Emotional Blackmail

DarkConvict

Hi All, Its been a while but work and uni have started in full swing now.

Question from my mum. I believe I know the answer but she wants feedback from others. This is actually quite long and complex and started before I joined the forums, but ill try and keep it brief.

She loaned some money to a friend who was paying back a small amount per week. After some months there was still money owing, and the friend then asked for more money to be loaned again. She refused and the friend replied with a text message saying ill delete your number and not be in contact again. At this point the monthly repayments were stopped. My mom thinks this is emotional blackmail (so is it?) and some have agreed but she wants to hear from more people, given I do not think its blackmail its simply refusing to pay back money loaned.

Cheers

talana

My mom thinks this is emotional blackmail (so is it?)

Whether it is or it isn't seems a bit of a moot point to me. It doesn't help your mum to get the money repaid either way.
Some "friend" she has there.

WRINKLES

DarkConvict wrote: »

Hi All, Its been a while but work and uni have started in full swing now.

Question from my mum. I believe I know the answer but she wants feedback from others. This is actually quite long and complex and started before I joined the forums, but ill try and keep it brief.

She loaned some money to a friend who was paying back a small amount per week. After some months there was still money owing, and the friend then asked for more money to be loaned again. She refused and the friend replied with a text message saying ill delete your number and not be in contact again. At this point the monthly repayments were stopped. My mom thinks this is emotional blackmail (so is it?) and some have agreed but she wants to hear from more people, given I do not think its blackmail its simply refusing to pay back money loaned.

Cheers

No i wouldnt call it emotional blackmail , in a way its a kind of theft , your mum is better off without this friend , lending money to friends has always been a good way to lose them .

pinkarsenalprincess

I always stick by the rule that you should only 'loan' money to friends or family if you are prepared for the fact that you will probably not get it back.

pennypusher

It is blackmail because 'friend' is saying she won't repay the money she owes unless your mum lends her more. The only problem is your mum will end up 'loaning' the friends more and more and having more owed to her because 'friend' appears not to want to repay it. It could be never ending! Don't let her do it!!

barbiedoll

Hi DC, I wondered where you'd got to!

It's a kind of emotional blackmail; by saying "If you won't lend me more money then we can't be friends" she is obviously aware of the feelings that your mum has for her, she clearly knows which buttons to push, but the crux of the matter is the unpaid debt. Personally, if I was your mum, I'd be sending a snotty letter threatening legal action if the money wasn't repaid forthwith, but then again, it depends how long they've been friends, the amount of money, what it was used for etc etc.

To be honest, if your mum can afford to lose the money then she'd be better off deleting the friend's number herself, completely cutting off all contact and sitting back and waiting for the "friend" to get in touch. Which she will sooner or later, friends like that always do! :mad:

bzz

barbiedoll wrote: »

Personally, if I was your mum, I'd be sending a snotty letter threatening legal action if the money wasn't repaid forthwith, but then again, it depends how long they've been friends, the amount of money, what it was used for etc etc.

This is what I would do. I think this "friend" needs a reality check - your mum isn't going to throw good money after bad. She could phrase the letter in such a way that it makes it clear that, while she values the friendship, she doesn't want to pay for that friendship. Something along the lines of "While I appreciate your current situation, I cannot lend money to someone whom I no longer trust and I would ask that you resume repayment of the previous loan so that the matter stays out of the legal system."

If there's no reply from that, send another letter saying that she's instructing a solicitor.

Ames

I wouldn't call it emotional blackmail, just straightforward normal blackmail - if you don't give me money I'll do x.

sirus21

I would call this emotional black mail. This does not sound like a friend worth having. This is probably a silly question, but does your mum have anything in writing between her and the person who owes her money ?

GeorgeUK

I would call it emotional blackmail.

It's not to do with the stopping of payment. It's 'if you don't lend me more money, i won't be your firend any more'. That person is trying to use the friendship as leverage.

moneysaymoneydo

Do you have a record ie proof a signature that you loaned the money? if so call the police, if no proof as in you trusting her and her being a friend, have nothing more to do with her thats no friend just a skank!