advice regarding my nephew

Shed_Head_3

Dear all

My family is currently going out of their minds with worry. The situation is my brother has a child with his girfriend of 3 years (the child is 2). After a few months of arguments she has decided she can no longer live with him and has moved out and is currently staying on a mates bedroom floor. She has called my brother this weekend to say she wants to take her son on Monday so she can go to the council and claim she is homeless to get a house. If that was not bad enough both my brother and GF work full time and my mum looks after the child just about everyday. If the mother was to take him she would be relying on her family to help care for the child. The main issue is the family is well known to social services for drugs and violance and we don't want him to be in a dangerous enviorment.

My brother is saying he cannot stop her taking him is this true? he also thinks the courts will take the mother side and he will get limited access to his son. can this be true considering the familys history.

Just to say we have no problem with the GF looking after the child its the fact that she has made it clear her family will be more involved moving forward.

Your advice would be appreciated.

Shed

Savvy_Sue

Is your brother named on the child's birth certificate? If he's not, then unless he has Parental Responsibility agreed in some other way, then he may be right that he can't stop the mother taking the child.

How long ago did she move out, and who is currently receiving the Child Benefit? That may be the test the council use to decide whether the child is living with the mother or not. It does of course raise questions about the validity of her claim, if this has been going on for some time, but ...

It's not true that the courts will automatically side with the mother, the child's stability is also considered.

I would strongly advise your brother takes legal advice.

System

courts dont automatically side with the mother these days, my brother has won full custardy [sp] of my neice her mother has limited visitation .tell him to stand his ground and get legal advice .

Shed_Head_3

Thanks Savvy and Chris

I was online last night and found a few things that might help. He is the named farther on the birth certificate so should have the same rights as the mother. The child benefit goes into a shared account. She actually moved out last week. She has told my brother this morning that the housing are going to pay for her rent and she has already found accomodation so will be firming up the details on Monday. Would they be able to help her that quick if the child is not with her? do they not do any check to ensure she is not leading them up the garden path just to secure accomodation? How is this right she has a full time job a newish car shoudl they not say sell the car to get your bond or something like that?

She could also be telling him things to scare him into giving the child up. She has said that she is coming with the Police to take her son. Do you think we should contact the police to let them know what is goiing on before she does it?

Shed

Savvy_Sue

Doesn't matter what sort of account the Child Benefit is going into, whose name is on the claim? Only one person can 'receive' it.

Usually - but not always - the mother signs the claim. They would then get a letter each year confirming what the rates are next year, and reminding them of their obligations to tell them of any change of circumstances.

I would be surprised if she could get the police to come with her on a first visit, unless your nephew is already 'known' to them, and even then, since he has as much right as she does to have the child living with him ...

A calm and measured letter to her along the lines of 'the best interests of X (child's name) would surely be to discuss calmly how we arranged shared care' - would that be worth trying?

And she might have found private accommodation that fast, but not council accommodation, unless she's been misleading the council and looking for longer than she's been letting on, IMO. However, she'd need to have the child living with her to get a higher rate of Housing Benefit, should she need that.

How old are they? If under 25, they would be currently affected by the expectation that you live in a shared house, and that's going up to age 35 soon.

gratefulforhelp_2

He needs to get legal advice from a family law solicitor asap.

Shed_Head_3

Savvy

She is 22 my brother is 30. He has tried to arrange that the child stay with him and when she is settled they can then arrange access with the understanding she does not take the child anywhere near the family members who have the issues ie he does not want her working and her mother looking after the child because of the drug issues. he has said to keep it a normal as posible for the child she would have to take the child to my mum who looks after him currently. She has said why do I have to access why can't he stay with me and my brother has access. I understand she is the mother but she has no support in place when she is at work. Its not the fact that we are trying to be difficult the child was in the middle of a situation when her brother kicked off and a knife was invloved and that was just a visit who knows what will happen if she is allowed to put him in that situation for 7hrs a day even if its not all week!

esmy

Why can't your Mum carry on looking after him whilst they both work?

Shed_Head_3

because she cannot afford to bring him 20miles round trip so my mum can continue to look after him. For me this is silly if my brother is saying get yourself organised and you can come an see him when you want until your accomodation is sorted and then when she is sorted we can arrange for her to having him on a regular basis with the understanding that she bring him to my mums to look after when she is at work my brother has even said we will split the cost! her response is why do I have to do that when my mother can look after him! Its my nephews 2nd birthday in next weekend and she has just let us know she is going away whith her mates on a drinking session so my brother will have to deal with it. He was only asking if she wanted to be invloved on his birthday in terms of tes and cakes at the house nothing out of the ordinary.

Shed_Head_3

dear all

we are just thinking about putting a plan into place for Monday what do you think.

1. Find a family lawyer and see: a) if we can stop her taking him away from the home envirnment in the short term (not sure if this is possible) b) get the wheels in motion to apply for custody.

2. Go to the housing at the council and let them know he has not made his son homeless and he is living in a 3 bedroomed house which is his normal residance.

3. Go to the social services and see what there thought are around the know situations in the family and see if they agreee that a 2yr old should not be in that environment.

4. Posibble go to the poice to have an informal chat. Just incase it kick off and she bring her brother with her to get the child who is the person wielding the knife in the situation the child was invloved with.

5. hope for the best and stand our ground!

any other thoughts would be greatfully accepted.

Shed

clearingout

I think the message you need to take away from here is that he needs to act fast - the courts favour what they term as the 'staus quo', arrangements which are already in existence, so if he allows a change in the child's care arrangements to go ahead, he is effectively agreeing to it which is not a situation he wants. Hope that makes sense? The sooner he gets into court the better - you can get what's called an ex parte hearing on the same day (you pay your money and sit there to wait for a judge to have a spare 5 minutes - you could still be there at 4:55pm!) but the other side doesn't get notice of this (on the basis that it's an 'emergency' and you think she would run if she knew about it). Just be aware that it can take three months to get a court date if you go down the normal filing for residency (not 'custody' - this is a very outdated term now) by which time a new status quo is well under way....

The family may be known to Social Services but is mum known to them for poor parenting? Dad needs to tred carefully - it is not uncommon for ex's to complain that their children are being abused as they think it will cause the other half difficulties or somehow that having it on their record will mean that they lose residency of the child. It's not that simple - far from it. Get it wrong, and dad will look like he's trying to cause problems for his ex rather than seek support for his child.

It is not usual that a 2 year old would live with dad so getting the right legal advice is important, as is dad telling the absolute truth from the outset to his solicitor (it's no good him saying she's putting the child at risk around drugs if he forgets to mention that prior to the baby being born, he used to use drugs on a regular basis, for example, solicitor needs to know so he/she can deal with it).

I would be inclined to agree with you that she's probably told the housing people that she has the child living with her which is why they've sorted things so quickly (assuming she's telling the truth?). No, she shouldn't have to sell her car for a deposit - that's not reasonable, and I assume she depends on it for work? Try not to concern yourself with this - focus on the legal side of things for the child.

Good luck and keep us updated.