no matter how much i save i never feel its enough!!

de1amo

i am 47 and spent my whole life being strict with my finances--i cant remember a single month where i have not saved at least 30pc of my income.--i am well set up in life but find it hard to loosen up when it comes to spending.
i got married for the second time in 2007 and have a step daughter-my wife works hard and we have a business that is doing well but,,, money is a bone of contention because of my tendency to want to know where every penny is being spent--it causes friction!-i dont mind spending money where i see 'value' in the expenditure--ie we just had new bathrooms and a kitchen which i saw as adding value to the property and making life more enjoyable--but i have just argued with my wife over spending too much on the grocery trip!--i enjoy saving to much and have a tendency to worry about my retirement which is 18 years away!!-any positive advice which might loosen me up a bit!

mickeymad

omg-live for the moment for heavens sake!

epsilondraconis

Sounds like I'm a bit like you OP, although I'm 10 years your junior, I have a habit of trying to save as much as possible for a rainy day. Even though I could give up work tomorrow and we would survive for 3 or 4 years on our savings, it never seems quite enough.

When my wife goes shopping, I'm always 'jokingly' asking how much she spent. I shouldn't grumble because she is pretty good with money.

Perhaps each month you should set aside some money that your family / you will use on a few frivolous purchases.

In the last few months we've done some radical things like going to Paris on the Eurostar. Our booking was fairly last minute and so we ended up paying significantly more than we would have had we booked it 2 or 3 months in advance. Although I was annoyed that it would have been a lot cheaper by buying in advance, it was also a nice feeling that I was doing something a bit radical for me. All was not lost anyway, as I booked the Eurostar via TopCashBack and so at least I managed to get back some money!

Good luck with your money saving (and your future frivolous spending)...

Localweb

See the value in a new haircut or handbag but to your wife its priceless...and if you don't see that too- your value will drop in her eyes so loosen the purse strings! lol

de1amo

Epsil--we do some pretty expensive things --but i cant hold back on quibbling over small things! -- i started this thread because my wife and i were in the midst of a row-it started with a stand up row infront of our business partner which left neither of us talking--the business partner is a woman and i have subsequently been ganged up on!
İts the next day and my wife and i still cant talk without cross words-- my wife accused me yesterday of being mean in front of a female business partner partner and i didnt take it lying down and bit back saying some harsh things!--our business partner is one of these people who spends everything she and her husband earns and is in deep crap with personal debt and as you might tell i have a fear of ever ending up like that!!-they say money is one of the biggest causes of friction in marriages--i have a short fuse about it and my wife has a long memmory!!

epsilondraconis

I guess its just a case of trying to find a balance, the problem is that a balance for you (as in my case) is different to the balance perceived by others (such as a wife).

The only two pieces of advice I can offer are:

1. You both sit down and agree that you won't row in front of others about money and that instead you will try to wait until you get home and try to discuss it (without rowing).

2. Perhaps you both agree to make something of a compromise in the future. i.e. Each month a few hundred pounds is automatically transferred into a new savings / bank account. This is money that you both agree is frivolous money and this is the money that you both accept will be used to buy the items that would normally end up causing a row. At least by having a separate account, you know that you are still putting money into the main savings account for a rainy day. Also instead of a fixed amount that transfers to the 'frivolous' savings account, you could agree that it will be a percentage of the business profits / salary / dividend you pay yourselves each month.

Hope it all works out for you both.

de1amo

i went to the gym and we stopped arguing--i do think we need some scheme of action because this sort of arguement is getting too frequent to be healthy!--the trouble with us is that we produce a lot of cash flow during the school year and it gets lean during the summer--my wife tends to dip in the till at this time of year and i ended up scratching about for the summer when we needed more cash for the endless holiday and keeping a teenager amused--we have a new busness here and this is the second year of trading so its still building--its a language school abroad.--i have other income in the uk which i keep seperate but my wife sometimes thinks that is fair game--deep down i am a mfw in the uk!--we should be self sufficient here given the amount of students and cash flow we have but i tend to err on the side of caution because of our newness to a business like this!!

pink_numbers

is it possible to lock away some of the money for the summer in say a 6 months bond? That way no one can touch it until it is needed perhaps?

nightsong

Hi there,
I sympathise as I'm a frugal saver type too (and a woman!). However, it is not good if this comes between you and your wife.

It sounds like you are ok with her spending in theory, but when it happens and you haven't any control you get uncomfortable/anxious and then can't help complaining. Is that right?

Anyway, it seems to me that the sensible thing would be to agree a budget with her, (it has to be one you are BOTH happy with) then she can spend what she wants on anything she likes within that amount. You don't need to know. That way she can enjoy guilt-free shopping and you can feel relaxed because you know how much is being spent.

de1amo

thanks night song --you summed it up and gave me a solution--i would love to work out a budget with my wife!--the problem with a new business like ours is that you never know what income levels will be like--i am a bit of a control freak and i reckon the uncertainty leaves me feeling insecure about money--i am positive about money but in a very cautious way--my wife wants to save but she seems to have a different approach to it--i believe in iron grip and great sacrifice--she thinks in a more convolute way and it is a shock to my system!- for example-we now have a home help/cleaner twice a month which leaves my wife and i more time for the business--i was forcing the pace by taking on more work in the business and spending most of our freetime doing housework!!--the cleaner does all the housework--cleaning ironing and shopping!!--its something a working boy isnt used to!!--at work my wife has also employed a full time woman who does everything including cooking our main meal!!--i spend my time analysing the business accounts and home accounts to make sure we can afford all this-which is difficult as i have no previous figures to analyse-adds to my insecurity!!(we live abroad and i dont understand the tax system but we have an accountant who 'invents' returns!!)

Lost2

There are no pockets in shrouds
you cant take it with you