Should Boyfriend move in?

Violetta_2

Sorry to be blunt but I'd be more concerned with how another man moving in would affect your daughter than your bank balance.

Ex-Spendaholic

If your boyfriend moves in you'll have combined salaries of £51k plus child benefit plus maintenance. Do you really have to worry about losing tax credits? Surely the rent he is paying elsewhere and associated living costs will not be there any more either so you'll both be quids in.

74jax

Violetta wrote: »

Sorry to be blunt but I'd be more concerned with how another man moving in would affect your daughter than your bank balance.

100% agree, I was reading the thread and that is what jumped out at me.

I think before he moves in (and it sounds like he already has, he's just staying at his place a night or so a week) you need to discuss that if he moves in with YOU then he moves in with YOUR DAUGHTER too. No matter how you put it, he will be figure in your daughter's life.

Does he really want to move in and not contribute in anyway to the most important part of your life?

Yes you ex will always have to pay csa, but whoever shares your live and that of your daughters ultimately has to pay a price too. In return he gets that you are allowing him to share your family, he's not taking over the role of the dad, he's entering tha family as an extra relation. I'm not sure this is what you're expecting or indeed that he thinks.

How will you split food? you pay for your daughter's and he doesn't? what about days out, does he pay you in somewhere but you pay for your daughter?

Can you see yourself with him in 1 year's time? Not living together as you want to keep your benefits? If you see yourselves moving in because you both want to live together with your daughter as a family then do it now.

Bloomin_Freezing2

Agree with Ex-Spendaholic, if you earn 25k and your boyfriend is on 26 why worry about tax credits?!?! It won't affect your child benefit or maintenance.

I think if your boyfriend is also staying over most nights then watch out for a knock from the benefit fraud people. Isn't the rule you are only allowed a partner over 3 nights per week?

Sorry, but if I was in your position and loved someone and wanted to live with them (you actually already do) my happiness would be more important than money, esp on your combined wages.

SandC

Have to agree with the others, you will have a very healthy household income indeed, then maintenance from your ex on top of that.

My worry would be the long term future. You can't have been with this new guy very long and I think for all concerned (but especially your daughter) you take the moving in slowly. You must have some concerns - not once have you mentioned living together would be cheaper than living apart, which is what most couples think about.

Be careful you have not been overpaid in tax credits this year - if you are still getting right now what you got last year when you were earning vastly less then you owe them money when it's reassessed!

southoftheriver

I was assuming that she had already considered the welfare of ther faughter hence was simply here to ask about the bits she was unsure about. A bit patronising to infer that her daughter isn't her priority.

esoralle

southoftheriver wrote: »

I was assuming that she had already considered the welfare of ther faughter hence was simply here to ask about the bits she was unsure about. A bit patronising to infer that her daughter isn't her priority.

Thank you southoftheriver, my daughter is quite happy and settled, my boyfriend has been introduced slowly, he does stay at mine a lot now, but this was not how it is in the begining (late nights / early mornings before daughter was awake, weekends together whilst she was at her dads (1 in 4!), I am not worried about the tax credits and he is quite willing to contribute financially. It is more my daughters father making threats to cut his maintenance if boyfriend moves in, I just wanted to know where I stood on that, personally I would just like to tell the ex to stick his maintenance!!!

esoralle

Violetta wrote: »

Sorry to be blunt but I'd be more concerned with how another man moving in would affect your daughter than your bank balance.

This is moneysaving expert is it not? Not bloody Jeremy Kyle!!!!

Spendless

Your tax credits will go down to the family element next year anyway approx £10 per week due to your income (unless you possibly have help for childcare too-do you?). From next year tax credits won't be paid for any household earning £40k+, so you will stand to lose £10 per week, but instead you will have your boyfriend's income.

You won't lose child benefit when that comes in because neither of you are higher rate tax payers.

I don't know enough about the child support system to be able to say if this will/won't reduce. Do you have a private arrangement with your child's father, or are the payments via CSA?

Are you concerned that your boyfriend won't contribute/share his income with you?

pinkshoes

esoralle wrote: »

I just want to know where I stand, as although I don’t want to abuse the benefits system, I believe I may actually be better of staying as a single parent.

Also, my boyfriends stays at my house pretty much every night, is this classed by the tax credit / maintenance people as ‘living with me’, even if he is registered (driving license / bank et) and paying rent at another address.

I'm quite sure that a boyfriend staying almost every night does indeed classify as living with you... I'm quite sure if it's more than 3 nights a week, then they classify it as living together, so technically, you already are abusing the benefit system.

Either you want to be with this guy and want him to be part of your lives, or you don't. Money shouldn't come into it, as it should be down to the PAIR of you being happy together and working as a unit, not you personally being worse off.