Some advice re an affair please?

seven-day-weekend

RacyRed wrote: »

Sounds to me as if your affair was a scream for help. It is time your husband was made to listen if he genuinely wants your marriage to work. He will need help to do that, more help than you can give him from the sound of it.

Through all the anger and resentment he is expressing, your husband probably realises deep inside himself that he made you unhappy enough to take refuge in another man's arms. That was the OP's choice. Whilst acknowledging that the marriage may have problems, no one 'made' her sleep with another man. That is why he wants to see you happy all the time now.

He is trying to blame you because he cannot take responsibility for his own actions. He knows he has done something very wrong but probably doesn't conciously know, or accept, what it is or how to change. He is bullying you into accepting the behavior that drove you off the rails in the first place. That will never work and will be very bad for your DD.

And the next time he calls you a !!!!!!, look him straight in the eye and ask him who he thinks did that to you. As above

See my comments in blue above.

I do have sympathy for the OP and hope the marriage can be saved. I also agree that there are issues in both partners that need sorting out. But no-one except the OP made her decision, I think it is trivialising the affair to say it is her husband's fault entirely or that he made her do it.

I don't agree with him calling her a !!!!!! as it is a cruel thing to say but can understand why he does so, he is hurt and angry and wants her to feel as hurt and betrayed as he does. Not a very loving or rational decision, but we are all irrational and unloving when we are hurting.

Until BOTH parties face up to what has happened and BOTH decide that their behaviour needs to change (this may take longer for the injured party), then there can be no moving forward.

I wish them well.