Early-retirement wannabe

DairyQueen

Fatbritabroad wrote: »

in fact as you may recall dairy Queen I've tried to help my mum on numerous occasions with her finances to no avail.

Indeed I do recall the difficulties you face dealing with your stubborn parent

Fatbritabroad wrote: »

if people won't help themselves it's not very fair to then expect others to pick up the tab. I'd have to be very cold though to have her lose her home though not quite sure that's in me to do tbh.

Ive also suggested she sell the house and live off the proceeds if she wants more income but she doesn't want to hence really why I say I'll probably inherit it. I don't want or need it I'd much rather she uses it herself

Not fair at all and taking responsibility applies across generations. If your mother refuses to behave responsibly then staying in her home shouldn't be an option available at your expense when the nasty stuff hits the fan. Tough love applies equally to irresponsible parents as irresponsible children. I wonder how quickly she would shape up if you took away the safety net?

Update on my profligate sibling...

Still spending every penny he can lay his hands-on but has managed to stay out of debt since it was made clear that the family banks were permanently closed (he has rubbish credit so can't borrow).

It took some persuading for parents to put themselves before sibling's future housing and income requirements but eventually it was a straight choice and meeting their own needs won.

Sibling will be facing a serious income shortfall when he retires and his expectation of an inheritance to fund his retirement home will not materialise.

You pays your money and you makes your choice. I and parents have not saved all of our lives to provide a pension plan for my sib. No doubt he has enjoyed spending all of his money. No doubt your mum has done likewise.

You are no more your mother's keeper than I am my brother's.

atush

BucksLady wrote: »

Maybe, but my husband is also a scientist (medical practitioner) and he shares my view on the subject. He isn't oversensitive or emotional:).

Or he is of the Happy Wife Happy Life brigade so agrees with you?

As I said, I take note of it. Dont plan on it. Our 4 parents died before our retirement though.

BucksLady

No atush, he isn't hen-pecked ☺ Guess we just share the same values and are on the same wavelength.

JoeEngland

DairyQueen wrote: »

I agree. I have seen how a potential inheritance can affect decisions and opinions with respect to elderly parents' finances. The worst example being the excuses/dubious reasons some children will use to prevent their (obviously in need) parent entering residential care if such care must be financed by the sale of the parent's home.

Anyone relying/planning their future finances with an eye on inheriting their parents' assets are not unbiased. Their self-interest consciously/unconsciously influences their parents' decisions. Parents are highly sensitive to the needs/desires of their children and will avoid spending their money as they see fit in order to 'keep the peace'. It's a form of emotional blackmail that is subtle but insidious.

We have never planned on receiving any inheritance from either set of parents. Our parents are now in the late stage of life and their care needs have escalated in recent years. All are using their assets to finance good quality care. Such care isn't cheap and we anticipate that they will exhaust/near exhaust their house equity in pursuit of long and happy lives. This is no more/less than we expected, and no more than they deserve, and we have enthusiastically helped them to organise the care they need whether residential or in-home.

We have never received any hand-outs from our parents and we don't expect any when they die.

Financial independence is essential to a productive life and is key to happy family relationships. If you over 30, and care about your parents, then don't burden them with your financial problems or expectations. They worked for it. It's their money. If you want something-for-nothing then play the lottery.

To be fair, the lottery isn't something for nothing since you pay for a chance to win. But agreed that anyone relying on an inheritance for their financial plans may subconsciously not have their parents welfare as a top priority.

JoeEngland

atush wrote: »

maybe you are oversensitive or emotional?

I am a former scientist and would always consider it an outside posibility but would not plan on it. just like I dont plan any of my 3 children for husband to die before i do. I look at probabilities.

As regards my former profession I regard it HIGHLY likely we will have another pandemic int h reasonably near future caused by a virus mutation that allows it to jump to humans from animals to humans.

Whether it's an emotional subject or not, when parents die then someone has to deal with the cold facts of probate and inheritance, and that will usually be the children.

atush

BucksLady wrote: »

No atush, he isn't hen-pecked ☺ Guess we just share the same values and are on the same wavelength.

Don't put words in my mouth!

Big difference between happy wife/happy life which is a choice and henpecked. Going back to my oringinal impression after your accusation,. You are over sensitive

atush

JoeEngland wrote: »

Whether it's an emotional subject or not, when parents die then someone has to deal with the cold facts of probate and inheritance, and that will usually be the children.

I ought to know. Did probate for my mom in D.C. during the 9/11 shutdown and after.

bugslet

FWIW, if you want to take any inheritance into account, do so. I don't see the problem. People die, especially your parents. They may die with less than you imagine if care fees apply or they blow it all in Las Vegas, but most times you can factor inheritance into plans bases on best/worst case scenario.

I was saved from all that by parents dying before I was 30, a few years after I bought the house they lived in due to bankruptcy.

Anonymous101

I don't factor inheritance into my calculations.
I'm not overly emotional about it. Chances are my parents will die before I do. I just think that it is their money and I'd rather them spend it on anything they like... or if the time comes making their lives more comfortable. So there may or may not be anything left when the inevitable happens.

My parents have separated and my older father has commented several times about wanting to leave me and my siblings something. I just reply that I don't need his money, he's worked hard for it and its he that should be enjoying it. Like most parents, over the years they have done more than enough for us. I wouldn't want to put any pressure on either of them to leave us something. If it happens that they do then I'll reassess at that point but I don't see factoring it in as the correct way to approach my own finances.

MrAPJI

atush wrote: »

Don't put words in my mouth!

Big difference between happy wife/happy life which is a choice and henpecked. Going back to my oringinal impression after your accusation,. You are over sensitive

To label another member in such a way isn't kind.