Younger brother has been kicked out of home..

Asianchick

Hello

My 17 year old brother was living with our older brother since August as our only parent passed away.

I was named his legal guardian in the will but he couldnt live with me because I live in rented accomodation and there is no space and he is a troublesome teenager and was so even when our parent was alive.

After a lot of trouble and patience on my older brother's part, he has kicked my younger brother out and TBH, I dont blame him.

I know people may say that it was an evil thing to do but no one can understand how much trouble he has caused. He lies, steals, is rude, doesnt obey rules, is aggressive and disrespectful. He doesnt care who he hurts and doesnt take correction well at all.

Currently he is staying with family friends but that is temporary so I need to find him accomodation.

Does anyone have experience of dealing with this?

I was going to take him to the council housing office and tell them he's been kicked out so they can put him in a hostel or something.

We have tried our best, I promise we have but you can only help those who choose to help themselves.

All punishments and chances have been exhausted. His response to getting caught doing wrong is to get angry with you and then continue to do the same thing. He says that he's an adult and can do what he likes so I think it is time that he sees what it really means to be an adult.

Any ideas?

pinkshoes

Phone Shelter for advice?

Don't feel bad about him being kicked out. If he can't show respect, then why should your older brother put up with him?? Would some councilling help him, as perhaps his behaviour as something to do with losing both his parents by 17?

mountainofdebt

Sorry but if he considers himself to be an adult then I would be tempted to let him deal with his problem......but be ready to be there for him when he realises what an idiot he's been

the_cat

Asianchick wrote: »

Hello


Currently he is staying with family friends but that is temporary so I need to find him accomodation.

We have tried our best, I promise we have but you can only help those who choose to help themselves.

All punishments and chances have been exhausted. His response to getting caught doing wrong is to get angry with you and then continue to do the same thing. He says that he's an adult and can do what he likes so I think it is time that he sees what it really means to be an adult.

Any ideas?

As hard as it will be to do it, I think you should adjust your thoughts from 'I' need to find him accommodation to 'he needs to find himself' if you really feel that he needs to grow up and take adult responsibilities to improve

Good luck

jess1974

no advice but i just wanted to say how sorry i feel for you all, i lost my parents when i was 26 so i sort of know how you feel...

Asianchick

Thanks everyone

Counselling wont help him. Grieve is not his problem, greed and the fact that he was spoilt rotten is.

He has been in boarding school for the past five years as he was getting in trouble over here. He was excluded from school and had been put in one of those special units and dad felt his life was in danger so he took him abroad to school.

I think that my dad felt guilty for this so basically gave him everything he wanted, absolutely anything. He lied and stole from my dad. Was rude at school and was always in trouble. Dad died last year and I have been the one in charge of him for the last year whilst he was finishing his studies.

The things he has done, I cant even say on here. They make me weep.

I cant help feeling bad because i am his guardian and i feel like i have failed.

I havent given up on him and neither has my brother. We will still help him if he has to move into a hostel or with his college work but he just cannot live with us.

He gets his ema of £30 per week and also seems to have much more money to buy new trainers and clothes. I think he is getting this money from ex family friends who he has lied to and told his sob story.

I will call shelter tomorrow.

I have told him that soon he will run out of people who he can use and they will see him for who he really is and then what....

He just doesnt get it.

RAS

Asianchick wrote: »

He gets his ema of £30 per week and also seems to have much more money to buy new trainers and clothes. I think he is getting this money from ex family friends who he has lied to and told his sob story.

Alternatively he is stealing or running naughty substances and earning that way.

joeblack066

Have you considered that he may be dealing in illegal substances to fund his new stuff? If he is also using then this may explain his behaviour. I would doubt that he is any kind of big time dealer, but if he has been using himself he may have got drawn into that world.
There are a lot of organisations that can help, depending where you are. Try Activ8, Barnardo's, or google supported living. Also if you are in the Midlands area you could talk to Lauren's Link in Derby to see if substance abuse is an issue. (They support the families of people involved in substance abuse.).

Asianchick

Trust me, he is not drug dealing. lol

He doesnt have enough sense for that and is way too lazy. My dad's friends have been giving him money. He is very good at manipulating people. He is probably stealing as well. Who knows. Whatever he's doing, if it is wrong, it will soon catch up to him.

He isnt using, he is just really rude and disrespectful. Trust me.

DVardysShadow

Asianchick wrote: »

Thanks everyone

Counselling wont help him. Grieve is not his problem, greed and the fact that he was spoilt rotten is.

He has been in boarding school for the past five years as he was getting in trouble over here. He was excluded from school and had been put in one of those special units and dad felt his life was in danger so he took him abroad to school.

I think that my dad felt guilty for this so basically gave him everything he wanted, absolutely anything. He lied and stole from my dad. Was rude at school and was always in trouble. Dad died last year and I have been the one in charge of him for the last year whilst he was finishing his studies.

The things he has done, I cant even say on here. They make me weep.

I cant help feeling bad because i am his guardian and i feel like i have failed.

I havent given up on him and neither has my brother. We will still help him if he has to move into a hostel or with his college work but he just cannot live with us.

He gets his ema of £30 per week and also seems to have much more money to buy new trainers and clothes. I think he is getting this money from ex family friends who he has lied to and told his sob story.

I will call shelter tomorrow.

I have told him that soon he will run out of people who he can use and they will see him for who he really is and then what....

He just doesnt get it.

You have not failed. You have taken on a very difficult situation, which is not of your making. Everything you are telling us shows that you are doing it right as far as you are able and you are still intent on doing right by your brother.

It is right to want to do everything you can, but you must not think that you have failed - your family can be proud of you.

McKneff

He's angry, with you, with any of your other siblings, but most of all with your parents. They died and left him and that for a 17 year old
bairn that's a lot to come to terms with, it may take a few years but he wll come through it.

I never had a moments bother with mine but one of my grandsons could have been your brothers twin. Exactly the same, but we stood by him, even his mother gave up on him, he went into foster care, still kicked off but still the foster parents and us stood by him,
Now 5 years later, he is a landscape gardener, grafts like a miner, loves his job.

This child, because thats wht he is just needs to know that people care for him, he's pushing the boundaries so he can see how much.

You'll get there, eventually.