Christmas presents for step children

newidentity

Recently, we were told by step daughter that all her presents from last Christmas had been rewrapped given away to her friends on their birthdays. :eek: She also says that her presents that we buy 'get lost'. We cannot be 100% sure if this is true, she is 7. OH does not want to tackle SDs mum about this as he does not want to create waves and afterall, there is nothing we can do about it. We were asked for clothes which we bought (along with toys) but we have never seen any of them. We live a long way from SD (16 hours return drive) a lot of correspondence is on the phone and SDs mum hangs up if things dont go her way and when we do see SD (holidays and weekends when we can), it is easier not to rock the boat, otherwise, OH does not see his daughter.

Anyway, the question to people is this ...

Would it be really bad to write SDs name on the present boxes (in permananet ink) so they cannot be given away (unfortunately, this will prevent her taking them back to the shop if she has duplicates). Or is that being petty? Any other options?

We have thought about giving money instead but cannot be sure where the money goes (OH does put money into the bank acount that he opened).

Thoughts please ....

Kittendreich

Most things for my step-daughter from us and 'our' family stay at our house (clothes being the only exception). She doesn't get to play with them as much, but it means they are always interesting when she does. She has loads of other toys etc at her mum's so it works out well and stops your scenario from happening (with 'doublers' unless it is a very expensive gift that would need to be exchanged then she will take one to each house).

lauren_1

Why is she taking her gifts back home? Stop this straight away.

My ds presents stay at his dads house and the presents from me stay at mine.

Even clothes if they are expensive.

newidentity

In a different situation, we might consider leaving the presents at ours, but since her mum moved, she only actually comes to our house about once a year because of the driving it involves. We stay in hotels etc down where she lives. I don't think it would be fair to leave the presents at ours and for her to only play with them once a year. Unfortunately, it does make it difficult because when she comes to ours, we have to go and buy toys for her to use. The same goes with clothes - she comes in what she has on and we have to buy everything else (nightmare but unless OH wants to go to court for the 4th time, nothing we can do).

red_devil

open an account and savemoney for her.

FatVonD

I'm really hoping that the ex isn't as evil as she sounds, (if she is doing it because of 'issues' than that's dreadful),but is it possible that, due to limited contact, the presents aren't quite what she's 'into' at the moment (my in-laws mean well but their gifts to DS and the stepchildren are often too young for them so end up in the charity shop.) Is it worth asking the ex for a list of suggested presents as she's 'on the spot' and likely to know what she'd love and also what other people are buying her?

Failing that I'd go for personalised gifts, a necklace that spells out her name, pencils with her name on (surname too if needs be etc etc

newidentity

red_devil wrote: »

open an account and savemoney for her.

We do already do that! OH would feel terrible not giving presents to his daughter for xmas though, I don't think its fair either.

newidentity

FatVonD wrote: »

I'm really hoping that the ex isn't as evil as she sounds, (if she is doing it because of 'issues' than that's dreadful),but is it possible that, due to limited contact, the presents aren't quite what she's 'into' at the moment (my in-laws mean well but their gifts to DS and the stepchildren are often too young for them so end up in the charity shop.) Is it worth asking the ex for a list of suggested presents as she's 'on the spot' and likely to know what she'd love and also what other people are buying her?

Failing that I'd go for personalised gifts, a necklace that spells out her name, pencils with her name on (surname too if needs be etc etc

We ask both sd and her mum for ideas every year and we always try and get what she asks for but usually the mum asks for things which are unobtainable and we are unable to get (ie DVDs which are out of stock). Her mum also says she will let us know but never does and everything we suggest, she tells us she already has one or another family member is buying that. I have bought what SD has asked us for but again, I have no idea if she has asked for that from anyone else too (I asked her not to but you never know).
Her mum is terrible but we have got used to it. It has taken 7 years of heartache but now we realise we can only do the best in these circumstances. Court has been helpful but we cannot afford to use if everytime there is a problem.
Personalised gifts are a really good idea thanks although they would have to be made to order as her name is not the norm.

Stressed_mum_2

Try www.gettingpersonal.co.uk. They have a fantastic selection of gifts that can be personalised, including some lovely things for little girls.
You could also get her things that she could start playing with when she is with you, that can't be returned once they have been used - eg arts & crafts things etc. Plus send any other presents back with your SD without the original packaging.
I really feel for you - it must be a very difficult position for you to be in. And your poor SD must feel pretty bad that all the presents her Daddy gets her are given away!

Counting_Pennies_2

https://www.stuckonyou.biz/unitedkingdom/index.asp

How about these labels, designer shape name labels look good
You could put these on the dvd, cd paper display, books, even the present boxes if they are a toy.

http://www.myownlabels.com/holiday_labels/

Or even these so you can put a lovely message on each gift and stick it to the back of the dvd/cd paper wallet?

Princess_Coupon

I would ensure you give her the gifts in person either on her annual visit to you or when you visit her and stay in a hotel even if it means she gets them 2-3 weeks early/late and then you can make sure she takes the packaging off any toys and dvd's and the tags are ripped off any clothes making it very difficult for her mum to take them back.