HELP - splitting up, not married but have daughter

Jet

You manage because you have to. I'm a single parent who gets no maintenance but I'm doing far better without the father of the child and the idiot I met after him.

I wouldn't go back to what I had for a million pounds.

Lots of others will tell you the same. At the time of the break ups, I couldn't see the future, but one day you just wake up and realise that life is better and easier on your own.

And not only that, but then you have the opportunity to meet Mr Perfect.

hobo28

jellycat40 wrote:

I think your OH is obliged to keep the roof over your child's head so I don't think it is as easy as you have no claim on the property. Now you have a child I think that has changed a bit. Also if you have kept house for him then you can be declared to have contributed to the property in this way.

She only has a claim if she has financially contributed towards the house. Ie. mortgage/bills. Having a child together changes nothing in property law. That is what my solicitor told me and what my ex's solicitor told her. Luckily for me and the kids, otherwise she'd have had me sell the house which was the only home my kids knew.

jellycat40 wrote:

It is a bit arbitary to say 15% of your partners wages should go to your maintenance, if he is well off he may be able to afford more......

The 15% is what the CSA use. Of course there's nothing to stop them both from agreeing a higher figure. Even lower if OP is not claiming income support. From what I've read tho, I doubt her BF will agree that he is "..able to afford more".

Lu_T

I'm a 27-year old, married, professional mum-to-be and the product of a broken home.

Speaking from experience it is by far the best thing that you split up if your relationship is unhealthy. My parents separated when I was 5 and I had a VERY happy childhood. In my opinion it was far better that my parents were apart and happy, rather than together and miserable. Anyway, both parents re-married and I now have four step-sisters and an extended family who I love very much.

I am a healthy, normal, successful person with no relationship issues as a result of my parents' separation. How they handled access and them being civil to each other in front of us were key to me and my brother not having any 'baggage', so I would urge you to keep any arguments away from your little one. Even if you do have a screaming match, as long as she's not around to witness it, that's absolutely fine.

You have NOT let your daughter down by being in this situation. It sounds to me like you are better off without him, although that doesn't mean that your daughter is, so consider access arrangements carefully.

I would urge you to rally friends for support with your self-esteem - you are a mother - the most important job in the world - and you also work - a great achievement! Don't let your ex control you and make decisions that are in your daughter's best interests.

Good luck - it will all be brighter soon, as many people on this site will testify.

jellycat40

hobo my main point is that he has a duty to provide a roof over the childs head.

Louise

going2die_rich

jellycat40 wrote:

hobo my main point is that he has a duty to provide a roof over the childs head.

Louise

Duty doesn't mean he will. It's a ethical obligation, not a legal one.

15% is the most he'd have to give through the CSA. Even then it depends what kind of work he is in as if he is contracting or self employed their are ways around having high earnings, or making it look like you earn less (perfectly legal ways)

hobo28

jellycat40 wrote:

hobo my main point is that he has a duty to provide a roof over the childs head.

Louise

And he will during the times he has access to the child. He is under no obligations to provide anything other than maintenance for the mother or daughter whilst he is not in charge of daughter.

At the moment, he has teverything stacked in his favour. As Jet quite rightly points out, he has all the money whilst Yummy struggles along doing the best she can. That said, she's not helped herself by managing her own finances badly and at this moment, I doubt he's in any mood to hand over more financial responsibility.

If money is the only issue, perhaps a good idea if a little radical would be to let her BF manage all the money, including hers. He also then pays for the nursery,gym, car, swimming etc. and she gets "pocket money" which she can spend anyway she likes. Reading between the lines though I think the issues run much deeper than just money.

BARGAINHUNTER!

I am in a similar position to you, but luckily I co-own the family house, although weare unmarried. We are seperating, and today I went to see a solicitor for a free half hour chat. Well worth it as i have found out exactly what I am entitled to. Don't delay - make an appointment with the CAB with regards to your debts as they will be able to work something out for you and see a solicitor immediately to see what the situation is - remember - knowledge is power! ((hugs))