who the fathers are in these posts.

Speedstar,

Your advice sounds well on paper, however its not always the case.

Im a step father to a little 7 year old boy, his father left his mother when he was 1 year old, he takes him away very 2nd weekend for the weekend.

His father has never paid a single penny to his mother and always manages to avoid the csa, even though he does 2-3 holidays a year, drives nice cars etc.

I have been with her for 4 years, i stayed out of the picture for a long long time, nothing get better, infact it got worse, he made threat after threat after threat, until i said enough is enough and put my foot down.

We are going through the courts as we speak because it has gone on for to long.

Parents who do not pay for their children are a disgrace, if i was to seperate from my wife the first thing on my priority list is to make sure my kids have everything they need.

surreybased

Hi,

FTBaby has made my point - if care is 50/50 then surely the dad doesn't need to contribute over and above nursery costs?
I'm assuming the mum has the Child benefit - which I assume is being used for clothes & shoes?

The most difficult thing you can do is be fair and reasonable to your ex but its essential for the children. Parents tend to treat their ex's (parents of the children) worse than they do any other family member. A test - would you treat a request from the grandparents for clothes in the same way?
Separated parents always seem to fall out about finances but in reality what does it matter? if the dad is 'getting' away with spending less on his children then it's his loss - the kids will realise it when they get older, no one will need to tell them. Trust that what you put into children and the sacrifices you make will be rewarded in the long term. If a child has a good relationship with mum & dad and step parents then you should be reflecting on how much of a success this is. You can't measure that with money.
My BIL grew up with parents who argued (& tried to win) constantly over ever parenting issue - it has blighted his life. This is the reality for children so parents have a choice to make.
A quote I once heard - "Do you want to be right or fix the problem"

If finances are a constant issue then maybe the parents could sit down and work out actual costs for raising the children - childcare, school lunches, school uniforms, activities..then split the costs once child benefit has been accounted for.
Good Luck - I know from experience it's not easy but it is possible and your step children will thank you when they are older