What would you do in my situation?

Oldernotwiser

mumps wrote: »

No. I think the OP and mom deserve to live in a house where they don't have to put up with arguments. By the way if you look at another of the OPs thread you will see the OPs mothers name is on the rent book so your previous reply about how they should behave in grandparents' house isn't really appropriate. Perhaps grandmother should think how the arguing is affecting her grandchild?

How do you know what they deserve - I certainly don't.

If the OP has already had funding from the council to suit her needs then I really don't think that she has the right to expect the council to do this again. Suppose they did and then she fell out with her mother, would she look for a third lot of funding for an adapted flat for her alone?

I have no gripe with the OP but I think that you are encouraging her to be unrealistic and selfish, rather than helping her find ways in which she can improve her existing situation.

mumps

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

How do you know what they deserve - I certainly don't.

If the OP has already had funding from the council to suit her needs then I really don't think that she has the right to expect the council to do this again. Suppose they did and then she fell out with her mother, would she look for a third lot of funding for an adapted flat for her alone?

I have no gripe with the OP but I think that you are encouraging her to be unrealistic and selfish, rather than helping her find ways in which she can improve her existing situation.

Where did I say I know what they deserve?

I don't know when the house was adapted but the OP is only 19 so the work could easily have been done when she was a child i.e. under 18. So because someone decided that adaptations were needed for a child she then has to live in that house for ever?

The OP is living in a 4 bedroomed house which is adapted for a wheelchair user. I think it might be easy to find a new tenant who could benefit from it, it might actually be a really good thing to free up a 4 bedroomed house if it is social housing. Grandparents could then go into a smaller house/flat and so could OP and mother. I think 4 bedroomed houses are particularly scarce so it wouldn't be selfish to give up large house for a needy family.

Good luck OP, I hope you get a great place to live and do let us know. I would be really happy to hear you and you mom had got a place.

formaldehyde_perfume

Living in a house where there are constant arguments that don't involve you most of the time is still really, really horrible. My parents have done it all my life, (and I don't just mean little arguments, it would deteriorate into screaming matches almost every day they were together) and I believe it massively contributed to my mental health issues including severe self harm and an attempt on my life; that also has a knock on affect on my physical health as I turned to comfort eating and have gained a significant amount of weight which is putting pressure on my already weakened joints. Finally they are getting a divorce and we are hoping to move into a new house within the next few weeks.

My point is that unless you have lived in a situation like that you can't possibly imagine what kind of hell it could be, and I don't think it is at all selfish to want to be out of that situation.

OP - I would talk to the council and see what they say, there is no harm in asking as long as you are prepared for a negative response. I don't know if it would help, because each family is different, but I would write each person a letter explaining how you feel and how their arguing is getting to you. Try as hard as you can to bite your tongue when you want to stick up for one side or the other, or even better remove yourself from the situation (although I don't know your physical condition so you may not be able to on your own.. perhaps your granddad could help) and wait until it has calmed down. If you can reach your head then those massive headphones that cover your entire ear are really good for drowning out the noise with music.

Other than that I can't really help, sorry. I hope things get better for you soon though.

Oldernotwiser

mumps wrote: »

Where did I say I know what they deserve?

Perhaps here?
"I think the OP and mom deserve to live in a house where they don't have to put up with arguments."

jewelly

I think anyone deserves to live in a home free of constant arguments, especially as it is causing the poster to feel depressed and miserable. It sounds as if the relationship between the mother and grandmother is not working out and they would all benefit from changing their living arrangements.

mumps

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Perhaps here?
"I think the OP and mom deserve to live in a house where they don't have to put up with arguments."

I think is different to I know or I am sure or I am certain. Have you ever said, "I think it's going to rain so I will get the washing in before I go out." Did you know 100% it was going to rain? Did you ever get it wrong? Did you ever end up with damp washing in the house after a dry day and think, "I wish I had left the washing out to dry?"

From what the OP has said, and only hearing those details nothing from Mom or Grandmother, I think they do. Obviously someone who can meet them, talk to them, assess their situation can make the decision.

There is nothing to be lost in investigating the possibilities and it might even have a positive result in making the other people in the house realise how the OP feels.

mumps

jewelly wrote: »

I think anyone deserves to live in a home free of constant arguments, especially as it is causing the poster to feel depressed and miserable. It sounds as if the relationship between the mother and grandmother is not working out and they would all benefit from changing their living arrangements.

That is exactly how it looks to me.

sunnyone

No one has the right to a place of their own to live or to choose to live in a very nice area unless they are paying for it themselves, everyone else has to take a ticket and see what happens, what happens will vary on where you live and who else wants to live there.

For adaptions I think everything is going to get much harder for everyone with council budget cuts so someone who has adapted housing isnt going to get higher on the list than someone who is living in totally unsuitable housing and we all know that most disabled people have totally unsuitable housing.

NorthernLights_2

dannimaycox wrote: »

Hi, i'm 19 years old and i have a form of muscular dystrophy and need 24/7 care from my mum. We live in a 4/bedroom rented house with my grandparents. The problem is, everybody is ALWAYS arguing. 3 generations living under one roof, you can probably imagine what it's like. It's making me depressed, i'm miserable all the time, it's like walking on egg shells because i never know when they are going to start.

What I would do in your situation is discuss this with my GP or the medical professional you feel closest to, because it may be that they can arrange to discuss this with your family. This is a potential threat to your long-term health and needs to be taken seriously, don't make the mistake I always make of trying to tough things out and hope for the best. Try and get someone else onside, I know families and they get into habit patterns, which they can't see as clearly as anyone else can. Good luck.