CSA not involved - but advice needed

13Kent

Can't really answer your question, but just wanted to add some support! I understand why you feel you are walking on eggshells - the PWC holds all the cards regarding contact - as a grandparent I think you are luckier than most in your position at the moment as you get to see your grandchild on a regular basis at the moment, as does your son - lets hope that continues!

I think the only advice I can offer is to get together a stock of clothes and toys and keep them at you house for when the child comes - don't send anything back to the PWC other than what comes with the child. What do you do regarding a pram/cot etc? Is she happy to send them or have you had to purchase these too? Unfortunately I think for the sake of the child and continuing contact you have to just keep doing what you are doing. Good Luck!

clearingout

but why is it too much to expect a NRP to provide a pram or a cot for when the child is with them? when he gets older, is mum expecting to hire a van and send round his single bed every time they have contact?

tell me, why is it that when a (female) PWC gets on with her life, does the decent thing and leaves children with dad on a very regular basis, she is amiss for not dressing the child in Prada because she receives all the benefits of having a child? But more importantly, when a (male) NRP looks after his child (which is, after all, a perfectly normal thing to do), he expects everyone to jump up and down and tell him how grateful they are and pat him on the back for doing what the PWC does the rest of the time?

Relationships break down. That's life. Spending the next 18 years feeling hard done by because your ex didn't send a supply of nappies is NOT the way to jointly parent, is it?! Are you parents 100% of the time or just when the child is with you?

djbum_syd

The sentence you wrote about the child being left with you with no nappies, etc really got to me.
When my child visits her father I send her in the clothes she is in, and maybe a snack/drink for the journey.
End of the day, if your son has the child 3 days a week it is down to him to provide clothes, nappies, etc.
Not the mother. He has the child enough to know that clothes will have good use. Keep all teh items you buy at your home, adn then there is no issue of never seeing it again.
My daughter has 2 wardrobes of clothes - one at mine, one at her fathers.
At least you know then that whilst with you, the child has a warm coat.

Didismump

Having been on 'Both sides of this coin' I totally understand your question... without the thread getting taken out of context..
Your son can only do his best...and the best thing in the World is to be loved..
It has obviously hit both of them hard..and neither 'side' is the easy side...
The most any child 'needs' is love,food and warmth..and it sounds like he is getting that..
Tell your son to get in touch with the DWP and ask what benefits or entitlements he MAY be allowed..especially as he left college due to illness...If it is an ongoing illness which affects his ability to work he may be entitled to more than he is getting..and the DWP will give face to face interviews if requested..especially for long term ill health...
I have to add that when my (now BIG) girlie was a wee one, Nike Air trainers were BIG in fashion...
I could not afford such luxuries as a single Mum ( with NO support from her Dad even tho the CSA had chased him for years)..so bought her the white school plimsolls..and carefull drew all over them in a fancy pattern..and wrote on the back of the heels... 'Don't C'Air'...
Her school mates LOVED them...(even those who had Nikes)..and all wanted me to do the same for them....lol
Trust me..the loving time he is spending with his wee lad will ALWAYS be the BEST-EST gift EVER!!!
Good Luck...:)