a new dawn, a new day, a new liiiiffffeeee for me............

sammy_kaye18

and I'm feeling depressed.

we are finally calling time on mine and Owens relationship I think.

Despite me spending 99% of my life cleaning/tidying/child raising/school runs/ bill paying/working/cooking and budgetting I still do not meet his standards. He told me yesterday that I leave the place a mess (ok it looked less than gleaming yesterday as Id just changed holly and it was a Sunday morning !!!!!!) but he threw a strop and took Holly up his mothers telling me he needed time away from me as he couldn't live with me any more.

So I did my basic cleaning yesterday which was on the cards and spent time with Benjamin. I did have a little cry before he left but after 3/4 minutes I was fine. I spent the rest of the day willing him to come home early so I had my baby girl back and not because I wanted him here.

Apparently we never talk but when we do he puts me down calling me stupid, tells me to have a word with myself if I cant explain something right, says things are a stupid idea (then usually ends up doing what I say anyway) and he throws tantrums like you wouldn't believe --- talks to me one minute, doesn't the next. His friends/motorbikes and cars seem to take priority over me and the kids - he was even out motor crossing up until my last week of pregnancy with holly.

I think at the moment I am fighting the head Vs heart battle. My head keeps telling me I'd be fine by myself, able to cope, i know the money saving ways, i know what I'm entitled to, could find a weekend job and all my friends tell me I'm virtually a single mother anyway as Owen does nothing in the way of help me financially or other.

But my head is telling me that Ben and Owen are really close and he'd really miss his daddy and after the last 8 years of having Owen around I think I'd miss him too but his constant b!!ching and put downs are wearing me down.

Feel like crap today and hes off work still because he was suspended for having a confrontation with a co worker. Hes been off the last week and done !!!!!! all bar sit on facebook and faff about with bikes.

feel like crying.

have looked into houses back home - I currently live 40 minutes away from my family and am really isolated and surrounded by his family here so no way I'd stay here.

Have seen a property that's 3 bedrooms but its £495 and I currently have no savings at all but mum and sister have said they'd help me out. I have emailed the landlord as she is a family friend so I'm hoping she may waver the bond for me and if I can find the first month somehow then I can ask about repaying her the bond a little bit each month. Will see how that pans out though.

Not sure how Im feeling though at the minute. Tired/drained/confused.
:(:(:(:(

JoJoB

Sounds like you will start to feel a lot better being away from him!

What is your current housing situation? Is the house mortgaged? Is your name on a mortgage or lease?

aliasojo

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Tired/drained/confused.
:(:(:(:(

You're feeling like this because you're trying to live under a blanket of negativity and dislike.

Changing your life is scary but the relief you will feel will overshadow your fears.

Has he always been like this with you? Is it worth a counselling session or two before you make the move? Tbh though, his basic character sounds at fault here and that's not really something relate could help out with too much.

bexta

Sammy, from the little I know about you from the pregnancy thread and some of the others, you seem like a very practical young lady (I don't mean to be patronising when I say this). It seems like you've been acting as Owen's 'caretaker' for a long time, with very little support, and juggling finances and bills, and looking after his other son too, whilst he enjoys his various hobbies. In those respects, I'm sure you'll be able to cope.

Could the mood swings be associated with his bodybuilding? Sometimes the diet they follow wrecks havoc with their moods as they're barely eating enough to survive. Is it possible he's been 'supplementing' his training, as, unfortunately, steroid use is rife amongst bodybuilders.

It's natural to feel depressed, but hopefully this could be the start of a whole new, more enjoyable life for you and your little family. The relationship between Ben and Owen, should you call it quits, will change, but there's ways of maintaining closeness and good bonds with each other, if you do live apart. Take care, and best of luck!

jcr16

firstly hun, don't rush anything. ( with the hosue move etc, but thats a fantastic rental price for a 3 bed. on the isle of wight you'd be lucky to get a 2 bed small flat for that) but maybe you guys just need a step back from each other for a little while.

your little girl is still only a few months, and a new baby can put a huge strain ( even if you don't know it ) on the most stable of relationships.

why not sit and talk to each other about what you both expect out of each other and the relationship. ask maybe his mum to have both your little ones for an evening, have a meal out ( neutral ground) and just talk. sometimes little issues can build up to a point where you can't see anyway out other than to call it a day.

i won't say who's in the right or wrong, as we only have your view point ( which not saying isn't all 100 % ) but would be unfair of me to say he's completly in the wrong.

although i do feel it a little unfair for him to say the house is a mess. if he not happy with it then he should help to do something about it. a relationship only works if you both work together.

in fairness my hubby does loads round the house, but if he had a week off work then i wouldn't expect him to do anything, as he goes to work and is having time off. but then saying that if i ask him to load dishwasher, or whip hoover round then he would.

i really think you need to sit and talk it through before making any rash decisions.

but sending big hugs to you . xx

redstararnie76

Sammy - sending you hugs, sounds like you're really going through it at the moment. I know that with a 5 month old and a 5 year old in the house, my husband and I have had quite a few disagreements, and it's an unsettling time to put it mildly.
Is it possible to arrange some time apart to see how that affects things? Is there somewhere he could perhaps go for a week or two, to give you some time to consider things objectively - might be worth a try before you call it a day totally?

PS. My husband also sometimes comments on the house 'being a mess' etc, I normally find it helps to leave him with both kids for half a day, it puts things in perspective for him!!

balletshoes

Bless you OP, I think your head will take over from your heart - you're most of the way there, and making practical plans to move - that says to me you're ready. No-one has the right to make you feel so crap 99% of the time, and if they are doing that, you don't need it do you?

Bitsy_Beans

have you considered trying Relate for your issues? Does Owen realise how unhappy YOU are?

Personally I think life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship, especially with kids. I would suggest perhaps some relationship counselling first, I don't like to chuck in the towel as easy as that but if Owen won't meet you halfway then I think perhaps you are better off with someone who thinks a great deal more of you than Owen.

Good luck.

ema_o

Sammy
It does sound like you will be better without him, not just that you'll cope on your own.

You don't need someone putting you down, calling you stupid, refusing to talk and having tantrums. Nor do you need someone whose standards you don't meet!! What an a**e! As for the fact that he tells you to have a word with yourself, for goodness sake he obviously can't talk to you like a grown up.

Hugs xx

gratefulforhelp_2

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Feel like crap today and hes off work still because he was suspended for having a confrontation with a co worker. Hes been off the last week and done !!!!!! all bar sit on facebook and faff about with bikes.

This bit struck me. He's not just unpleasant to you, then?

Good luck, honey.

rachel6188

massive hugs huni xxxx