Having a baby....

roxy85

I have no idea what to do here. I'll try and summarise my situation briefly.

I'm 25 years old, live in a house in Surrey with a friend of mine, privately rented. We pay £950 in rent a month, so I personally pay £475 a month. Plus another £450 or so on bills, council tax, transport to and from work, food etc. I currently work as a receptionist and earn £1173 a month after tax. So although I live within my budget it's pretty tight, I generally only have £200 to spend on anything except the bare basics.

My partner lives with us as well but he's Australian. I only moved back from Australia recently (I am a British citizen, my family emigrated to Aus when I was 18 and I went out there few years ago to get citizenship and met my partner out there). He's 33 and therefore too old to get a working visa over here, he doesn't have any of the skills/qualifications the UK are looking for and the only way he will ever be able to work here, or stay here longer than 6 months, is if we get married which I don't want to do yet. He's living on savings and has just enough to support himself but nothing else. He will be totally out of money in a few months when it's time for him to leave the country. Even if we did get married that's a long and tough process and will cost money and take time.

I've just found out I'm pregnant. Big mistake, we were being careful but I guess nothing's 100% safe. I don't know what to do. I would get 6 weeks full pay maternity pay from my work and then only statutory maternity pay after that which would work out about £540 per month. I can't live on that, it would pay my rent and basically nothing else. My partner can't work to support us and I'm tied into a year long contract in the house I'm renting. I literally have no idea what to do. I know I'll be entitled to some sort of child tax credits but I don't know if I"m entitled to anything else and I'm so confused by all the websites. I'm absolutely freaking out, I don't think it's financially possible for me to have a baby.

Is there any light at the end of the tunnel? I'm having a really bad time trying to cope with this and the morning (more like all day) sickness that has just kicked in. Is there any way between stat maternity pay and other benefits that I can make enough each month to support myself, my partner and a baby?

Kataratarina

I cant help but just want to try and advise that everything will work out ok xxx

clairec79

It may not be ideal but you may need to consider returning to work before the end of your SML/SMP - I'm the wage earner in the household and when my pay goes down to just SMP I will be returning to work and my husband taking care of the baby (I am luckier than you in that I also get 4 months half pay which although things will be tighter I can afford having 6 months off). My maternity leave officially starts the Sunday before my due date (although I have 11days off before that using annual leave) so I can have the vast majority of the time off after the birth. Of course if your partner has to leave the country he wouldn't be able to look after the baby - would he be able to go back to Australia and work for a few months to earn some more money and then return at around your due date? or would that not work with visas?

You will get tax credits and child benefit after the birth

nannytone_2

so committed enough to have a baby but not committed enough to get married.....even though that would solve all your problems?

i think you need to look at what your prioritys in life are

good luck with the baby!

Duncombe

Its difficult to give sound advice about what financial help you may be entitled to as there are going to be alot of changes in the next 6-12 months, atleast where the benefit system is concerned.

Are finances your only concerns about continuing with the pregnancy? Discussing things with your GP or another healthcare professional may help.

dmg24

As you have citizenship in Australia, plus family support, would it not be an option to move there? You also need to consider whether, due to your extended absence, you would be entitled to any benefits at all in the UK.

ViolaLass

roxy85 wrote: »

I've ended up in this situation by accident and I'm trying to step up and make it work. I've only been with my boyfriend for 8 months and I don't feel ready for marriage yet. I also don't feel ready for settling down and having a baby with him but that's where I've ended up and I can't change it now.

I don't know if it's the done thing to mention abortion on these forums but I am strongly pro-choice and if you don't feel ready to have a baby with this man, then an abortion is certainly an option. The fact that you've found out early and live in a country where abortion is available go in your favour as well.

If you don't want to marry your partner (your choice), you should consider whether you really want to tie yourself to him by having a child with him. Also, if your partner is unable to remain in the country, you should also consider what effect it will have on him and on the baby. Does he know that you're pregnant? What does he think?

cte1111

It sounds from your first post that your partner will have to return to Australia before the baby is born as his visa will run out. Is that right?

If so, then you will be a single parent so need to look at benefits from that point of view. Try this entitlement checker, using your circumstances as they will be after you have the baby:
http://www.turn2us.org.uk/information__resources/benefits/information_you_may_need_to_co.aspx

How long have you been working for your current employer and been paying NI in the UK? This affects whether you will be entitled to SMP or Maternity Allowance. Other benefits that you may be entitled to are Child Tax Credit, Working Tax Credit, Council Tax Benefit and Housing Benefit, hopefully the calculator should give some idea of what levels etc.

If you are sure you want to have the baby, then if I were you I think I would give some consideration to going back to Australia with your partner. Hopefully he would then be able to work and help support you and the baby. Maybe arranging for someone else to take over your share of the rent and having your room for the remainder of the rental contract would work out OK for your flatmate.

Duncombe

roxy85 wrote: »

I'll reply to the other comments later but before I get a load more replies like this I wanted to clarify. I was born and raised over here by my British parents. My family (both parents, 2 brothers and a sister) emigrated to Australia 7 years ago while I stayed here. I lived in Australia for 2 and a half years because my younger brother was very unwell and my parents needed help out there. He passed away a year ago and I was able to move back here again once my parents were out of the major grieving stage. I've spent the majority of my working life working full time and paying tax in this country and have never been on any sort of benefits at all.

I've ended up in this situation by accident and I'm trying to step up and make it work. I've only been with my boyfriend for 8 months and I don't feel ready for marriage yet. I also don't feel ready for settling down and having a baby with him but that's where I've ended up and I can't change it now. I'm not some stupid kid or some scrounger, I'm an adult who has got herself into a less than ideal situation and is trying to figure out what the hell to do and being attacked doesn't help. Now I'm embarrassed and upset at how people are obviously viewing me and it's going to even worse 'in real life' so thank you. I thought this was part of the point of paying taxes while you are working so that if you even end up needing temporary help it's there for you.

DMG is correct in that your extended absence from the UK may disqualify you from claiming any benefits, atleast for the forseable future. This is something you really need to look into.

You state you have only been with your BF 8 months. While I do not believe marriage and child rearing are in anyway connected, you say you are not ready for the former. Are the ready for the latter, gven that it much more of a life committment? Continuing with the pregnancy is not your only option. But im sure you already know that.

We all find ourselves in less than ideal situations. My painfully intelligent sister managed to get herself pregnant 4 months before finishing her degree. Still, you just have to deal with these things.

Yes, you will face critism from people on here and also 'in the real world'. Sticks and stones.

How does your BF feel about the situation? How long can he remain in the UK on his temp visa? What are you planning to do when he has to return to Aus?

welshmoneylover

roxy85 wrote: »

I thought this was part of the point of paying taxes while you are working so that if you even end up needing temporary help it's there for you.

Fair dos, it doesn't matter if you want help, I just hope you don't expect the taxpayer to pay for your Aussie chap to remain here.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

thorsoak

Forgive me if I sound harsh - I do not mean to - but in the circumstances have you considered adoption?