Could do with some advice please.

Primrose

We have an alcoholic in our wider family and I have learned that you cannot get them to change or start making any improvements in their habits unless or until they can admit that they have a problem. Even then, it's is incredibly difficult for them to try and live without the only crutch which seems to make life seem bearable for them.

This issue is obviously making your sick with worry and the time has perhaps now come for you to confront her with other members of her family present if she is rebuffing you and just trying to evade the issue.

Make her understand that if she is incapable of looking after the children because she is drunk, Social Services could be called in and the children taken into care if you are working all day and unable to look after them. Explain the impact and anxiety that her behaviour is having on you and her mother. Insist that she sees a doctor. Make the appointment yourself and take time off work to take her there. Go into the doctor with her. Don't take "No" for an answer. Also insist that she gets enrolled into some AA sessions. There will probably be tears over this but there comes a point when you will have to be strong and not allow her to remain in denial any longer.

Where is the money from her bank card coming from? A Joint account? If she can't be trusted not to buy alcohol, pay your salary for household expenses into a new single named account. Ensure that all withdrawals from any money left in your joint account must be in both names. If necessary, try and take her bank card away from her. Is there a possibility that she is actually shoplifting the alcohol?

Turn your house and garden upside down looking for hidden stashed of alcohol and pour it away whenever you find it - in the toilet cistern, tucked away in the shed or garage, up in the loft, decanted into innocent looking bottles of orange cordial, under the bed. Alcoholics - and that is what your wife is becoming - are incredibly clever about hiding away their alcohol stashes because they can't live without them.

The reality is almost certainly that your wife is very unhappy about something. Perhaps she just doesn't want to be in the marriage any more and can't face up to telling you. Perhaps she feels that becoming a mother has caused her to become de-skilled as an individual in her own right and that she now feels worthless. Perhaps she feels the future holds no hope or delights for her. Ask her what she wants to be doing in five years time. Perhaps embarking on a new training course or gaining a new career qualification would give her something to aspire to, help boost her self-esteem and a sense of new purpose in her life.

Can you afford to get her some counselling? It does sound as if she needs somebody to help her unravel and deal with the unhappiness in which she has wrapped herself and that may need to be an independent person who she feels will not judge her and with whom she can be open and truthful.

You do have my sympathy. Alcoholism can be so destructive of family life. I do hope you manage to pull this situation around. Do come back post again if you feel you need some support.

flutterby_lil

Just wanted to say good luck, how are things today?

rachel6188

I really hope things can get sorted and your wife can get help. Hugs. Take care. Rachel x