Younger brother has been kicked out of home..

RAS

Asianchick wrote: »

Basically some family members are stirring and saying that when he's 18 they are going to say I got loads of money for him and spent it and are going to help him go to take me to court.

Ok. I suggest you, older brother, these relatives and horror meet, preferebly with a witness or two (maybe a solicitor).

raise this question with the relatives.

Offer to give them the guardianship and the accounts to deal with.

After the meeting write to them and ask the relative and horror what their decision is. They have two weeks to put up or shut up.

Asianchick

RAS wrote: »

Ok. I suggest you, older brother, these relatives and horror meet, preferebly with a witness or two (maybe a solicitor).

raise this question with the relatives.

Offer to give them the guardianship and the accounts to deal with.

After the meeting write to them and ask the relative and horror what their decision is. They have two weeks to put up or shut up.

I dont want to give them guardianship. They are just after his money. I wish he could see how much I love him. How much this is breaking my heart.

I think they are just trying to scare me. I just want to say to them "if you think that I have, you should prove it". As far as I'm concerned, Any money I have spent has been fo rhim or on him so what's the problem?

Also, I dont think you can just give over guardianship. I was appointed the legal guardian and my dad's friend has been appointed if I say No.

Caroline_a

I've done a bit of Googling about this, as I'm sure you have. One of the best sites seems to be here: http://www.expertlaw.com/library/estate_planning/guardianship.html

However, I think in your situation that your brother should have his fines etc paid out of the money you hold in trust for him. This, after all, is money left by his parents for using for his upkeep, etc, and I see no reason for using it for that. Additionally it could be used to pay a deposit on a flat and rent for him. Now... I'm no solicitor, so I would say that your best bet would be to go and get some proper legal advice - it will be worth it in the long term if anything gets thrown at you in the future.

Mojisola

Asianchick wrote: »

I mean when he turns 18, I plan to give him any money that's left over, if there's any.

At this time, can he question how I spent his money? Can he say why did you use my money to look after me/pay the fine/buy me stuff? You were my "parent" so you should have used your own money and not mine.

Did you get what I mean?

Basically some family members are stirring and saying that when he's 18 they are going to say I got loads of money for him and spent it and are going to help him go to take me to court.

Don't worry about this. You have kept records of the money and can produce those. You don't need to show these round the family - keep them somewhere safe (and copies in another safe place) so you can show them if any legal challenge is made.

You should not be spending your money on looking after him - you are not his parent! The money was specifically left for him and you have used it for him. That's entirely appropriate.

It sounds like an awful time for you and the other family members aren't helping but maybe they are just going on what he has told them. He is trying the emotional blackmail route with you, saying you should be spending your money on him. Don't fall for it. He was obviously causing a lot of trouble before your father's death so don't let people tell you that you need to make allowances for this. You have lost your father too!

Your brother is 17, nearly an adult. He is going to have to do a lot of growing up very soon.

sueeve

Absolutely endorse the need for legal advice. It would make you feel far more secure when the relatives start up again. Even to say that you have been to a solicitor will take the wind from their sails. You are NOT your brother's keeper, no matter what your father's wishes. Indeed I doubt if he would have coped any better.

Britwife

I'm just wondering....were you giving the money to your older brother since he wasn't living with you? I feel that his money should be spent on him for his care but what expenses did you have if he wasn't living with you? If you were paying your older brother then he would have to show where the money was going.

I have to feel for your younger brother, it's very hard to be so young and not have a parent. Have you thought about discussing going to college for something he would like to do? This way, he is making a grown up choice and it may help him having this responsibility. He is so close to being 18 and really needs this guidance now. He's lost a parent and then the one sibling that was to take him him turned him away and now an older sibling has kicked him out. that's what he is going to be thinking. Now is a time for change and talk to him about what he wants to do in life, you are his guardian and are responsible for him like it or not. I know that's harsh but that is reality. The worst thing to do is to put him in the care of others. Find out why he is so angry, ask him if he's not comfortable talking to you then tell him to put it in writing. Let him know you love him so much and want him to be happy but not at the expense of being taking advantage of. Tell him you all need to work together....as a family. You're all you have left and you all need to keep it together.

This is just a stepping stone into rebuilding your family and it will take time but don't give up on him. I know you love him and say you have tried everything but there's always something even if it comes from him.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Seek out whatever help you can get.

Mojisola

Britwife wrote: »

I have to feel for your younger brother, it's very hard to be so young and not have a parent. Have you thought about discussing going to college for something he would like to do? This way, he is making a grown up choice and it may help him having this responsibility. He is so close to being 18 and really needs this guidance now. He's lost a parent and then the one sibling that was to take him him turned him away and now an older sibling has kicked him out. that's what he is going to be thinking. Now is a time for change and talk to him about what he wants to do in life, you are his guardian and are responsible for him like it or not. I know that's harsh but that is reality. The worst thing to do is to put him in the care of others. Find out why he is so angry, ask him if he's not comfortable talking to you then tell him to put it in writing. Let him know you love him so much and want him to be happy but not at the expense of being taking advantage of. Tell him you all need to work together....as a family. You're all you have left and you all need to keep it together.

Britwife - did you read this post by Asianchick?

"Counselling wont help him. Grieve is not his problem, greed and the fact that he was spoilt rotten is.

He has been in boarding school for the past five years as he was getting in trouble over here. He was excluded from school and had been put in one of those special units and dad felt his life was in danger so he took him abroad to school.

I think that my dad felt guilty for this so basically gave him everything he wanted, absolutely anything. He lied and stole from my dad. Was rude at school and was always in trouble. Dad died last year and I have been the one in charge of him for the last year whilst he was finishing his studies.

The things he has done, I cant even say on here. They make me weep.

I cant help feeling bad because i am his guardian and i feel like i have failed.

I havent given up on him and neither has my brother. We will still help him if he has to move into a hostel or with his college work but he just cannot live with us."

It's very unfair to heap blame on this 17 year old tearaway's siblings when their father was unable to control him!

Britwife

I did read her post and if you read my post you would see that I didn't say he needed counselling nor did I suggest it. When I talk about him losing his parents, it will add to any problems he already had. Don't see where I wrote those were the root of his problems, just current issues.

Unfortunately, the care of this young man falls onto his siblings, that can't be changed and his problems need to be addressed. Doesn't mean he will change but at the same time you can't give up. What I wrote is based on the original post. He was passed from one sibling to another and now out of his home. I know it's frustrating but this is family and he is young.

Also, don't see any blame being put on anybody, just reality of the situation. I don't think his siblings failed him but all this is heaped on them and they all need help. I feel for the family and do see it from both sides. But the siblings must also walk in his shoes.

Counting_Pennies_2

http://www.military-school.org/blog/index.php/category/military-school-for-troubled-teens/

Have you thought about military school for him?

I know it sounds harsh, but my understanding is they do help troubled teens, and offer the counselling help at the same time.

RAS

Asianchick wrote: »

Also, we received some money from dad's pension and because he was under 18 and I am his legal guardian, they gave it to me. I opened a bank account with me as trustee and put it in there. The money has been used to give him pocket money and pay for anything he needs as I cant afford. Is that okay? I have kept a record of everything I have bought and use my bank to transfer money to his so I can prove I didnt misuse the money.

Can we clarify this please?

Was this an in-service death grant? if so, did you father nominate a recipient(s)?

If not is it a dependent's pension allowance?

In your father will, you werre listed as guardian to you father, who did he leave is estate to? Your brother or siblings jointly or others?

Who were the residual beneficiaries?

Who was the executor? Has probate been granted?