Emotional Blackmail

mum2one

i would say its a sort of emotional blackmail, as if you don't give me the money, I won't pay you back, but the 1st thing that come to mind was if the person has stopped paying ur mum back, then any future money would be unlikely to come back.

Without going through the ins and outs has your mum got any proof that the money was a loan and was being repaid. I know its not the ideal solution, but I think your mum would end up calling the money as a lost.... and sounds like she'll be better off without her. xx

DarkConvict

Thanks for all your comments, I've passed them onto her. There is a nice mix of comments she has liked to hear.

Could she ignore the money loaned, in part yes given she does not have a mortgage and owns out right, but the money lent is boarding on the ~£1000 mark as there were several small loans that have added up, some car repairs to helping with wages when they were late due to wrong bank details.

Is it in writing, in short no, and I've talked to her about it. It was just the odd bit here and there that has over time mounted up to a large figure. There is proof to a point in bank statements to show money owed and text messages that back up the figure in part.

If you read my original MSE posts here, it was this person I was trying to help out of debt and I think they do seriously suffer with money issues. Being BR 3 times I believe they simply cannot handle money, when they had debt wiped off due to BR, and giving over £4000 in redundancy settlements they just go made on the spending.

How friendly is she with this person. They have been unreliable before so this isn't the first time that contact has been stopped, given this person does appear to suffer from depression (money related im sure) they often will stop contact then a few weeks later ignore that anything has happened.

Her opinion on what to do is more in line with the comment by barbiedoll onwards. But she does have sympathy with them, she does not want to make things wore if they do have the intent on paying but "WILL" not let them "GET AWAY" with it. Given she helped with the debts and medical side before she is mostly aware of their budget upto a point, and the surplus amount per month does exist on out figures but i understand with less contact over recent months something could have happened that has eaten up the surplus even creating a deficit.

redpete

I don't understand why it is so important whether or not to put the label 'emotional blackmail' on the friend's behaviour.

It's not a phrase that has any legal meaning so won't make it any easier or more difficult to take legal steps to get the money back. It is unlikely to affect the willingness of the friend to pay the moeny back. It is unlikely to make your mum feel any different about what has happened.

annibee

Had a friend like this once its tough and I feel for your mum trying to help out someone with the goodness of her heart just to be treated like an overdraft again and again.

Unfortunately I would presume this person never intended to pay the money back just like they havent with debts theyve had in the past going br etc.

Tell your mum to forget the money count it as a learning curve and money that is gone now. Dont bother to contact the person again their not worth the phone call.

Next time if she must lend money make sure a receipt is signed by both parties with an agreed timescale in which to buy back (not sure if this will actually have much legal part but it may keep the payer on track)

Sorry I cant offer anything more constructive than this.

Sambucus_Nigra

It would only be emotional blackmail if the resulting threat would give a disadvantage to your mum. However by the sounds of it - your mum would be much better off without this person in her life. So get her to text back 'small price to pay to get rid of you, you thieving leech' and put the kettle on. Problem solved.

Just_Plain_Jane

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

So get her to text back 'small price to pay to get rid of you, you thieving leech' and put the kettle on. Problem solved.

I couldn't agree more.

It sounds like your mum has been drip-feeding this person cash for some time. They have probably got nasty because they rely on it now.

satchmo1

It sounds like the friend will resurface eventually, and start the sob stories again. Just because your mum has no mortgage doesn't oblige her to bail out a habitual spendthrift. If your mum feels compelled to help in the future then can I suggest it is by donating a home-cooked casserole, or some basic groceries, but no cash? That way your mum has helped in a way that doesn't require repayment.

kev.s

Just_Plain_Jane wrote: »

I couldn't agree more.

It sounds like your mum has been drip-feeding this person cash for a some time. They have probably got nasty because they rely on it now.

i too would reply to her, along those lines, your mum would be better off without this "friend" financially and emotionally....

















ps would your mum loan me a tenner?......:rotfl::D

annibee

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

So get her to text back 'small price to pay to get rid of you, you thieving leech' and put the kettle on. Problem solved.

:rotfl::T I love this!!!!:T

bottleofred

Hi DC and welcome back. I hope things are going well at Uni etc. In response to your question, I think your Mothers friend was trying to use the fact they were friends to use her for money before paying the initial loan back. Some people may call this emotional blackmail, I personally think it's a horrible way to behave and the person in question has shown themselves for what they are. You're mother was decent enough to lend her money and she thanks her by behaving in this way. Best to end all communication and put the outstanding money down to experience, as your Mother will be way better off without this person in her life.