Christmas presents for step children

kimmi_b

Could you buy her a games console / board games / outdoor sports toys such as Swingball that she can keep at your house but also not grow out of? Board games would be great as the whole family can enjoy playing them together. I don't know about you but I could never get bored of playing Guess Who or Cluedo, but then again I am a big kid :rotfl:

With regards to the clothes issue, do you go to collect her when she comes to stay? If so, I would make sure she has a suitcase with her before she gets in the car! Shame on your OH ex not making sure her daughter goes away with a clean set of clothes.

FatVonD

newidentity wrote: »

Personalised gifts are a really good idea thanks although they would have to be made to order as her name is not the norm.

Even better!:D

thorsoak

What about buying her a "special" case - which is kept at your house - and which you can fill with her "special" clothes for her visits to you? You will then know that she has clean underwear/nightwear, new toothbrush etc, and suitable clothes for whatever you intend to do when your visits take place at hotels etc - she can arrive in the clothes her mum sends her in, change into your clothes and then go home in the same clothes that she arrived in. In the same way, why not buy her a doll/soft toy/books that go into her suitcase - so that she does have her special things even on a visit!

delain

My ex mil has loads of clothes for my girls at her house. Must admit this is mainly because we have totally different taste in clothes (I find hers a bit odd) and it works well.

They usually bring birthday/xmas presents home with them, unless ex mil has mentioned it's something big in which case I might ask her to keep it at hers (they see her at least once a week, sometimes more).

I would never ever dream of taking their things from them

Oh except a plastic whistle from trick or treat that was still being blown in my face after three warnings, and I felt bad about that even though my ears were still ringing from the whistle 3 hours later

Of course your SD maybe fishing for sympathy, mine has told some awful stories that make me :eek: The key is communication to stop this sort of thing but her mum sounds like a pain.

*Louise*

thorsoak wrote: »

What about buying her a "special" case - which is kept at your house - and which you can fill with her "special" clothes for her visits to you? You will then know that she has clean underwear/nightwear, new toothbrush etc, and suitable clothes for whatever you intend to do when your visits take place at hotels etc - she can arrive in the clothes her mum sends her in, change into your clothes and then go home in the same clothes that she arrived in. In the same way, why not buy her a doll/soft toy/books that go into her suitcase - so that she does have her special things even on a visit!

^^Was just going to say the same thing regarding clothes etc I would also have a small toy box which can be easily transported to hotels as well so she has her own things.

RadoJo

lauren_1 wrote: »

Why is she taking her gifts back home? Stop this straight away.

My ds presents stay at his dads house and the presents from me stay at mine.

Even clothes if they are expensive.

I cannot disagree more with this - if you give a child a present they should get a chance to play with it, and if they really love it then they will want to take it wherever they go. My Dad used to do this to me - buy me a present, but then insist that I couldn't take it to my Mum's meaning that I didn't get to play with it for most of the time, couldn't show it to my school friends or people that visited at my Mum's and ended up feeling as though the presents weren't for my pleasure but a method of controlling me.

thorsoak

RadoJo wrote: »

I cannot disagree more with this - if you give a child a present they should get a chance to play with it, and if they really love it then they will want to take it wherever they go. My Dad used to do this to me - buy me a present, but then insist that I couldn't take it to my Mum's meaning that I didn't get to play with it for most of the time, couldn't show it to my school friends or people that visited at my Mum's and ended up feeling as though the presents weren't for my pleasure but a method of controlling me.

But it is the mother who is taking away the presents that the father gives his daughter and then re-cycles them!

kerri_gt

I think something personalised like a necklace is a lovely idea. That way SD also has something 'special' that she can keep close to her and remind her of her daddy - even though they don't get to see each other that much. She'll prob grow up with great sentimenal attachment to it, whereas toys/clothes she'll grow out of. Of course, this doesn't solve the problem on an ongoing basis and I understand you don't want to rock the boat.

RadoJo

thorsoak wrote: »

But it is the mother who is taking away the presents that the father gives his daughter and then re-cycles them!

Ok, I was talking generally in my post, but in this case:
a) We only have a 7 year old's word for this so she may be confused or have misunderstood the situation
b) If the OP's step children only come to their house once a year, then they may as well not give them presents as the chances are they will grow out of them/lose interest in that time.

I just think that presents for children should be to make them happy, not to exert control over their other parent. I can completely understand that it must be galling to be in the OP's situation, but I also know how it feels from the child's POV and cannot see why a child should be punished because one or both of their parents are trying to make a point.

RoxieW

I know you say you don't see the girl very often. Do you, your OH have a good idea of what she is into? I must admit I have been guilty of recycling gifts some times but only if it is a duplicate gift or something that know they will take out of the box but never play with.
I'd ask the mum for specifics to buy for the girl. I don't see what her problem would be with this as surely it lightens her financial burden? You could buy things that coordinate with what she is buying. For example ds games if she is buying a ds, dolls if she is buying a barbie house, etc. If she really won't say then ask the girl (pr you may know what she has and doesn't have) and make it a biggish pressie such as a games console, tv/DVD player, bike etc. Something that can't be given away and that will be of genuine use. If you buy clothes then take all tags off before handing them over. Maybe even sew a name tag in in the interests of 'being helpful' lol.
Perhaps another idea would be to offer the mother some money and she chose the gifts and say that you will wrap them up and put them for you. I know it takes the joy out of shopping abit but if your OH is anything like mine, then that will be a bonus for him!
If all else fails I would buy a few small gifts and put the rest of the money towards a special holiday/day trip - maybe something like a trip to Alton towers Santa special or something similar? If it's a treat for later on in the year then print her out a gift certificate and put it in a card HTH