Sorting out my life - Part 2!

loopylouc

hi
its been a long time since I posted on your thread - but wow how well you are doing.
broken hearts do heal they just take time and unfortunately there isn't a timescale - just take things one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Sending you a virtual hug.
Even when you don't think your making great strides on a daily basis, I'm sure that when you look back on your diary you will see what you have achieved. So that would be my advice keep this diary going.
Giving up smoking is a brilliant achievement on its own :T , your making plans for what ever happens with your job and tackling your debts. you are doing great.

Wishing you a safe and brilliant 2011

lou x

LittleLiz101

Hi Copperjar

I'm a forum newbie and just stumbled across your thread. A lot of your comments really resonated with me. Split with my ex in the summer and finally decided to tackle my debts.

Re your ex. It does get better. My ex walked out without warning and we'd been talking about kids and long term plans. Five months on I hardly think about him and it has surprised me how quickly I bounced back. Did have some bad days though but it does get better.

Redundancy-wise you have my sympathy. Went through that process a couple of years ago and remember how stressful it was. The worst part was the waiting and not knowing. I was lucky (?!?) enough to keep my job but what I will say is that those who were made redundant have all ended up in better jobs or working for themselves and are much happier.

Finance-wise I'm in a pretty similar position to you. Got a Tesco loan of approx £15k and CC's of approx £10k and a DFD of August 2015. I know the loan went on major house renovations (read complete gutting and starting over) and some of the credit card spending was house-related but really not sure where some of it has gone :eek:. Bit worrying but determined to get a handle on it. All a bit daunting but like you I'm getting a bit obsessive about saving and paying it off. Got my budget 'cold turkey' spreadsheet already. Know it's a bit optimistic in a couple of areas but determined to try and keep within it as best I can and it's not including anything extra I earn/make. Definitely going to sign up for the £11k in 2011 challenge.

Just wanted to say it's good to know I'm not alone in this and that others have come out the other side.

Here's to a successful and happy 2011!

copperjar

Thanks Lou and hello Liz :wave: Are you going to start a diary as well - maybe we could all help each other along! I agree re redundancy, I really want it now so I can do something different in my life and get away from a big organisation like a County Council. Some of the internal politics just gets me down, its ridiculous and its also noticable with all the upheaval at the moment just how people become so focussed on themsleves and don't care who gets trampled on. Mind you, I am often told that I'm too soft!

I've got to say, the last 3 days have been some of the hardest of my life, but I think I've got through it and have some clarity on what I need to do. It has been very obvious that not only am I not over the ex, but that I've not even allowed myself to get over her. The whole friendship thing has been crazy - especially now I know all about her behaviour when we were together. So I can finally let go of the guilt, regrets and what ifs and start moving on. I've decided (I did say big decisions needed to be made!) that I don't want to be friends with her, so that's that. 3 days of turmoil but I finally got there!

I haven't worked out this months payments yet, but I did get a nice bit of mileage this month so I reckon I can pay a reasonable amount. I'll do all the sums tomorrow and get my first payment towards the £10k paid off and added to jwil's thread. Have been a bit naughty the past 3 days with trips to the corner shop but I haven't gone mad. I don't do mad spending any more!!

Have also been thinking of the triangle of happiness and my New Year resolutions.
Money - keep doing what I'm doing. All CCs to be paid by June :eek:
Career - I don't want to work for NYCC any more. That's my decision. I will have to go through the motions so as not to scupper my chances of redundancy, but I'm going to be starting a new job this year for a new company or I will be starting my own business. Scary!!
Relationships - obviously this is a bit of a sore point! I don't want to jump into another relationship before I've had time to look after myself for a while. Besides, its hard to meet people where I live (small town) but if something comes up, I won't be too scared or nervous to take a chance. But only if its right. In terms of friendships, I really want to increase my social circle - trying to figure out the best way to do that though.

Other resolutions:
- eat healthily and lose weight, but not obsess about it
- go to the gym 2-3 times a week. I do enjoy it when I go and its also one of the top tips for getting over an ex. So I will start on Monday with my first trip of 2011 (is it open on a BH?!!)
- buy myself something once a month - a treat - for me! I know that sounds daft when I'm desperately money saving, but I've realised that even when not money saving, I never really splurged on exciting things for me. I have my monthly spends account and can afford something from that, guilt free. Could be clothes, music, something for the house, anything. And NOT feel bad about it. If I come on here in angst about spending £20 on iTunes, you have my permission to shout at me - in fact, that's an order!

I'm glad to see the back of 2010, particularly the last 6 months and I've decided that 2011 is going to be my year! But I've got to make it happen - so any doubts, laziness, scaredy cat behaviour needs challenging please

Have decided to keep this diary going rather than a new one because without the crap, I might not have got to the place I am now. So I'm going to embrace the trauma and change my life for the better.

Happy New Year everyone

LittleLiz101

Hi, yes you can count on my support.

Good for you re your decisions. Know the one re your ex is an incredibly hard one but agree you need to let yourself get over her. I tried remaining friends with my ex husband years ago as we had split fairly amicably but it ended up in us not talking at all. Think not having contact with my recent ex definitely helped me to get over him.

And new job or working for yourself - how exciting!

It definitely sounds like you have the right approach to the year. Don't look back, look forwards. And you are right you have to go through the c**p to appreciate the good stuff.

Liz

startagain_2

Hi copperjar,

I could almost have written the post about recovering from a broken heart and changing your life in 2011 for the better.

I am trying to get over a relationship that has been long term and long distance for 8 years. I did live with him for a couple of years when I lived abroad but it continued after I came back to the UK. I actually made the break in Nov 2008 but stupidly went back last July and spent a few weeks with him again. Crazy.... it was followed by an hour or more on the phone every day (me paying) promising to go back soon (can't afford it) and so on. The trouble is all the time my head and heart is in la la land I don't get on with things here. And so I have ended it again and OMG I hurt!

I take things day by day and resist the urge to pick up the phone when I am feeling particularly low. For that reason I packed up drinking 2 months ago and it has made me much stronger in that department. I try and occupy myself but like you in a small town it is hard to make new friends.

My new job has helped and has given me something to dig my teeth into. I walk my dog loads and try and think of him as a memory and not in the present. Paul McKenna has written a really good book entitled "How to mend a broken heart" and it has some really good tips in there. If you want to borrow it I can post it to you.

You are right in that you have to look after yourself now and learn to love who and what you are. I used to spend money on everyone else but not me. It seemed easy to treat everyone but I always felt I didn't deserve anything. I have to say I ended up going BR in early 2009 as a result of my debt. That was a real turning point in my life
and I have become much more organised and frugal. I love this site as there is always someone to help and support you when it gets tough.

I also find that an ex rarely becomes a friend unless perhaps enough time has passed to make it less painful. There is always the danger of enjoying some "for old times sake" and then regret it afterwards. One step forward and three back. Time to move on and you have some real challenges for 2011 to be thinking about. Get stuck in and move on.... you wont regret it....

jwil

Hi Copperjar, sorry you've had a tough few days. You are sounding really positive though, and I think 2011 will be a good one for you.

Good luck!

copperjar

Thanks everyone This forum has really been an amazing source of support the past few weeks and I genuinely think its contributed to some of my recent decisions. Sometimes just saying thanks doesn't seem enough - but thank you

I've been beating myself up a bit today because I realised I've allowed myself to get trampled on, maybe I even knew at the time it was happening. People often say I'm too soft, I definitely need to toughen up! Thanks for the offer of the book startagain, really generous of you. I did buy a similar one a few months ago, but thought I knew better so didn't read it! Definitely going to give it a go now though.

You sound so similar to me with the not spending money on yourself thing - that's definitely a NYR that I intend to keep! In fact, have arranged to go shopping with a friend tomorrow and will be very disappointed if I don't come back with something. Of course that means that my gym resolution won't start until Tuesday :rotfl: I WILL go. Make me if you see me on here!

Worked out my finances today and made my big monthly payment towards the CCs. With the mortgage coming down this month (although I'm starting to think I shoud find another fixed rate one with the insecurity of the job situation looming), the car loan finished, no Christmas and a decent amount back in mileage expenses, I've managed to pay £560 off the CCs :j I'm still focussing on the Virgin card in the first instance, even though its 0% rate is for a month longer than Santander - but its the smaller balance and I'll get such a boost when its paid off. Won't update my sig until the end of the month because I'm hoping to pay off some more before the end of Jan. Have sold another DVD on Amazon and have a few things to put up on eBay. Also hope to save a bit on my weekly spends budget (but only after my treat!).

Christmas decs came down today - all back to normal now!

iwantahome

Hi Copperjar,

Happy New Year.

I've just been catching up on your recent posts (i've been away for a few days with only the mobile for internet browsing, so not able to keep up). What an up and down few days you've had. I think you are completely right to be treating yourself once a month. With a monthly treat to look forward to it may make you less likely to buy things as and when you see them and may make you wait until your monthly treat, good for the pockets. Also I think you are right to be distancing yourself from your ex. I actually made the same decision myself and made a few moves to be less in contact but ultimately still friends, just on my terms. It seems so much harder to move on when you see your ex making a life with someone else. In the back of your head you just keep saying "that should be me". Well I think we both know that out of sight means out of mind. 2011 will be a much better year for you without this hanging over your head as well as the debts.

You are doing great on the debt front. Not long now until another one is knocked on the head and you are down to only one CC. I was reading another thread a while ago that said in order to keep getting accepted for 0% CC deals you need to close your accounts down when they are paid off (don't allow them to leave it open as you may get stung for non-usage charges). You need to have under 50% (i think this is the figure it gave) of your annual earning in credit and available credit, and leaving a CC open means you have available credit. So you may want to investigate this if you need to transfer one of your loans to a 0% deal or something.

I think i'll join you on the gym challenge, so will nag you if you nag me.

But you have been doing really well, focus on the positives.

copperjar

Happy New Year to you too iwah. Hope you had a great time away, welcoming in 2011. Thanks for all your encouragement and positivity, I really do appreciate it. My diary is a bit over dramatic and depressing at times, I do often need a shove to get back on track! I think 2011 is going to be a good year for us DFW's this year...I can feel it!

Didn't know that about the CCs btw, I'll have to dig out the old ones I've got but never cancelled. Eek! I was going to keep one for emergencies, but maybe I should keep two (but not use them) to keep my credit score up.

So, when will you be making your first trip to the gym in 2011? I'm going Tuesday!

iwantahome

Have a look on the credit cards board, there may be someone on there better equipped to advise you. Personally i've got two empty CCs at hand. One I use for monthly spending (petrol, clothes etc) that I clear every month. I usually don't make it to the statement date before I clear it off as I have a habit of being very impatient. The other one is the one I used for a BT and cleared, but as this has the biggest limit I am probably going to keep it open for major purchases to be insured when the magical time of moving home happens.

I think i'm going to start running again while the snow is away. In my head i'm going to a quick 5k sun/walk tomorrow (takes me about 45 mins when i've had a long break from exercise) and probably get the swimming bug back at the weekend. I am a member of a gym but I really find it boring on the treadmill (however the warmth may be calling me when the end of Jan snow comes back again). This year I'm promising myself to stick to the gym/run/swim and shift at least a stone. I feel a signature update here. NSD, GOAD (get of a**e days) and a target for weight.

Right thats it I pledge 15 GOAD in January. I'll take 30-45 mins of exercise minimum base for achieving a GOAD. You in?