Is it worth going to the CSA?

speedster

pink_princess wrote: »

Is it really worth all this ? Just give him the clothes ,why do people like to make things hard .

pretty sure there's a whole lot more to it than a few clothes. basically, the OP's attitude to the father is the reason that problems are arising.

whether it's clothes, toys, costs, money whatever. the fact he is poking his nose in is always gonna get the NRP's heckles up and create friction. (i should know)

the sooner he butts out and leaves the PARENTS to it, the quicker his problems will go away.

shell_542

speedster wrote: »

that's where you're wrong. stepmother or stepfather makes no difference.

my wife does not get involved in matters regarding my daughter. she supports me, but afaic, it's my daughter with my ex and it is up to us to deal with it. i wouldn't dream of letting my wife get involved.

like i posted earlier, my ex does not have the same attitude. fortunately, the judge agreed with me on that one.

I wasn't referring to yourself Speedster, I was talking in general. I can never remember seeing (online) a step-mother's enquiries into gaining PR when the Mother was still very much involved in the child's life, be met with offers of information and no questioning of WHY they NEED parentL responsibility. It's normally met with the same kind of response you gave Speedster. I was quite shocked to see a response giving in-depth info on how the OP should go about it, even if the father refused to cooperate.

yimmin

Thanks for the reposnses there, I'm sorry if I've rubbed anyone up the wrong way but all I'm trying to do is get advice on behalf of my partner on how she can stop her ex from getting away with not making a reasonable contribution towards the up bringing of his children as at the moment this is going to affect the things she is able to do with the kids due to the extra financial loss with the ex deciding he doesn't want to pay anymore.
If he couldn't afford it she wouldn't have an issue it's the fact that he's lying to cover up money he has.

Speedster I understand that this topic may get you wound up but you don't know the facts, He is not fighting for contact, in fact he's got 50/50 custody and that is something that all of us agree on! It went to court over a holiday that my partner was not happy with the kids going on.

With regards to the parental responsability I was not looking at taking anything away from the father it was more a case of getting something that helps me out with my work. I have had to take several unpaid days or holidays to look after the kids or pick them up as work do not see me as having any family commitments. I was just wondering if there was anything that I could look into about this.

gratefulforhelp_2

I shouldn't worry, whatever you post on this board will get an extreme response form SOMEONE!

speedster

yimmin wrote: »

Thanks for the reposnses there, I'm sorry if I've rubbed anyone up the wrong way but all I'm trying to do is get advice on behalf of my partner on how she can stop her ex from getting away with not making a reasonable contribution towards the up bringing of his children as at the moment this is going to affect the things she is able to do with the kids due to the extra financial loss with the ex deciding he doesn't want to pay anymore.
If he couldn't afford it she wouldn't have an issue it's the fact that he's lying to cover up money he has.

Speedster I understand that this topic may get you wound up but you don't know the facts, He is not fighting for contact, in fact he's got 50/50 custody and that is something that all of us agree on! It went to court over a holiday that my partner was not happy with the kids going on.

With regards to the parental responsability I was not looking at taking anything away from the father it was more a case of getting something that helps me out with my work. I have had to take several unpaid days or holidays to look after the kids or pick them up as work do not see me as having any family commitments. I was just wondering if there was anything that I could look into about this.

i appreciate what you are saying, but your attitude to the bigger picture is where the crutch of the problem lies.

like it or not, your mere presence (let alone ANY involvement) will antagonise the situation.

i have the exact same and the exact opposite too. my ex's fella tried it on. my ex tried using him as her pawn in her game, and he was a dumb, willing participant. right up untill the judge threatened to haul him in!!)

then, on the opposite side, there is my wife. her presence enflames my ex no end, which is why my wife keeps totally out of it and lets me deal with the witch. it's easier without my mrs poking her hooter in and we like and prefer it that way!

seriously, the best thing you can do is stay in the background and support your partner totally from behind the scenes. then you'll find that the fathers heckles will subside and the little gripes will get sorted a whole lot easier.

i'm afraid that yours (and my wifes) roles are a bit like the SAS. you play a very important role, but you will never recieve the recognition you deserve.

missbunbury

If he's a taxi driver, I can practically guarantee the CSA will calculate £5pw and there will be nothing you can do about it - taxi drivers don't do dividends, they just do cash-in-hand which is impossible for you to prove with a variation. HMRC are the ones who could investigate, but they are unlikely to do much about it if I am honest.

yimmin

Is there any way to encourage HMRC to investigate his income?

CSA_Help

yimmin wrote: »

Is there any way to encourage HMRC to investigate his income?

No

Not as if he is a big fish. Wouldnt be cost effective for them to investigate

lynn45

I wouldn't go to the csa, it causes more distress. If I were you, I'd allow things a little time & space to settle down & then talk together, just the two of you. If there's still some bad feeling, & you feel you couldn't do this, what about writing a letter. just my thoughts

FBaby

I'm confused, if he has his children 50% of the time, why should he be paying anything at all? How much do the £50 a week contributes towards childcare? 50%? If that is the case, then, assuming your partner receives CB and tax credits if applicable, it seems like she is getting a good deal.

In regards to the involvement of step-parents in decision, I agree that in theory, they shouldn't be involved in decisions in regarding the children, however, when a step-parent is contributing financially when the nrp isn't, that makes matters a bit different. My partner is contributing a lot more financially towards my children than their dad who doesn't give a penny in maintenance. I am likely to be made redundant soon and my partner will have to take over supporting the three of us until I find another job. He doesn't get involved in decisions regarding the kids at the moment, but considering he involvement in supporting them, I do believe it does give him the right to express his views on some matters.